not sure if this is the right place for this or not but i hope it helps me.This is not a thing concerning what someone has done to me but what i did to someone ...ie...my wife.
We have been together for 10 years in nov,married a little over 8 of those and struggling to keep it alive for both of us. It goes something like this.........since before i can remember porn <as i say porn all of it is porn in anyway seen, softcore ,hardcore or other>has been a part of my life in one way or another and lovin wife has dealt with it to the utmost as one can endure.but as i sit here and write this i am trying to overcome an addiction to things i have always known,not for fear of losing her or my family but because of what it has made me become in her eyes.
it started with magazines then to tv then to internet. she tried to tell me about my morals but my being male and hard headed as i was never listened, i guess i never knew what was at stake.
as of late we were separated for a time as seen in a few post by trying2heal ( i think thats her, aving not being much in her life) we decided to give it one more go and i came home with all the intentions of making good on my feelings for her, but i mad a terrible mistake at a moment of weakness.Yes the porn came back, but not as in form of flipping pages or changing channels or surfing the web. It was her 14 year old step sister. (yes i am repelled by the thought of what i had done)i used a video camera outside her bedroom window to infringe on her privacy.after which i questioned my own morals that brought me to that lowest point in my life,so i have been dealing with it for almost 6 months now and cannot forgive myself and cannot ask the same of my wife, who in which found the tape i thought i had destroyed along with my whole attitude towards life itself. she knows and is truely hurt and wants to separate,which i do not blame her, all the torment i have put her thru throughout the years have takin there toll on her emotionally.i have no idea what to do so i am open to ridicule. i am currently seekin help for what i see as a serious default in my mental phsyci. to over come this.but before i can continue to save myself i need to know if i am worth saving for my wife.
i have spent all our years together thinking the way of an individual instead of a unity with her, i shut her out when i needed her most showed nothing when she showed me affection. hid my love for her when i was angry,and tormented her with guilt for mistakes i had done.
and all of this was becoz of the self preservation instilled in me for wanting to do what i wanted when i wanted.when it should have been for us. i can gone on for days about what i have done wrong to her but not a single thought of laughter crosses my mind, maybe because i ave blocked the good times to punish myself to know that there was more hurt that happiness.
the only thing, she said at one time,that we had going for us was the sex.not romance not intamacy.
before its even asked no i din not masturbate to porn,i felt i was safe from the demons because i just liked to watch not get involved, but i was wrong dead wrong, it will suck u in in any form it can from comercials to fashion shows to trying to relax on the beach.and no i never had any thoughts of wow i wish i could be with her or anything of that nature i just liked to watched, now i feel so ashamed of myself i cannot even look at wife in the eyes for fear o seeing what i have done to her and how it has changed her feelings for me, i used to tell her that its not me whos changed but your opinion of me that has.i never realized how strongly i need her opinion till now. when she offered and tried to help i refused,because i thought selfishly and only thought of hiding it better.but as the saying goes you can't hide from yourself.kinda like a verse from a song about "DESIGN ON SELF BE TRUE"
i have never been true to myself till now and realize how much i need her help, love, affection,caring smile and cool gazing eyes.
i am lost with out her in my life, so tell me am i worth saving for her?
i feel the betrayal is to much to save, betrayal of her, her family and of the innocence of an unknowing child.
thats it for now,but if you are wondering i am 35 wife is 26.

Yes the Lord can forgive you.Your wife? Only she knows and much will be up to you. Before you are thinking of reconciliation, what have you done about your problem? This is why pornography is so horrible. You have not only viewed it, but you are now a perpetrator of a crime against a child. My real concern is are you sorry for what you have done? If so the fourteen year olds parents and the police have been notified. This would be wanting to own your mistake. And quite frankly, if you don't own it to this degree, chances are high that you could do it again or worse. Sorry is as sorry does. DO NOT MINIMIZE THIS. THIS IS A SERIOUS CRIME!

I agree with ezra, own up show wife you are not just saying sorry but are willing to pay for your evil deeds, get help to overcome this addiction, it won't go away but sneak back and sieze you as you have seen! Work on your relationship with God, what is right,wrong, and put it all in Gods hands. He will know if you are sincere, you can't lie to yourself or him either.The road of repentance isn't just saying sorry but going for the change even if the road is hard. Do it for yourself, to be a better person for all who surround you! and their safty.
Your wife is hurt deeply, her self confidence and the betrayal, her pride, her womanhood, she feels humilated and most likely even guilty for some of your actions in goodness knows what ways, she probably isn't. But you projected that blame, and she has a heavy load to carry.Time and your choice will tell. May your sincerety hold and you do the right things.May God help you.

God will forgive you the minute you sincerely ask for it, that's the great thing about being a Christian. This addiction is a fleshy issue and as Christians we all know that the devil will attack us in our weakest areas, so don't expect this to go away quickly (your wife shouldn't expect it either). It is an area that you will need to pray for strength in every day of your life, even when you feel healed from it. If your wife will pray with you, all the better.

My brother-in-law has the exact same addiction as you, just looking at porn. Be thankful that you haven't allowed yourself to go further with it, give yourself some credit there. Since he has started praying and asking God for help, his wife has been able to intervene almost every time he has felt tempted. Your wife will see your efforts, and she will come to respect you for it in the long run.

My real concern is are you sorry for what you have done? If so the fourteen year olds parents and the police have been notified. This would be wanting to own your mistake.

thank you for the response.ezra....what u wrote above is known...i told the parents and just so happens the stepfather and father are both lawenforcement officers,step father is a resorce officer at the area schools,father is now a detective.
i told them of my own free will because of my shame and guilt,and to make some good come from such a wrong.but wife says she wishes i hadn't and i understand that she wanted to hide it for fear of my destruction, but i think it was the only way to heal and redeem the wrongs,in the way of correcting my own mistakes, simply because it was the right thing. which i see now. the intentional right thing would have been not to have done it but the grip of flesh sins are very great and very tempting. as for the parents they still talk to me for they are my inlaws, but nothing is said about it to me or wife but i have yet to face them eye to eye for my shame and guilt for this has caused me to withdraw to everyone and everything except wife and 2 sons <age 8 & age 2 in oct>. work has suffered, thinking abut quiting job to be closer to home since i am gone all week and home only about 7 days a month. wife says the whole thing makes her feel dirty, she says she can't trust me or feal safe with me. i do not blame her, how would i handle it in her place? a lost less than she has.
so voluntarily moved to couch and out of bedroom to what i feel is the need for her sancuary that is hers a place where she can go to be alone a place to be safe so she won't have to worry for looking over her shoulder to see me.

i know now about the addiction and its powers over the mind it is strong enough to make you loose everything and gain nothing. tere38...i wish your brother in law all the good fortune that can be recieved from getting past the addiction fore i know how hard it is.
no matter how hard or what has to be done i must get this out of my life...not just to help my wife or myself but to be an acting role model for the 2 sons we are raising who follow everthing i do, and this has got to be stopped and i am very much into help right now and doing alot of soul searching and praying for guidance. as i told my wife i am lost, i have no self preservation,no self worth, and no pity for myself i deserve everything i receive from this.she told me that porn was apart of my life that was always there, now that it has gone <crossing fingers> i ami in a identity crisis because it was who i was and without it i am trying to find who i should and want to be. it has been 6 months since the incident,around 4 since wife found out and 2 weeks since i said something to parents. but yet everytime i check my email all the list and porn sites that mass mail i delete then walk away from pc to remove the urge to check out. i have canx all premium movie channels from tv to remove the temptation there (i now watch discovery,history,and biography) as for the 3rd i stay away from any kind of opertunity to do something like that again, if the urge or opertunity it there i sit next to my wife, or spend time with my sons, in actuality i do the things i should have been doing.but now it is a need for me. wife has said that there is no chance for a reconcile between us i have damaged her to the point of not getting past it whether it be 10 years down the road she feels she will still have to watch over her shoulder to protect herself from me<emotionally> .
all i have now is time and faith in God to get me thru this, but wife must do what she feels what is in the best intrest for her and her emotions.

i hold no blame to her, as i said b4 i spent to many years pushing her away for what i thought was right. It Wasn't.

I'm glad to here that you were up front and faced the parents etc. This shows that your not just sorry that you got caught, but that you are now disgusted with porn and the results of it in your life. I don't think that most men realize how it can affect a woman.
For instance, how would you feel if most movies had men taking their pants off with your wife watching? A mans chest doesn't have "breasts" so thats not the same. I don't allow movies that I will see something that I wouldn't allow to be seen live in my livingroom. What would my kids friends think if I walked around topless in my livingroom??? A few parents would be calling(or peaking through my window!)
As far as a wife feels, I would feel that my husband was cheating on me or not happy with our sex or my body if he were to view porn. It cheapens God's idea of lovemaking in his Holy Matrimony (which he is the creator of) to merely a sinful sport of flesh which can easily spiral downward to even raping and killing a five year old girl(just read they caught her killer thank God!) I'm sure that man started with porn. I still recall Ted Bundy's interview with Dr. James Dobson and warned the public how he started with soft porn to hard porn to rape and murder. This is definately of the devil. As a christian I can see nothing to be gained by it.
If you wanted to help your recovery and help this from happening to other men, maybe you could speak out against it publicly (anonomously if you prefer). You speak very articulately and candidly here and I respect you for that. The public needs to hear why it is damaging. If women speak out ,men seem to think they are uptight, rigid and ashamed of their bodies or something! Your wife may take you seriously and be proud that you were trying to help society for the greater good. Just something to think about..
But whatever you decide to do read Ephesians 4&5 and if you have those old thoughts cast them out in the name of Jesus and pray. This REALLY WORKS!!
Then concentrate on good and pure things like your wife and children. After time the "bad guy" will leave you alone for awhile. Theres STRENGTH in the Holy Spirit. Have faith. I've been praying for you and your family.

thankyou Ezra i aprreciate the thoughts and prayers, i will be reading the scripture verses you recomended. I have thought about a way of taking it to the street of letting others know that when women feel the way they do of pron it is for belief in morals and not from being uptight,i believe that if not for women and the morals that the good represent that our world would be a failing planet in the eyes of the Lord.You might say that women keep us men folk in line as not to let our obsessions of vulgarity get to us.
As for me and my wife we are talking and talking good but i still feel that it is still in the stages of making me a better human being and an acceptable person in her eyes that she still loves but can't cope with the pain. Once i heal me then we can work on us,till then all i can do is pray for the strength to get thru this one day at a time and build faith in myself and build our relationship back.
Thankyou again for the responses and the thoughts.