I was just wondering if any of you are married to a Mama's Boy. If so, would you please give any advice about marrying one, and any examples of good or bad things about them.

Would you please describe exactly what you mean by "mama's boy"? Can you list specific traits so we know we are all talking about the same characteristics?

And ... just for fun .... can you describe what might attract a women to a "mama's boy" ... why a woman would find this fellow a man among men?

I don't think it's wise to go *on and on* complaining and cataloging our mate's character flaws unless we are willing to examine what it was about those very flaws that drew us to them in the first place. (examine our own flaws, in other words)

The yin and yang of love, ya know! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thanks

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

<small>[ July 19, 2002, 09:30 AM: Message edited by: Pepperband ]</small>

Pepperband,

He is 23...lives at home...works with Dad in the cotton fields...pays no bills...been dating same girl for 18 months, but doesn't want to get married until he's 30...lets his parents "disrespect" his girl, and won't stick up for her, because it's "MAMA"...need more?

I don't know why she is attracted to him...she doesn't want to be his mom, and she's ready to get married...she feels protected when she is around, and she says she really loves him. Who knows?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by HURRICANE SWEETS:
<strong>Pepperband,

He is 23...lives at home...works with Dad in the cotton fields...pays no bills...been dating same girl for 18 months, but doesn't want to get married until he's 30...lets his parents "disrespect" his girl, and won't stick up for her, because it's "MAMA"...need more?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">sheesh, he sure sounds like good marriage material to me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Amazing that a woman would waste her time with that in a country where the women are FREE to choose a mate. What a dismal waste of that liberty!

Never marry mama's boy! Unless you want to put up with unexpected lenthy visits, stupid advices just about everything and e.t.c. Be prepared that in every disagreement you will be wrong and she will be right. They never really let there sons go. It's like having OW in your life from day one.

I was married to my husband for 11 years. He is having an affair for over a year. Moved back with mommy. I don't want to work on anything not because of OW (that's very paifull, but I thing we could get throught it), but because I want mommy out of my life for good.

Just a theory ....

If a woman is attracted to a Mama's Boy she may feel less comfortable and less secure with a man who offers more of a challenge. A Mama's Boy will feel safer to her than a challenging man, an independent man. An independent man might leave a woman some day. If a young woman is looking to fill a certain deep seated psychological need ( say, for instance, a need to have a man who will not likely ever choose to leave her) ... this young woman may find a man who cannot leave his mother attractive. A man who is pathologically dependent upon a woman is less likely to abandon that relationship. The young woman just senses that if she can lure this man away from his Mama, then he is hers for life ... because he attaches very, very firmly to a feminine object. The problem then becomes one of a contest between two rivals .... which woman will this man barnacle himself to??? Then, once this woman has her man ... she will likely (years later) complain about his clinging and his suffocating presence and his inability to stand up for himself to others .... (but she doesn't want him to stand up to her). She gets what she wants, and then it drives her nutz!

Just a theory ....

Pepper

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Amazing that a woman would waste her time with that in a country where the women are FREE to choose a mate. What a dismal waste of that liberty!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That's kinda what I wonder...he does have a few good qualities...nice looking, hard working, and in her eyes, he has lots of money, too.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">They never really let there sons go. It's like having OW in your life from day one.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't you think that the sons never let go of their mom's, too?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Then, once this woman has her man ... she will likely (years later) complain about his clinging and his suffocating presence and his inability to stand up for himself to others .... (but she doesn't want him to stand up to her). She gets what she wants, and then it drives her nutz!
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Will a woman ever really have a Mama's Boy? I think he's going to always be a Mama's Boy. Any more ideas or examples of reasons to avoid one???

Thanks y'all!

<small>[ July 20, 2002, 12:07 PM: Message edited by: HURRICANE SWEETS ]</small>

Are there anymore Mama's boys stories??

Steve Auderburn (sp) wrote a book entitled "Avoiding Mr. Wrong" and in it he describes a "Mama's boy" to a tee. He says to run, run, run. Nothing but misery can come from this type of relationship unless he breaks all ties with mother. That's very difficult to do. He does say that once it's done, the these type of men do make good husbands.

I married a "Mama's boy". It was well hidden from me during our courtship. He refused to tell me about past dating relationships and that should have been a clue. They ran when they got to know mom. I was kept at a comfortable distance so I couldn't see her sickness.

He distanced himself from me on the honeymoon. I did think it odd that they called constantly but dad was helping maintain husband's business while we were gone.

MIL told me, "You know sex is a sin." I was told I was not welcome in their lake home. I was treated horribly by both h and in-laws. When I complained, I was told that I was the problem and my h believed it until after her death 15 years later. After her death, H began his affair with a woman who is just like his mother...controlling, mean, shallow, and a liar.

He still will go back into that control mode that she programmed for him from time to time. She brainwashed him to believe I was the enemy. It took a counselor for him to see her as she truly was. Even at our wedding the relatives said among themselves...
"Poor girl..she doesn't know what she's in for."

My MIL controlled every aspect of her son's life. He now drinks to deal with all that she robbed from him. She decided who he could date, where he was to live, what he did and where he went. Sick. Sick. Sick.

She hated me because I refused to be controlled. I just stayed away. In the end my in-laws and husband lost out the most. I don't have a good marriage but I have a daughter who loves me...they had/have a grandchild/child who prefers to not be in their presence. They tried to do a number on her brain too...she didn't fall for it.

My advice to this girl is to get away from this family. They've got more problems that she can begin to imagine. She'll not find happiness in that family.

amhurt,

How awful. I know things like this happens, and I hate to hear about it, because it scares me for my friend. She has had a hard life, and I hate for her to get involved in another hard situation.

Here's the latest example of what happened: Friends' BF was supposed to go with her out of town last Sunday. He was to be at her house at 7:00 AM. He had not shown up at 7:30, so she called his house. His Dad said, "Do you know that it is 7:30 in the morning? Do not be calling our house while we are asleep." He proceeded to tell her that his son would not be going anywhere on that day, because it was "church day". Although I agree that Sunday is church day, I thought that was really rude. He didn't even wake my friend's BF up and let him talk to her.

just bumping...

In a cosmopolitan magazine about 2 months ago, I read an article titled "will he cheat". (I think that was the title). The number one question was:

Did he get anything he wanted as he grew up? (was he spoiled).

Has he always had someone bail him out of financial difficulties (parents)?

And there was one more I can't remember that applied to a boy/man's upbringing.

Anyway, all of them were indicators of Mama's boys. The article stated that these men WOULD cheat because they were so used to getting what they wanted and only thinking of themselves and not ever having to face the consequences of their actions.

Does the shoe fit him?

Sons never let their mommy's go too. It's an unhealthy and very strong attachment. Some of them are narcissist - there are great materials about that on the web about.
You will be always compared to mommy, expected to do everything for them, as mommy always did. And it's simply impossible to live up to their expectations, especially with small children.
They cheat because with a new woman for some time, they get what they used to - total undivided attention and admiration.
From my experience they do stay in the relationship for a very long time and can be a very devoted husbands, but only after mommies are gone.
You may find happiness very late in life, but then why bother...And nfortunately we only learn from our own mistakes.

Hurricane,
Go buy that book for her. It'll help her in other relationships too. I gave one to my daughter.

What did she say to him about not showing up for their 7:00 date? That in itself should be the end of the relationship.

Too bad the young think that love can conquer all or that they can change another.

If she's had a bad life so far, she's needing love and attention. It may be he's the only one she thinks is available to give her that attention. This poor girl needs guidance and I pray you're the one to help her.

Still looking for more advice....need lots of convincing things to tell her.

Jamup,

Yes, I think the shoe fits him to a tee.

Thanks.

bumping again <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />