Throughout this whole ordeal, I have heard from more than one person, this statement:

"The first few years of marriage are the hardest! Don't worry...it will get better."

How does this apply? Is it the first few years of being together or being married that has this effect on people? Because H & I lived together for years before we got married, and I don't really feel like much changed from then til the A happened.

And how many "hard" years is one expected to endure before finally coming to the decision that this is not the person for you? Valuable time could be wasted here.

I'm just hearing this alot, and wondered if it really holds any water, or it's just something people tell you so that you don't give up so easily.

Input?

The statement I heard also. I was the same unloving, selfish, s.o.b. before and after getting marriage. Look where that got me.

wwl

<small>[ July 19, 2002, 06:03 PM: Message edited by: wrestlingwithlove ]</small>

We lived together a year...and that was a very tough adjustment period. Our first year of marriage was still a little rocky. It did get easier for us until our son came along. By easier...I guess we just kind of had a groove going that worked for us. Then son came along...I stayed home...and it got really tough from there. Tornado took everything when son was only 10 months old and the EA began a few months after that. So needless to say...it was VERY rocky for the next 2 years. Things are WAAAAY better now than they EVER were. So if you count 10 years as "the first few"...that statement would be true.

I think it's just meaning that for most people the first few years require a lot of adjustment. I don't think it means anything monumental if you don't fit that category. Do you?

Your question reminds me of a general tone that a "former poster" used to have (SnL)...

The question of "fit"...

Well, my personal take is that if you got stuck with the "wrong one" after X years of life before the A, what makes you think that finding someone else and going through the same stuff will result in any better quality of life?

I mean, in the end, a lot of your QofL is about YOU, right?

Here's a great quote I like to think of often:

"If we lean on our mate for all of our happiness, we’ve got an ego problem and we’re
pressuring our mate. We’re trying to make romantic love do something that it cannot do,
which is solve our ego problem. So people who have low self-esteem, they move rapidly
towards boredom and contempt and pessimism and rebellion."

Not trying to be hard on you, but it is worth considering... are your complaints valid because your H isn't listening to you? Or is it because you're looking for something that he cannot solve, regardless?

Things to consider...