I find it amusing that when I don't respond for a few days, people assume that I have vanished because I don't like the opinions that have been receiving.

I find myself in an emotionally good place because I believe I have gone through the withdrawl. But I have also maintained a limited friendship with my friend. I talked with her on Tuesday, but not since then. I don't feel like I need to call her like I used to. I don't hang on waiting for a messge from her. That tells me that my instinct was right. It was me who felt the feelings of love and if I allowed them to burn out they would.

I am glad that I did not tell my wife. What good would that have done me or my wife? If this woman calls me, fine. If not, fine. That seems to be like it is with most friends.

I believe that given time the emotional attraction on cases like mine will diminish. The danger is when they are hot and heavy to take the next step, or to do something rash like tell the spouses.

It is better to deal with it when the heart and head are clear.

I ask this question and it may help others who are lurking on here:
1. Can anyone point out any dangerous spots ahead for me? This woman views it as a friendship only as do I. If something was going to happen it would have when it was intense

2.Does anyone believe it is best to let the situation come to rest before making rash decisions about telling or such things?

I will be gone for the weekend and not vanishing

Hi Tempted,
Al I will say is that male/female friendships are they possible? In general no. (my opinion) For the few who can keep it only friends that are similar to same sex friends, then they are the few who can benefit from this friendship. Those are very far and few between.

Most male/female friendships are walking a very fine line and it would be easy to cross. The best case scenario when both are M, is neither one will cross. The next best is only one will cross and the other sets them strait and possibly they don't see each other while the one who crossed gets their head straight. When both cross, now you have an A, and many hearts get broken.

Well, I find it amusing that you consider 2 weeks withdrawal. Withdrawal requires no contact, which you blew. So, no, you have not really experienced withdrawal. I hope you will be spending the weekend with your wife, building your marriage.

You are going to do whatever you want, so why ask for any more advice?

Tempted,

I suspect what will happen is that someone else will come along that you'll be attracted and your story will repeat itself with the new person and probably be taken even further.

Reason being is that it doesn't appear that you have learned anything as a result of your experience. If anything you have learned that you can get away with having an A. You seem quite proud of your accomplishment in fact.

Some people really need hard hard lessons; you seem to be one of them. CSue

Im a BS with a H who wont admit that what he is doing is wrong. He also feels they are just friends although it has gone beyond that. It is an emotional affair with no plans yet of physical contact. IT is online chatting in a game. It hurts me very much. Its not fair to leave your w in the dark. It really isn't. HOw would you feel if she had some person on the side that was on the brink of an affair.

Luci

I read with interest the post from someone who said that it seems likely that I will simply enter another affair. I think this is misguided, and shows that some people fail to realize the power these kind of relationships can have on someone be they a woman or a man.
Right now I have three women, two of them married, who have made it clear they would like to have an affair with me. One has been telling me that blatantly for more than a year. I have never taken any of them up on the opportunity and never given them any indication I would.
That bolsters my argument that my friendship with this woman was different.The relatioinshipo, even if it was not all real, had a tremendous hold on my heart.
I have evaluated why I got to that situation and why I have no problem turning down the other women. I have not yet found an answer, but it is becuase of a weakness in me. I have been working hard at keeping busy, not thinking abuot the other woman and focusing on my wife.
It has been almost two weeks since we saw each other and that was for just about one minute. ION the two weeks we have talked on the phone twice. Do I miss it? Yes, but not like I used to
I still find the woman nice, but nice in the way I find other people nice. I believe that when my emotions wane I can be friends with the woman. Maybe I am a fool, but where is the danger? She was never as emotionally into me as I was to her.
Someone asked how I would feel if my wife had a friend like this. First, I don't know. Maybe she does. But if she did/does it is because something is missing within her.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Right now I have three women, two of them married, who have made it clear they would like to have an affair with me. One has been telling me that blatantly for more than a year. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This alone screams that you have boundary issues. If you were clear on your boundaries, no woman would feel comfortable approaching you with wanting to have an affair with you, REGARDLESS of whether or not you actually ever do have an affair.

Affairs happen when you fail to safeguard your weaknesses, not because something is missing in you. Having contact with a woman as a "friend" or boundaries so loose that women claim to be willing to have an affair with you is failing to safeguard your weaknesses!

<small>[ July 22, 2002, 11:01 AM: Message edited by: Susan ]</small>

Tempted ... Would you please share with the forum the ways by which you intend to increase your love for your wife, the sanctity and specialness of your marriage , and the happiness of your family?

Such posts are always much appreciated by us folks here at Marriage Builders.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

My point about the chance to have other affiars was to show that I still can not figure out my weakness. One woman, who I sit next to at work, came out and asked me point blank about having an affiar. She too is married. I declined. The other two have made it clear, but want me to make the move. Again, I have done nothing, nor anything to lead them on.
My point is that my weakness is not physcial. I have no interest in getting into bed with another woman.
But i did fall in "love" with this friend of mine, and I can not to this day tell you what happened or why.
I do agree with all of you that I am lucky that she never felt the same way. that would have been trouble.
I am spending lots of time around wife, doing the things I know make her happy and me, too.

"I am spending lots of time around wife, doing the things I know make her happy and me, too."

What things exactly?

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Turning off the TV and listening, really listening. Lying in bed and talking. Going to dinner alone

Nice!

How has this helped your marital intimacy and your love for her?

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

bump

^^^

Wondering how it's going, Tempted...

Where are you?

??????????????????????????????????????????????????

How's it going?