Just a question...does anyone feel that the events of Sept. 11 had anything to do with their beginning an affair?

I definitely do. My WH's affair started a few weeks after Sept 11th and he had 2 friends die that day. He doesn't think it affected him but our MC and I believe it did.

My W's view on life changed after the 11th. Things like going out with friends and doing things she hadn't tried before became very important to her. I on the other hand spent more time in the home alone. I don't know if those events have a direct relationship with my W's actions, but they certainly make you think.

Its funny that you mention 9/11. I believe that what happened on that day had a great deal to do with my H confessing to his A. As we sat glued to the TV, watching in horror and holding each other, it caused him to remember, think about what was important in his life, and that was me and the kids, not the OW. It was an event that changed my life in a number of ways because 3 days after, he confessed to me. And tho we've had a rough road at times since then, we are in recovery and doing well. C

You would think that something like 9/11 would make people want to re-commit to their marriages, having gotten a wake-up as to what's really important -- but not always.

There was one story about the woman who'd suspected her husband of cheating for a while and was trying, in that slow and painful process we all know very well, to work it out.

When 9/11 happened, she realized that life was just too short to live with months and years of lying, deception, and disloyalty from someone who supposedly loves you. She got rid of him and moved on. End of story, beginning of a better life for her.

But this is my favorite 9/11 story. It may be an urban legend, but I have to believe it happened at least once (and probably more than once:)

H gets frantic call on his cell phone from his wife. "Where are you?" she screams. "I've been trying to reach you for two hours!"

"I'm in my office. Where else would I be?"

It was around noon on 9/11. His office had been in one of the towers. Needless to say, he'd been shacked up in his girlfriend's apartment all morning with romantic music playing on the stereo. TV, radio, and cell phone were off.

You can't get any more busted than that. But I'm sure he denied it anyway.

Psycho_B***h

My H moved out about a month before 9/11. The Sat. before he told me he wouldn't be talking to OW that week. We were in contact by phone all day on 9/11. He told me that and I quote "this really puts things into perspective." He came over that night and we all watched the news and the President talk. By time the weekend came....he was off picking up OW because she was stranded from her vacation. He drove over 2000 miles in a 4 1/2 day period to take her back to her house. He really put things into perspective!! Crazy, old me is thinking how your family is the most important thing.....they come first.....I can't believe how far off base his thoughts were!

<small>[ July 20, 2002, 10:45 PM: Message edited by: Feeling So Alone ]</small>

My H's renewed contact with the ow after 9/11 after no contact for about a month. He is on the NYPD and was down at the WTC that day, he came home with a broken knee and a broken hand and a lot of damage to his mind. At the end of Oct. I told him to make up his mind, I was tired of doing all the work in the relationship. He could stay and work on the marriage or go be with her, I was at the point that it didn't matter to me anymore. I gave he a weekend alone to make up his mind. At the end of the weekend he told me he was leaving. I asked if he needed help packing and he broke down and told me that he didn't want to leave but that he needed help. The next day he called a MC for us and a C for himself. He has had no contact with the ow since then and our recovery is going great. I know this sounds crazy but 9/11 saved our marriage. Because of everything that happened to him and all he saw that day he was finally willing to get the help our marriage needed. Before then he was unwilling to see a MC, he kept telling me that we could work it out on our own. His knee and his hand have healed and with the help of the C and his meds he is doing better with his depression and nightmares (he has PTSD) and we are closer then ever.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by neverthought:
<strong>Just a question...does anyone feel that the events of Sept. 11 had anything to do with their beginning an affair?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But of course I do agree with you there! However, our 9/11 was in 2000. That is the day our almost 4 yr old didn't wake up. He wasn't sick. He just died in his sleep (and no one knows why or how).

My H and I were having problems in our M for many months prior to Andrew's death. At the time of his death, my H was already signed on to goodness knows how many chat lines and dating boards. And he was already dating one woman inparticular - who dumped him when she found out about Andrew's death!!! (of course, at that same time, my H had found out that he wasn't the only one she was 'seeing'- none of us MBers are surprised at that one, eh??? LOL).

Anyways... instead of turning closer together due to the horrific event of the loss of our child, we began to fall into the 'statistics' of couples who lose a child to death. We were separated 5 months later.

Instead of turning to me in our time of grieving, he turned to other women. There are 3 that he slept with (that I KNOW of), and eventually, he realized that they weren't capable of giving him the happiness he was looking for.

Well... that's my mini-vent for the day. I know I'm not answering the way you intended from your question, but it's an important day for us too. And after the week I just had, I needed the vent. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Thanks for reading. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Karen

Karen,
I am so very sorry for your loss. I certainly can see that devastating events in our lives lead us to do the unthinkable sometimes. Doesn't excuse it, but is just one way of dealing with the pain. Thank you so much for sharing...