Hello,

I just found this website and I am hoping that someone there can help me. I have been married about 25 yrs-3 kids that are not at home. Our marriage has disintegrated gradually over the last 5-10 years so that we have just co-existed together. Neither of us treated eash other very nice. There was no abuse but we just quit talking and sharing. About a yr ago I found out that my husband was having online relationships with women. To my knowledge he never met any of them just chatted and there were some phone conversations.

About 6 months ago he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore and after much discussion he decided to stay and see if we could change things around. I begged for us to go to counceling but he refused. We co-existed for the next 6 months and did lots of things together but never really addressed the problem. Then last week he told me he couldn't go on and that he or I should leave. I left for the night but came back the next day-basically because I was so distraught I didn't know what to do. The next day we talked and he decided we would take 1 day at a time. I don't know if this is because he didn't know what else to do or if it was feelings of guilt because of the way the kids reacted.

I did see a councellor this week and I felt better afterwards. He pretty much told me to give it time and if he really wanted to be gone he would be. I believe that we have been more receptive to each other the last few days but I just do not know what to do?

I want to have our relationship back so bad. If there was a way to erase all the co-existing years I would. How can I build from here? Is there any hope? I really love him but I don't understand why he backs away from intimacy? Is this typical? What should I do?

RIMG;

Sorry to hear about your predicament; but have faith, your situation is not as dire as many others here.

It appears your H is not having an affair, and he's with you and wishing to work on your marriage, and all of that is very, very good.

I would recommend you read up on much of the materials here at the MB site, in particular Dr, Harley's articles and Q&A sections.

If both of you are game, read Dr. Harley's "His Needs, Her Needs" book, and do the exercises he describes there. This will help you find out what has been happening to both of you, and how to start fulfilling each others' emotional needs.

From there you can move on to "Love Busters" and repeat the process.

As you do this, I believe you both will start seeing some changes in your relationship, and you'll both begin to be happier.

Best of luck, keep posting for advice and support.