I just recently recieved this letter from my wife and wanted to share it and ask for anyone's advice...
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"Hello...hope you're doing ok. Sorry I was abrupt last night, but I really was tired and hearing you talk away at me like everything was ok really hit a raw nerve. It's very hard to talk to you or see you right now.

I'm in the process of filing the paperwork for our divorce. I'm sorry things have come to this, but you already know all the reasons. I'm so ready to close this chapter of my life, and I hope you'll not make things mopre difficult than they already are for either one of us.

I just needed to let you know that I need the following information from you:

-Your Driver's License #
-Any of your Bank account #'s and the current balances
-a copy of each current credit card bill (including any in your name only)
-dates purchased and cost of each car (for the car, I need to know how much is still owed.)
-your 401k information
-your current salary

I know that seems like some pretty personal stuff but it's required for me to fill out the appropriate paperwork... I have to put in all my info too and you'll get a copy of the disclosure of the same info for me. The alternative is to get attorneys involved and I know that neither you nor I want that...

As far as current bills go, please drop a me an email with the whatever you've already paid, and the amount of the total bill. I'll write you a check for the combined amount. As far as credit cards go- I'll pay 1/2 of whatever you pay until I can create my own solution for my half of the debt. I'm hoping to do so within the next 2 weeks."
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I guess this is it huh?
I think I have been believing so much that God was going to turn this thing around, but I guess His timing is a bit different than mine.

How callous! Did she have an A or did you, or did neither? Need a little history.

It sounds over, but with God, all things are possible. Good luck.

MH,
Good to see you again... been wondering about you. Sorry that this is the news you have for us. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I don't believe that God chooses to force reconcilement. I believe He lets us make our own choices, and learn tough lessons. Keep your eyes on Him, MH.

I have to tell you, that I think you have done so much to try to save your marriage. you have been patient, worked hard on yourself, and let CH know your deep love and commitment. I feel that now, you should continue to communicate with her that you DON'T want a divorce, but give her some cooperation. Her letter seems very typical - sounds very much like letters from my XH, and others I've seen here.

Get yourself an attorney, and drag your feet as much as you can.

You've done great MH... you are a good man, and you will find a fulfilling life with or without CH.

{{{{{Missing Her}}}}}

Thanks Faith for your reply...
I am dealing with so many emotions right now, but probably the worst of them is how she speaks to me. She is very terse and angry all the time, no kindness, no caring. I told her that I needed to sit down and councel with an attorney to find out my legal rights, she is doing this on the internet and I want to make sure I am protected, she has become very angry about this. She says I am trying to make it harder and dragging my feet and raking her through the mud. I just want to do the right thing, but I don't feel like I can just sign everything over and that be okay. I have much praying to do over this you know. She tells me that I am just protecting myself and that its all about me once again, but why is she so adamant all of a sudden. Its like, she wants it RIGHT NOW, and anything that slows that process for her is evil. I wonder what is really going on, and who she is listening to? I know that she isn't going to church like she has claimed she is, and that she is spending time with people who aren't Christians, that can't be good. This is just all so bizaare, the way she is treating me now. Its like she can't even be cordial or nice at all, and the nicer I am, the more hateful she becomes...what gives?

^

The anger is to protect her...she's afraid to love you again. I was the WS and I was very much that way with hubby. The nicer he would be...the meaner I would become. Then I would feel guilty, and that would just add to the anger. It's a really nasty cycle.

I agree with Faith...continue being nice but drag your feet if at all possible. She's just fighting the fear. Good luck!

MH,
What do you think about going to Plan B? Mainly to protect you. Plan B doesn't have to be ONLY in cases of continued infidelity. It can be implemented when any type of abuse continues.

We can help you write a letter, but it should mainly remind her of your love, desire for marital recovery, and request for no contact - except via e-mail concerning business or financial matters - or perhaps through your attorney. The no-contact is to protect the love remaining in your love bank - should she desire to recover, and to avoid the mutually painful interactions between you two.

Your W is behaving a lot like my XH. Plan B protected me from most of his anger. I only consulted an attorney, because we were able to reach settlement agreements via e-mail. He also consulted an attorney - to draw up the papers and ask questions.

Keep us posted. Don't stay gone for so long! We worry aboutcha!

Thank you all for your posts...
Faith, just wanted to let you know that I have kind of seen what we are doing since she moved out as a plan B. We haven't had "no contact" in the truest sense, but we don't talk about anything accept business, I finally made that decision after she continued to want to talk about my A and what a bad person I was, I was sick of crying and being hurt by her continually bringing up my A. But just last night we traded cars, long story and she started going through some of my credit card bills to find out how much we owe and numbers and all that stuff. She keeps telling me that state law requires for me to disclose all of the things she wants. She is so angry about me wanting to consult an attorney...she definately thinks that I am stalling. Have you talked to Steve about that kind of stuff, what does he say? Just curious, because so many people are saying that I shouldn't stall, that it will just make her mad. I know that stalling hasn't even really entered my mind, but, I digress...I think I have been doing a plan B, though not the most strict, it hasn't had much of an affect, at least not one that I can see other than just making her more angry at me all the time. Interesting to hear from Hope4future on that. Its definately seemingly the cycle that she is in. Did you tell your husband things like, I never really loved you, marrying you was a mistake, I wish I never would have met you? Is this just anger talking?

^

MH, sorry... I don't lurk as much as i used to. But I do keep an eye out for certain ones. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I didn't consult with Steve H. After a failed attempt at counseling with him (H called one time with me), and then H handed me D papers, I never felt too much need to consult with Steve. I stalled as much as I felt I could. I felt my way around H to be determine how much room I had. THis may have been wrong or right - I don't know. It was what I felt comfortable doing. I wasn't trying to push him to anger, but I did what I was comfortable with, I told him that. If I felt rushed, I told him that. I explained that I needed to consult an attorney, so I did. That's none of your W's business - you have a right to do that, and you should. Your W is the one wanting out of the marriage. You feel that you are being forced into something you dont' want, and you should have an attorney if you want. Divorce is not simple and friendly.

Again, my recommendation for you, based on what I did: Write a plan B letter, limit communication to e-mail only, take your time, remain calm and respectful, answer questions you are comfortable answering, and consult an attorney. You may have to disclose information to her, but you don't <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . SHe can't force you to do anything. SHe needs to give you time and mutual respect in order for you to cooperate. IMVHO.

I could have drug my heels long enough to have our case thrown out. H would have had to file again, or let the divorce finalize HIS way, then face ME contesting it. I didn't push it that far. But I didn't give it to him on a silver platter either.

You need to protect yourself from her anger, and from her control. She is trying to control you to push this divorce through her way. It's YOUR marriage too. Just my thoughts....

Hang in there.

I hope that Hope4Future will pop back in here for ya. You may need to post something for her if she doesn't. You can read some of her interactions with sad dad the past months or so if you wanna look some of those up.

I'll check back in soon on ya. Keep us updated!