PLEASE GOTO RECENT POST ON THIS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

WW had PA w/ coworker Friday at her new job she started 2 weeks ago. Came home, told me about it and asked for a separation with a guaratee we won't get divorced. Can I guarantee that I won't want one or that she won't?

Anyway, scoop up my kids and cousin I'm watching to go to sisters w/WW agreement. Come back. and she doesn't want to separate anymore, but can't commit to us or not "acting on desires". OOOH,
Lots of LBeing.

OK, out comes my Plan B, Have to part because pain and LB is draining what love I have left, and that we have left. And, we will need it to approach reconciliation when she can truthfully commit to working on our marriage. Understanding and compassion, true and only love, and we can work it out, even the past, in all nighter draft of Plan B letter. Lot's of tears from her, but doesn't want to leave. ELLLBEEEs. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Ask her to respect my wishes...I'm weak I give in <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Tell her if you stay it is to work on marraige, I'll <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> swallow you're new job and whatever scenario I envision, and ask to TRUST her to call, if she can't stop, so we can put Plan B into effect without any further hurt to us or further discussion except about kids and money, vehicle, etc, details.

Did I screw up? Her indicisions killing me. She is this evening talking to her mother and aunt (I think) about what to do. Because, I told her I can't live in limbo, anymore. On or off this pot. Decide what you want! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Correct me if I'm wrong... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Yep, I'm crazy. She made her decision friday and I'm a glutton for punishment.
TERRY

<small>[ July 23, 2002, 10:06 AM: Message edited by: bourbons ]</small>

I suggest that both of you go to counseling ASAP not only for you, and your WW's, wellbeign but also for your children's as well.

For what it's worth, your WW is confused but she was honest in confesing to you what she did and in my book that counts a lot. She is trying to find the right answer to her dilema and is reaching out to you for help. Right now she needs you more as a friend. Continuing to be married because of fear instead of love, is an unhealthy and unhappy way to live. Remember that both of you are free individuals that have CHOSEN each other OF YOUR OWN FREE WILLS to be married to one another. YOU DO NOT OWN EACH OTHER. You can not and should not try to do anything to force her to change because it is a futile task.

You have to do some soul searching to find out if her infidelity is forgivable or not in your book. If it is, then you would do well in following the Marriage Builders method of marital recovery. It it isn't, then contact a lawyer and start divorce proceedings so that you can move on with your life.

Good luck and God bless.

I have to second the counseling!

Get to one immediately...
...and if possible consider MB counseling!

You need direction... and focus...
...and your W needs it that much more.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Jim/NSR

We have agreed to counseling... 4th session this tuesday. Dedication and commitment toward working on marriage. MB included. Today.

I'm thrilled, but still haven't chilled. However, what a wonderful feeling forgiveness has brought. This may sound "selfish", but, I feel respect and honor for myself like I haven't felt for a long time. Regardless of the final outcome or results. The swallowing of my pride has been a great honor. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Thanks MB gurus <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> How do we handle the return to work? It is a small lab and I don't want her confront with guilt all day, or me to worry all day. Hard to quit as money problems pretty bad. we've thought:
1. Tell couple that own lab truth about initial seduction in work place by OM and subsequent PA in workplace. Maybe this has happened B/4. Sexual harrasement? Let the chips fall from there.

2. Wife to tell OM stay away. Or me to confront OM.

3. Take monday off until answer comes?

Suggestions <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
God Bless You All,
TERRY

Is this how you bump? please look at last reply above

Gotta bump this for an answer.
Wife sitting w/me concerned.
TB/AB

Hi Terry--

My H's sitting here with me too. The question is, does she want to work on the marriage, OR does she want further intimacy with the OM?

IF she wants to work on the marriage (and seems like she does), we suggest she tells the OM that she made a mistake, no more, her H knows and she meant no harm and hopes they can continue to work together professionally. If he respects her wishes, all is well in that arena. If he doesn't, she can tell him he may face confrontation from you AND their employers.

She will need to be completely honest and open with you about any contact they have...and you need to support her by NOT lovebusting. Time and patience when applying MB concepts will help you two a lot. Good luck. I really hope you figure it out for the sake of your family.

IMHO:

If daily contact is required with the OM, it will be torturous for your WW to go back to work if she is indeed interested in ending the A. Just try to put yourself in her shoes. She is emotionally and physically attached to someone she can't have and has to see on a daily basis. Don't kid yourselfs. This is tremendously difficult and painful to go through a withdrawal while contact is still required. It will lengthen the withdrawal time considerably if she every gets over it. Remember that an A is to your wife like Alcohol is to an Alcoholic. Do not dangle the mixed drink in front of her, it is unkind and terribly selfish. It is not worth the money?

Look at finding another job. It is not an unheard of or impossible task, right? Even if a re-location is necessary, which is more important MONEY OR MARRIAGE? We all have to make difficult choices in life that can cause some financial discomfort. Look at your priorities and make decisions based on those instead of your physical comfort.

Just my thoughts.

I was a WW and worked with the OM. I honestly don't think the A would have ever ended if I hadn't left my job. We tried about every day to be "just friends" but it couldn't be done once we had begun an EA/PA. Over time your wife may be able to return to "normal" but it won't happen while she is working there.

I'm hoping we did the right thing...without expectations of outcome we met with owners (a married couple) Sunday night and presented a detailed & honest picture of everything. And I mean everything...from the seduction to the actual & consectual act. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> They let the OM go and assured me that they would not allow anything like confrontation, contact, or conversation to happen between WW & OM.

Monday WW worked last half of the day after the OM was fired! Because, of this unexpected re-sult, I make it sound like a good thing. IS IT. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I know deep down, through the forgiveness, taking WW back, MB track, etc. I wish some punishment on Amanda. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Therapy today...and will bring Harley compensation from recovery into view. Any advice or insight on this?

I feel I'm doing the right things. They all hurt..But, my self-esteem, honor, respect for myself, a new skill and understanding of forgiveness, have been restored and renewed regardless of the final outcome to be seen.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> Thanks to MB Gurus Terry

,,,BUMP >>>> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Whenever I come up with a question as to whether or not the right thing was done, I ask myself this simple question, "was what I did wrong." If it was not wrong, then it must be right. There are many rights in life just like there are many wrongs.

Did the OM deserve to lose his job. YES!!! What a creep to use his power to seduce. If he did it once, without consequences, he will do it again. GOOD JOB BOSSES. I wish my WW's OM would loose his job. He too used his power to seduce. He would totally ignore her if she would not submit to his advances. YUK!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

GREAT JOB GUYS!!!