Still plodding along, feeling like the proverbial tortoise, but wasn't his slow and steady pace the reason why he won the race?
Slowly, cautiously, and with a lot of lip biting on my part, things seems to be moving forward. I have spent almost every afternoon and night this last week at the house, yes, even sleeping in the same bed as W. No SF yet, but at least we are able to be close together again. I don't even ask her if I can come over, I just show up, basically reestablishing my role as an H to W and father to my kids, basically being married again. So far W hasn't balked at this either, she seems very happy to have me around, helping with the kids, house work, and even being able to go do things by herself without having to drag the kids along. Almost like things were before.
And yes, its hard not to say anything about the A, OM or where our relationship is going, but I am managing to avoid it. Sometime it has to be discussed, but not right now, not until we have reconnected some more. Besides, this is a great opportunity to show W the changes I have made and remind her of what we had and what she may lose if we part out ways. If I don't hammer her with the A (she has admitted she is worried that I will hold this over her forever), then she will know how serious I am about rebuilding our M, so I stay away from this subject unless she brings it up.
I've been hearing this song a lot on the radio lately, don't know why, but it really seems to make sense to me so I thought I would share it with y'all:
I took my love and I took it down
Climbed a mountain and turned around
And I saw my reflection in the snow-covered hills
'til the landslide brought it down
Oh, mirror in the sky -What is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?
Can I sail through the changin'...ocean tides
Can I handle the seasons of my life?
I don't know.....I don't know
Well I've been afraid of changin'
because I've built my life around you
But time makes you bolder, even children get older
And I'm getting older too....
So, take my love...take it down
Climb a mountain and turn around
and if you see my reflection in the snow-covered hills...
well the landslide will bring it down
The landslide will bring it down
I am afraid of changing myself, but I know I can do it, I know I can handle anything life can throw at me because of the changes I have made within myself. I also built my life around W and somewhere along the line, I lost my own personal identity in doing so and that is one of the reason why our old-M failed like it did.
So for those of you who need some inspiration, hopefully my story can provide a little of it. Keep plodding along, keep focusing on the finish line, but also keep focusing on yourself. For those of you who know my complete story, it's a miracle that W and I have gotten to this point at all, so yes, miracles do happen, and they can happen in all of your situations as well!
Take care.
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