Hi, Everyone, hope you had a better weekend than I did. H saw OW on Friday at work, and she told him that she and her husband had come to an understanding and that she was leaving him and moving to our home city (she lives an hour away, where my H works two days a week). I took the news well, it isn't my H's fault that she is doing this, but what is she trying to accomplish by leaving her family and hometown? She will have to commute to work an hour both ways every day by moving here, why would she do this? She asked my H if he missed her, and he wasn't able to answer her because they were interrupted. He said he didn't get a chance to talk to her later, he didn't want to initiate anything with her. He isn't at all upset that she is doing this. He says he hopes she gets out of this bad relationship she has been in, and that she finds someone else. He assures me he has no intention of getting reinvolved with her, so I am believing him. We have a counseling session this week, our first really major one since D-day, and I am looking forward to getting started. We are also taking a short vacation this weekend out of town, just to get away from everything. I can't wait. Thanks in advance for your support and advice. What would I do without all of you?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by tere38:
<strong>she told him that she and her husband had come to an understanding and that she was leaving him and moving to our home city what is she trying to accomplish by leaving her family and hometown? She will have to commute to work an hour both ways every day by moving here, why would she do this? She asked my H if he missed her, and he wasn't able to answer her because they were interrupted</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Sounds a little like what I am going through. Sounds like she still has hope. That they (OW) are so desperate for continued contact that they will go through any means to obtain it...is beyond me. With me, I hold him responsible for allowing her to continue to try and interfere. I just reminded him of the phrase "sometimes you gotta be cruel to be kind", with her (OW) I believe that is the only thing that she can comprehend, since respect is not in her vocabulary. She keeps repeating that she can't understand whey they can't still "Be Friends"! well one thing comes to mind..."Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship never."

Chin up,
Bless.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for the support, I know other people are going through the same experience as me. My husband is such a sweet guy, he is having a hard time doing the 'cruel to be kind' routine, but that is basically what it is going to take with her. When he first talked to her the week after I found out, he told her that I knew, and that the A was over, goodluck and goodbye. That made her furious, she wrote him a 'How can you do this to me?' letter, and gave him a really hard time for that work day. Next time he saw her, she showed up in sexy underwear under her raincoat, trying to 'fight dirty' (her words) to keep him. He just looked at her and walked out of the room. Since then (and it's only been six weeks!!), she has done the hurt and crying routine, and the indifferent routine. Now, I feel like she is trying to catch him off guard and jump him again.

I do feel some compassion for her, it's really sad to be that obsessed with another person, but I know that there is nothing that I can do to stop her until she gets this out of her system. My H is completely exhausted with talking about her, so our new agreement is, unless I am having an impossible to cope with day, we aren't going to discuss her unless she has tried to contact him. I think he needs the break. Does this seem like a logical idea?

Please be careful tere.... Has your husband told her to stop contacting him and that there is no chance of the reltaionship continuing. This needs to happen, and the no contact letter needs to be sent to her.

YOu are in danger with this over zealous- dangerous ow type... she is trying her hardest to steal your husband. Have him write the no contact letter and have him clearly let her know he does not want to see her, email or talk by phone, etc ever again. Now can you do this without lb's? Read this site for more info on the no contact letter. He can not be mr. nice to this demon.

Hugs, HONEY <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Our biggest obstacle is that they have to work together two days a week, because my husband has a clinic at the hospital where she works. Since my H works through our local university, there is absolutely no way that he can stop his clinic days at this hospital, which is an hour from our hometown and his office. He has been straightforward with her, but the no-contact letter has not been sent, mainly because we cannot figure out the wording since they see each other weekly. He has asked that they maintain a professional relationship. She doesn't work for him, just at the hospital where he works. She quit working for him last summer when I first suspected that the A was going on. She left his office and he tells me he was glad that she left, but that the A was able to continue because I didn't know for sure and she was persistant in keeping it going. She had always told him that she would be content to be the OW, because he told her he would never divorce me.

She hasn't tried to contact me at all. I don't know who called me to fill me in on the A to begin with, but she was shocked when H told her that I knew and that it was over. I don't know her at all, so I have no clue what she may be capable of, but if she wants to seal her fate with my H all she has to do is threaten me. He would be furious.

Short, please don't assume she is doing this because of tere38's H. It could go either way really, but to say "That they (OW) are so desperate for continued contact that they will go through any means to obtain it...is beyond me." is a big generalization.

My exOM moved to another city and is now splitting with his wife. It was her choice, she doesn't know about our A, they had major problems in their M and it didn't survive. He has done nothing but tell me he hated living that way (living in a loveless M and getting his needs met elsewhere) and he never wants to do it again. He wants to find his own love, someone that is not already attached. My H knows that he moved and all that, he swears up and down it has to do with our A and the fact my H knows.

It was really for a better paying job, and to get away from his parents who he felt were influencing his M too much. His dad is also pissed at him right now for not just dealing with it. He (his dad) actually told him he wished he would have kept quiet and continued to satisfy himself on the side.

Also, you never know what tere's H told this OW, some of these men lay it on THICK in the beginning. (And I don't care what HE told you was said, you don't know all that went on.) Women are more emotional, and tend to get suckered more easily.

Make him your ally thru this, she will eventually give up if she see's he is in your corner, and not budging.

I wish you the best of luck.

It's one of my greatest concerns, he is not very good at verbalizing his feelings. I don't think he has been really verbal with her about quitting the A since their first conversation, when he told her that I found out, it was over, good luck and good bye. She didn't really take that well at all. I can't insist he tell her verbatim what to say, he would not respond well to that. I have asked him if she knew how he feels about me and our marriage, his response is 'She has always known.' How do you respond to that?

I know him well enough to know that he is being honest with me about their conversations. For instance, this afternoon his nurse from this outlying clinic called to ask about his Friday schedule. When he answered her questions, she told him that OW wanted to tell him something. She asked him how he was doing, then asked him if he had heard the rumor about her and one of the male employees getting a room together after the summer party. She wanted to 'assure' him that it was just a rumor and make sure he wasn't upset. First of all, he hadn't heard the rumor, secondly he just laughed in response to her telling him. I wish he had said, 'This doesn't affect me the way you want it to. I'm sorry.' Maybe that's too female of me, maybe men just never talk like that.