Does anyone have any suggestions for reading material on how to cope with feelings of wanting freedom and questionable regret about marrying too young?

I am in a marriage (2 years so far) that is otherwise wonderful. I am 23. This summer we are apart for my H's job. I am exploring this new independence with some serious confusion. I DO NOT want to complicate my marriage but want to work through this on my own. Any books, experiences?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Hey, I've got EXPERIENCE in that area. Regrettably.

Try A Woman's Book of Life by Joan Borysenko. It won't help you "solve" this feeling, but it will give you a little more insight in to why you're feeling it, and the fact that it is normal (and doesn't HAVE to be acted upon).

The other suggestion I would have would be to find a good counselor. Not ANY counselor...one you really click with. I had a GREAT one for individual counseling, and she helped me a lot with those feelings. I learned how to control my emotions, instead of letting them control me. I learned to let feelings just be feelings instead of thinking I always had to act upon them, or that they always MEANT something.

We all marry too young. None of us are prepared for marriage. That doesn't mean we need to DO anything about that, except maybe learn new skills.

Anyway...if I can answer any specific questions or something...let me know. I remember that restless, I married too young feeling all too well...and I'm VERY glad it's gone!!!

Stop right where you are and don't move!...I just went through this and almost lost my H and children over it. My H is 22 years my senior and at 27. I just had a midlife crisis...without the camero...without the gold chains...just trying to destroy anything good in my life because of the constant and nagging sense of having been married too young...having had one child too many...one bill too many...one mundane household chore too many. I am on the flip side and believe me when I say that you will not feel like this a few months from now... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> . Don't do anything you might regret forever. Will ask H about what kind of reading material I should refer you to. Stop. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200...(monopoly reference)

Thanks both of you. I was laughing out loud! To Bourbons - how do you know I won't feel this way in a few months? I hope to God that I don't. My H comes home end of August and I am anxious to be back into our routine. How did you cope with the "almost" end of your marriage?

Hi J-bird,

You're wise to look for some advice on this topic, and I respect your efforts as such.

Let me give you some wisdom, from my own experience... my wife and I got married when she was 20 and I was 22... we met when she was 15 and I was 17, believe it or not.

So in many ways, we grew up together, shared a lot of good times, and I had expected that she was happy. But she apparently had a lot of those pent up "spread my wings" feelings that she never shared with me. Well, she ended up having an affair with a fellow student years ago, hid it from me, and in doing so, built a wall around herself... which made her second (current) affair much more possible.

Her current affair has literally devastated her. She's losing everything - her security, her family (me), the respect of her parents, etc. - all for a guy who's proven himself to be a cheater. Her desire for independence and freedom was something she talked about a lot after the affair came into the open... and when we finally separated (I left), she suddenly was "given her wish" - freedom. You'd think she'd be happy about it... but she isn't. She's an emotional mess, depressed, has developed skin conditions due to stress, cries easily, has spent thousands on counseling (with no apparent results), etc.

No... that freedom she so desired sounds great in theory... but when forced into reality... it sure seems a lot different... especially knowing you're losing everything for something that's only a concept... the reality of the situation is that "freedom" only means she gets to suffer her pain alone - with no-one but an OM who's naive and selfish to confide in (and a girlfriend who's divorced and been through countless failed relationships).

And here I am... standing up for myself finally. She knows I'm "best" for her (has even admitted such), but has dug herself into such a deep, deep hole that she can't find a way out. I recount my story as a warning of what dangers lie ahead if you're not careful. I think your feelings are normal and can be dealt with - if you look for constructive outlets. Use it as a reason to grow and learn, and you'll be able to look back and smile, not with regret and pain.

"Smart ones learn from their own mistakes. Truly wise ones learn from OTHER people's mistakes!"