Help !!!!!!!! I just cant take this A stuff anymore. Im soooooo sorry for what I did and it seems me and my H are in recovery but the OM wont go away. Im afraid to tell H when he contacts me. H and I have both told OM to stay away. 2 weeks ago i got a letter in the mail from him and didnt read it,,,just ripped it up and threw it away. i didnt tell hubby cuz im so scared of causing him more hurt cuz i have always told him when OM contacts me and it stabs him thru the heart which is understandable and i hate it. I dont talk to OM at all by the way. So after I got the letter i called the police to ask about what to do for harrassment and they told me, but i was too scared to do it. So instead i left a msg on his answering machine telling him what the police told me....big mistake! Today H got msg from OM on his cell phone for me to stop calling him and threatening him, when all i did was ask him not to call me or family members or send mail either.
Why cant i just be smart about this. Why do i let the OM get to me....how do i not let him get to me??? i know people have said do a no contact letter but we have both told him in person to not contact me. HELP!!!!!! i just want to die and get all this crap over with why wont this ever end. Im doing my part with LBing etc and not contacting the OM but he wont leave us alone!
Im a nervous wreck! Im at a loss and feel like a total piece of you know what....which i am because of this whole thing. Hubby is out at a meeting and im scared for when he comes home. He got the msg right before he left. I know it was a mistake to not tell him. Im just a mess.

Don't warn the enemy!!!! File the RO with the police. This OM nut does not deserve to be warned. He does not appreciate nor does he really care about you. Otherwise he would willingly step aside.

Based on the above, he sounds like an obcessive and hurtful person. One you need to take great precaution on. The police will not take kindly to you downplaying their advice. If you expect their help, you'd better pay attention to their advise. Then your H can stand beside you and provide needed support.

L.

I am new here, and don't know your whole story, but want to agree with Orchid and say that if you feel you are in physical danger from the OM (or anyone else) then by all means work with the police and get the RO. Also, from everything I have read and from my experience as a BS, I think that the no contact letter, specifying you will not contact him again or respond to any of his attempts (should he not honor your request), is crucial. Were I the BS (your husband), I would have appreciated your telling me that you received a letter and, in fact, I would have appreciated it even more had you brought it home and destroyed it in front of me (or let me do it). This is what my husband and I have agreed to do if the OW tries to contact him. If you have any more secrets, the sooner they are revealed to H, the better.

Harrassment and abuse from anyone is not only scary, but can be dangerous--so above all, do what you need to do to protect yourself.

Sorry things are so difficult for you now.

Thank you both for your suggestions. Im afraid of my shadow nowadays. And I understand now about telling my husband everything. I really appreciated the advice from a BS's point of view. I need to step out of this fear and into the love my DH is willing to give me.
Thank you again.