So it happens... I was chatting with my best friend-adoptive net mom, and this user name flashes across my screen, a user name I hadn't seen in more than 3 years... the user name of the guy I dumped to be with xWH.

I looked at it and froze, I have never seen this man online, at all, not even when we were dating.

I tried to ignore it, but I wanted to know how he was doing, I mean... I broke his heart, he stopped e-mailing me for months and months untill one day he could stop feeling sad and wrote a letter expressing how sad he was and how he wanted to remain friends. We tried, but it was too painful to him I guess, because his e-mails stopped. Last time I heard of him he was moving away from his city and he wouldn't be getting online as much anymore due to work.

I didn't think much of it and I didn't renew contact, was too busy trying to decide if cutting my veins or letting them long.

Finally I decided to send a little message: "Guy?"
No response. I am disappointed and glad he didn't respond. Dissapointed because I feel he is still hurt for what happened years ago, glad because I felt stupid the moment I sent the message, stupid and cruel, don't know very well why.

I am just... retarded! Mad at myself now, gonna tell hubby, he is not gonna like it, but oh well, I screwed up so I better make amends.

I need a hug. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

GOD BLESS YOU!!!

You are so protective of your XWH. Very admirable. Not too big of a mistake.

(((((HUGS)))))

(((((HUGS!!))))

Alostwife - you are so inspiring! I am going through the same feelings right now!

I am so tormented by wanting to see my ex again before we say goodbye for good. I know what that feeling is like to "just see what's going on with him!" Good for you for realizing what you could have created.

I wish I had that strength right now. I can't let go of this whole mess.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

chameleon,

(((hugs back)))

Thanks so much for the hug. My H just said that if he was that guy he'd feel too heartbroken for the rest of his life to allow himself even think of my name. He hugged me and said he appreciated my sincerity, so I guess it worked allright.

J-Bird,

I know I just KNOW you have the strength in you!!! You love your husband and I know you can stand up and go on with your life. Please J-Bird, you have to believe you are strong for it to be true.

((((hugs))))