J-Bird,
sorry I was busy cooking dinner, etc etc.
Don't panic! Right now you are feeling guilty, and sad, guilty because of talking to Chad because it had 2 consequences, 1) you gave him hopes on something that is not even near to be meant to be, and 2) you feel bad that you could even think of it when you love your H.
You are short on your responses, that is not good, but perfectly normal. You are ashamed, lonely, and sad. You wish you could tell your H, and feel resentment because he is not home to hold you and kiss you and tell you everything will be alright.
Like you said, it is not his fault. You are human, you are scared, lonely and you have your weak moments. Believe me when I tell you that every one of us has felt like that sometime.
J-Bird, your husband is your support, he is your hero, your knight in shinning armor. If there is anybody on this world that can help you, that person is Eric. Next time he calls tell him in detail what you did during your day, ask him sweet nothings "Did you miss me? You know I missed you?".
Right now you are home alone, right now you are holding the home front. If he was home he'd have to hold the front too, and go on untill you came back.
You need to tell him that you are missing him, that you need him, and set record straight when he comes home. Make sure to tell him ASAP, don't wait untill he has to leave. You need time to talk, hold each other, be together and figure things out.
J-Bird, be strong, go out with friends, enjoy, post here or send me an e-mail (iridiscentneko@netscape.net), you had a slip, you didn't fall, you stepped back and walked around the hole. That doesn't mean you are home safe, you never are, but it doesn't hurt to have somebody to hold your hand sometimes, and that someone is your husband.
Sometimes our maturity just goes off the door in a exhale and then comes back in a sigh. It is our duty to learn when to restrain and when to unwind.
Don't beat yourself too much over the head with this. You did what you did, you stopped what the disaster from happening, now it is time to go to your husband's side and rest on his arms.
If he needs any further help he can come here, you two should fill the Emotional Needs questionaire together, read the materials to affair proof your marriage. Believe me, once that is done things will look clearer and much better than they do now.
I am proud of you J-Bird, keep up the good work!
