Ok, last night DH and I had a bit of a tiff. We were watching "Meet the Folks" on TV and he had made a comment the women are easy. He said they are predictable and all you have to do is say a few right things and they are on cloud 9. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> So, I got kind of quiet and when he asked me about it I told him that what he said bothered me. I said that's like saying give a guy a blonde with big tits and he'll drool. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Ok, that tiff was over. Then when we were laying in bed he asked if he had to stay around for my sisters wedding shower (it's at my house). I asked where he'd go. He said he didn't know. Well, that bothered me some because I would have to draw a map of what I was doing (exaggeration). Then he mentioned taking DS to the zoo. I said fine and was going to go to sleep. He asked what was wrong and I said nothing. He said, ok if you don't want to talk about it now that's fine. Then he said "I'll take care of DS at the wedding too." I got ticked off and said what makes you think I would be so bothered to help look after him at the wedding. What else would I want to do there? I'd want to be with my family. He said, well she did things at your wedding. I said yeah and she was my maid-of-honor, I'm nothing in hers so she can get a friend to do it for her. I'd rather be with my husband and son.

I then went on to say that I was bothered at the fact that he'll take DS to the zoo but won't ever go as a family. He said I've never said anything about it. I told him I have a couple of times and he blew it off come the weekend. He said I should have pursued it. I said I didn't want to because I didn't want to have him doing something to make me happy not because he wanted to. He then said, Oh here we go again with you being afraid to talk to me about things. This petty crap went on for a couple of minutes and I chimed in with "let's just get to the bottom of it - If I hadn't had my head up my @$$ running around with OM then we wouldn't have half the problems we do!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> We went to sleep after that.

I cuddled up to him in bed, and he let me, but we never talked anymore about it. This morning I felt awful! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> I told him I was sorry tons of times. He said it was fine, not to worry, etc. I asked if we were ok, and he said yes. I just talked to him a little bit ago and he is aggitated about last night. I knew it couldn't be that clean cut and let go. What I don't get is when I don't let things go he does in no time, and I'm wrong for not. However, when I apologize, admit I said some mean things and was sorry, try to move on he holds on to it. Now what?!?

Then, last week I said I'd like for us to go to one of my nephews baseball games before his season is over. I asked about going tonight. Well, he wants to take separate vehicles so he can leave if he doesn't want to stay the whole game. I asked why and he said 'cause he doesn't want to sit and watch a kids game. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> I don't get it. My nephew loves when we come. It won't kill him, and it's not like they are boring (14 yr. olds playing hard ball).

So, that's me today. I'm down, bummed, sad, want to cry, and wish I could just erase last night. Is there anyone who can offer something, anything, to chear me up a bit, or help me help hubby through his lingering feelings about last night? Thanks for reading this.

After getting that off my shoulders to all of you, I sent the following e-mail to DH:

"Hey love. You know, you have never expected me to be perfect, and that's a good thing because I'm far from it.

I know I was wrong last night. I should have simply talked to you but I got upset. I got upset with your comment about women being easy. It sort of made me feel really low. I know I lashed out at you with the head up my [censored] thing, and I am so sorry for that. I just felt like I was being distanced from you and DS. It was like, we are upset so let me make life fun for you - enjoy the wedding I'll worry about DS. DH, that's not fun for me. That makes me feel isolated. I'm sure you didn't mean for me to feel that way, and I should have talked to you, but I just didn't really know how to put my feelings into words. This weekend when we were all together, and when we were walking and put our arms around eachother and kissed - that's fun to me.

DH, I am where I want to be, and that is with you. You don't have to shoot fire out of your [censored] to make life interesting for me, just be you. I know that's hard to see because you feel like you were never good enough, but you always were, it was me that wasn't. Now, I just hope I am.

I guess that's all. I am so sorry. I know I promised I wouldn't get like that, I won't. I'm sorry! I miss you and love you. Oh, how I wish I could just hold you. Thanks for reading this, and I'm sorry it got sort of long. I love you."

DH then replied with a simple "love you!" Made me feel good. I guess sometimes it's just easier to put things on paper.

Anyhow, sorry I am so long winded today, but thanks for reading.

Fights happen! It sounds like you got it all figured out already! I think you're doing better than you realize!!

Realize that your communication issues were there BEFORE, and YES, will still be there now. It's not ALL about the A...although that's automatically where the focus tends to go.

Thanks Hope - so good to hear from you. Sometimes it really helps to hear I'm doing well from someone else. Thanks again.

Hi Tutter,
I just want to say that I agree with H4F.

I HATE fighting with my H. And our fights are pretty minor and NEVER about the affair. But I am more sensitive right now. And I don't like him being angry with me even though it never has anything to do with the affair.

I think we are both hyper sensitive right now. And we are both super vigilant about keeping the peace and harmony. Any type of anger or tension is felt 10 fold.

Your not alone,
1step

Thanks 1step. It helps to hear from others. I appreciate you taking the time to share with me.

My H woke me up at 1:00am because he was having an anxiety attack about the A. It hasn't happened in a while. He felt bad after, because he knew I was tired, and had to be at work early. I told him I would rather him talk to me, and let me help him thru it than to sit and let it fester all night, causing him distress. I told him I know I am the cause of his anxiety, and if he needs to talk to me, no matter what time of day, I am going to listen.

I so relate to what you are going thru... hang in there hun.

Thanks finding. I guess I just really needed to get it out and clear my head. It's so good to have all of you to listen to me and to take the time to respond. Thank you for sharing your experience with me.