I don't think I can handle this!! Every time my WH and I have a good night/day I get to work, have a thought and everything falls back to December when it all started. Will I EVER get over this?

The lies, the cover ups...he tried it all and got busted so many times. Too many times! Why am I still here? I feel like such a fool!! All I am showing him is that I am strong when it comes to everything else but him. How can I teach my kids not to take any mess as they grow to be young adults and here I am....taking and swallowing all he has done to me and brought to my life and I smile and allow him to do it over and over.

He says it has ended...he says it was never physical....he said she mistook his friendship and got jealous as he started coming back to me. Then why did he send roses...why plan a trip for her birthday and spend the night in a fancy hotel? Why lie to me about phone calls he made to her AFTER counseling and praying at night...hand in hand....vowing he will never hurt me again and he did. In February....In March....In April....has it really ended or has he finally learned how to cover his *ss a little better?

Here I am...making love to him...trying to meet all his needs, while I feel lost and empty! Look at what he did to me!!! I need help but I dont see a positive future in this. I can't stop throwing LB's and I know I will push him back to her or away from me. I hope he understands my pain, but I think he is too weak to deal with it.

Sorry, I am just rambling...I guess I needed to talk. WHAT DO I DO!!! PLEASE HELP

I'm so sorry for your pain.

I always say this prayer: Lord reveal anything in my marriage that needs to be revealed and give me peace if there is nothing. That takes your trust off your H and puts it on the Lord.

This comment:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">. I can't stop throwing LB's and I know I will push him back to her or away from me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He is responsible for his own actions. You can't push him back to her - if he chooses her thats one thing but there is NOTHING you can do to make him go that way.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I get to work, have a thought and everything falls back to December </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You are in control of your thoughts. Allow yourself 30 minutes a week to greive over the A. Like every Fri from 12:00 - 12:30. Then when thoughts come up during the week - remind yourself it is not time yet.

Are you two in counseling? that will help too.

I'm sorry you are here and hurting.

Leti,

Boy do I hear you. I don't have any answers because I am in the same position as you. My world has turned into what I've been calling a web of paradoxes. See this thread if you want to understand more about what I mean with that.

Web of Paradoxes....

I too got lie after lie for 4 years. I honestly can't believe how stupid I was. And what lead to D-day in May was finding a receipt for some perfume he bought her. He's NEVER bought me perfume or anything like that. During the beginning of the A 4 years ago, he had me selling all our personal possessions (furniture, valued possessions, you name it) to get cash to be able to pay rent and while I was doing that he was taking her to expensive hotels that cost $700 US$ per weekend!!!

I feel your pain so very much and hope with all my heart that you find at least some peace of mind soon.

This is so hard for me. I sit at work and cry while I read these threads and think what a messy world we live in. How can people just do this to other people?? We aren't animals, jumping from one female or male to the next....we are human beings...supposed to have gotten married because we were all the other needed..Now THIS!!

Are there any success stories?? Or is it just a lot of years of misery until the BS decides to let go of the pain and try to make the most out of whats left. I wanted and expected more than this when I got married and now I am left trying to just make sense out of whats left. How is that fair? Here he goes, has a great time at my expense, denies it all, comes back home and just picks up where he left off. Does he or she have any idea of all that was caused. Is there any justice for me?? I always imagine how happy she must be knowing all the pain she has caused and now has just gone on with her life (filled with memories with MY husband)....and him....how can he sleep? How can he ever tell our children to treat people kindly or give advice to our girls?

I just wish there was something positive out there...not just keep trying or keep the faith. I have tried all of that but I see there is no fix. Our marriage will only last if I choose to sweep it all under the rug and close my eyes and brace for that next slap in the face or I will choose to let go of my best friend...a man who once was so handsome to me, just his touch sent chills through me....now when he touches me I can't help but be overwhelmed by feelings of him touching another. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I'm so sorry your hurting so bad. Your feelings are real and you have to grieve through it all. BUT it can get better.

I am a success story. My marriage is in recovery BUT my marriage does NOT determine my success in life.

Walking with Jesus has helped. AntiD's have helped. Counseling for myself and for our marriage has helped. But really it takes time and hard work to get through it. There really is no easy way out. IF you divorce you still have to work through the pain so you might as well try working through it with him.

Do NOT sweep it under the rug, do NOT close your eyes, do NOT wait for the next slap in the face. Read "Love must be tough" by James Dobson. Hold your H accountable - ask for exactly what you want in your marriage and if he is unwilling to do the work to fix what he broke then be strong enough to walk away. Get to a place where you can be satisfied and fulfilled in life with or without him.

Try and think in terms of 6 weeks - for 6 weeks I will be committed to my marriage. Then when that time is up either committ to 6 more weeks or walk away. Time will heal you with or without your H. Reading and studying and praying how to get through this will also heal you with or without your H.

Life is unfair sometimes but the Lord promises it is only for a season. I think well our marriage sucked for 6 years or possibly even the 12 years we were together. BUT if it is followed by 60 more good years what does it really matter. We are in recovery BUT the only way it is possible is if ALL 3 of these are present:

1. Prayer
2. Your ability to display Tough Love
3. Your H willingness to change

Without 1 of the 3 it won't work.

Here darling. Have a kleenex. Shake it off. Lift that head. Throw those shoulders back. And release yourself from the prison that you've put yourself in. YOU ARE NOT HELPLESS!! And your marriage is not hopeless. Especially if he's willing to work at it.

I mainly want to comment on one thing you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I always imagine how happy she must be knowing all the pain she has caused and now has just gone on with her life (filled with memories with MY husband). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I used to think this way to until I visited a website where OP get together to discuss pain, grief, strategy etc ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> yes there is such a place, people are sick!) Anyway, one OW was near tears because her married boyfriend was spending the weekend with his family instead of with her. Oh boohoo! So don't think her part was without its kinks. She was miserable every minute he spent with you!!

Thanks JAMUP and LuvNPROTECTME. Today I can say I am having a much better day...even though a strange number from her part of town was on my cell phone...I will shrug it off and wait to see if hopefully it was just a wrong number and not another revealing conversation headed my way.

I have decided to take your advice and move toward only setting aside 30 minutes a week to grieve, ask questions, vent and whatever else comes along. I think that is an excellent idea. My husband and I read through a few of these threads (including mine) and talked before bed. I cried when I talked (as always) but he says he feels my pain and talked about how he can still see my face when he would come and go to pick up the baby. He began to cry saying over and over he could see my face. WOW...of course I cried too as we held eachother, but just knowing....knowing that he too feels pain for what has happened to us means so much to me.

I know he loves me, and I know he is trying...of course I question what he is still hiding but like you said...it is in God's hands and I must trust in him. Thanks so much for your encouraging words and for being a success story I can look forward to one day being.

As for HER being miserable....I know, I know. I tell myself all the time I know she suffered too, but then again, someone who does that...well, do they even really have feelings? Who cares, right. He is with me and he has told me of the tantrums and crying she did upon the slow deterioration of their friendship....guess there is some justice in all this...maybe at least a little.

Hello leti,

I am glad you are having a better day today, I have not been at work this week, so I have not been on the computer, believe me when I say I have been exactly where you are(more than once) and it will get better, although I still have my bad days(you know) it has gotten better. We just have to lean on each other for support and words of wisdom and we will all get better!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

You sound good today Leti! I'm glad your H is willing to work through this with you.