Story continued....<P>When I sent the pics back to OW I had also included a copy of the bill for a new computer that my H had bought and sent to the OW, telling me that she was going to pay him back. (I have mentioned this story in another post somewhere.) she called me to let me know the computer was supposed to be a good-bye present from my H to her!!!!<BR>That was the main reason she called. In the course of the conversation she laughed off the pics telling me that he just loved to take pictures, but she had told him many times to get rid of them. She said she did not know he was taking the naked ones, but had to admit she knew of the ones of them together (naked) in the mirror. I had not sent those to her, but she knows I had (have?) them so she really was trying to find out if I was going to send them to her H!!! hehehe<BR>Leave her wondering.<BR>She told me she did not want to see or hear from my H anymore, that he was too much trouble, and that it sounded like we were forging a new, better relationship. That she was happy for us!!<P><BR>Two or three phone calls later, she agreed to pay me for Half of the computer, which she did. We have not communicated with her since and I have not spilled the beans to her H.<P>I don't have time now to say more, but plan to continue later with some other reactions I have had as a result of the picture incident.<P>

Good for you for sending her the bill! I can't believe she actually paid for half. Do you think she was trying to pay you to not tell her H?!?!<P>At least after your conversations with OW you could be sure that contact between her and your H was over. For me, the OW is single so there is no threat of telling her H about the affair. Although I do have the address of her family... <BR>

Have a little time to share some ideas with those of you who are in the withdrawal or recovery stages, with partners who have expressed a willingness to "save" the marriage. Some of these ideas may even work for those of you who are still with you SO even if he/she is still seeing the OP.<P>When I discovered the picture collection of the OW it really irritated me the my H had more pictures of her and of them together after two years, than we had of us after 17 years. I went to our photo albums and managed to find 6 or seven pictures of me with my H and maybe 5 of just me in which I did not look like a complete dork. The OW had "posed" for the pictures she had given him even tho they were not professionally photographed. Chest out, stomach sucked in, make-up perfect, BIG smile! You get the idea.<BR>Having recently finished reading Ellen Friedman's book "The Ten Second Kiss" I decided to rectify the picture problem with some of her ideas. I have a digital camera, so some of the pictures I had in mind could be taken and played with on the computer, although the quality is sometimes not as good. I made a trip out of town to a Fredrick's of Hollywood type store and spent some of my husbands money on some pretty frisky outfits and even a wig or two. If it is exotic he wants, it is exotic he gets! (Think of Brian Adams's song, "Truly, Madly, Deeply)<P>Over the course of the two months that I was waiting for H to do the "right" thing with his picture collection of the OW, I began making pictures. I had a couple of friends happy to help out and it was a lot of fun. When H was gone on trips I got on the puter, smudged imperfections, added interesting backgrounds and comments. As time progressed I began giving some of the pictures to him with "respect" letters (an idea I got out of a religious phamplet) love letters and cards. I also, have put some slightly pornographic stories for him to read when he is away from home, in which I am the star! Some of you probably really frown on these ideas. My sister and mother both did, and there was no amount of discussion that could make them see my point. (My sister, however, did change her thinking somewhat when she saw how affectionate my H and I were beginning to behave toward each other).<P>In the process of making my H his new picture collection, my self esteem gradually increased. I am not drop dead gorgeous or perfect by a long shot, but I realized that a large part of my attractiveness is in my attitude. Most of the pictures, while somewhat provocative, were mostly playful, with a tongue in cheek kind of attitude toward the notion that physical attractivness, sexy clothes and poses are primary for a happy life. ANYBODY, and I sincerely mean that, anybody can play the seductress or vamp, or, in the case of a man, a giggilo, rugged cowboy, biker. etc.<BR> I went to get some ideas at a store that specialized in sexy stuff for the plus size woman. I saw some pictures there that showed some pretty large, yet confident women, having a lot of fun with their physical attributes. The proprietress of the store assured me that the husbands of these women were very appreciative of their wives efforts.<P>With some of the pictures, I have made my H a calendar. When the opportunity presents itself, or I contrive the circumstances to be appropriate, I wear one of the outfits and play the part. My H gets right into character, no problem, and plays with me. Then later I give him the picture to put in his collection. Now, the packet of pictures in his flight bag are of me and when he is in a hotel room in some foreign country or state, he thinks of and remembers me and what he would lose if he screws up again! <BR>(A side note....if things had not worked out between us, I would, at the least, have a nice portfolio to use as bait for a new mate. hehehe )<P>Now, for those of you whose H's don't travel much. This idea can still be implimented. The relationship with the OP was partially exciting because of the secrecy. If you provide for your H a collection of "fun" pictures there will certainly be an element of secrecy shared between you. I have made sure that none of the pics I gave my H would be too embarrassing for him to show others, but I think he will not because that would negate some of the element of "specialness" in the efforts I have made for him. I have given him pictures also of me in regular work clothes too, but in all of them I made sure my makeup and hair looked good and that I was smiling! <BR>Also, now, when we go places together, I take a camera and ask other people to take our picture together. What use are pictures of beautiful mountains or historical markers if the two people sharing the moment are not included in the memory? <BR>Look through your albums. Mostly pictures of the kids, right? And those pictures are very important, but if it had not been for the primary relationship of you and your spouse, those kids would not have existed. And down the road, when the kids are gone on their own, the primary relationship is the true treasure. Don't lose sight of that and relegate yourselves to the back burner. I read somewhere that the best present a man can give his kids is to love their mother, and the best present a woman can give her kids is to love their dad. Let that love (and pride) show in your photo albums as much as your love and pride for your kids shows.<P>Well, I'll get off my soapbox now. Thank you for your kind attention, and or course, comments welcome.

Pilot's Wife,<BR>I really have to agree with you on the value of pictures. After my H and I made the decision to work on our marriage, I had some new pictures made of us. It had been many years since we were photographed together, especially not anything that could be framed. I had a friend come over, a very talented friend, to take some rather casual pictures of us.,,,,just him & me hugging, kissing, gazing at one another. She also took a few rather risque (risque for me, since I'm really camera-shy) pictures of me. We took 50 million (ok,,a few less ) in the hopes that a few might turn out good. And did they ever!! I had them made into 5x7's and framed and hung them around our home. Now, no matter which room you're in,,there's pictures of us, smiling, enjoying each other's company. This was a great help for us and continues to be. When those old painful reminders set in, when those triggers arise, threatening the happiness we've worked so hard for,,, ,just to look around and see our smiling faces, together, reminds me of our goals, our plans, and our future together. You're on the right track, Pilot's Wife. Keep it up!!!!