Last Tuesday my husband came in at 7:00 A.M. He had come in at 4 A.M. the previous Sunday. He had called and told me he would be late and that he was at a friend's house, but he lead me to believe it would be like 1 or 2 not 7:00 A.M. When I was upset about this, he responded by saying that he loves me, but he isn't sure it is true love and that he is disenchanted and wants to be by himself. I was devasted. Over the next few days I tried to work things out with him. I tried to get him to explain why he feels this way. Well, he responded with anger and silence. Friday while he was at work, I found a note to him on paper from work. It said "I got a new bra from Victoria Secrets. About what you said, too bad we didn't meet before you got married, who knows what could have happened." I was furious. I confronted him and he said it was a girl that no longer works there and he didn't write back or anything. Then the next day I find a note in my car which he rarely drives and had just driven a few days before. I confronted him again and he said it was someone that still works there, but once again it was nothing. So I confronted the girl, she backed up his story. I had found a number in his wallet a few days before this and went I wanted to call it, after some lying, he finally admitted it was her number and that he had only called her once to check on her after she drank too much at the party he was at that Tuesday. All this time, I was still trying to trust and work things out yet I was still meet with anger and silence from him. Monday, I finally said look if you want to go then go. Come back when you are ready to work at this. Monday night, I found a note to her from him with a reply from her. He told her in this note that "he was sorry for being an [censored] and that he just wanted her attention and that the feelings he has for her are hard to express even on paper." She accepted his apology on the note and asked him to say more about how she feels. I confronted him about this Monday and finally he was contrite. He said he loves me and that me telling him to leave was a wake-up call and that this is over. The last 48 hours since then has been great. But yet I wonder what I can do to ensure that I am doing the right thing and his relationship with her is over. He said that they never had any physical contact, and she said she has a live-in boyfriend. Any ideas?

Daila:

I am sorry to hear of what you are going thru. You are lucky in the fact that your H wants to work on your marraige and that he still loves you.

I would advice for you and your H to definately take the EN questionairre. From what you wrote I am assuming that attention will be one of your H's top EN's.

I will be praying for you in your recovery.

• 
  Married 13 years
  2 D's 10 & 9
  D-Day 9/00
  H had EA with co-worker
  In recovery
  

Dalia,

I just read your post, I would suggest that you read all on this website as possible, I have been thru the affairs, and my H would stay out all night and me like a fool took all of this, just ingnoring all of his actions. Just be careful and listen to your feelings. I have been thru it all!

Daila,

I am a young wife who is just coming out of a situation that was almost a full-blown emotional affair (EA). I met an old boyfriend one night when I was out and we exchanged e-mails. It started innocently as a friendly "Hi, how are ya" but took off QUICKLY from there. Luckily I was able to stop this thing before it became too dangerous. The thing is, I know what your H is going through, although my reasons for dabbling in the "forbidden" are probably different from his, as would be anyone's.

My husband is away for the summer and I only get to see him on the weekends. This lends itself to a very lonely and distractable wife. Perhaps there is a quality of loneliness in your marriage that is yet to be discovered and worked through. Just a thought. I definitely agree with flaca about taking the EN qustionnare - it will show you volumes about yourself and about your hubby.

Believe me when I say that your husband is feeling terrified about what he's gotten himself into. He may act cocky or give you silence and anger, but that is just FEAR manifesting itself.

You are doing the right thing by sticking around. He obviously loves you if one threat smacked him in the face. Educate yourself with this website and learn the process of withdrawal and the steps. Even though they may not have touched bodies, they have touched hearts and there is a reason why that happened.

Be strong!!!! It's heartbreaking and confusing, but if you are clear and strong and loving, you will conquer this!! Good luck to you and your H!

((((HUGS)))

J-Bird

Bumpity bump bump