From Sybil Evans, 'Coach Sybil'

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Do you want to know one of the causes of relationship
discord? Couples NOT Listening to each other.

Why don’t we listen? We’re just so darn busy; we’re
juggling so many balls in the air. We may actually
hear only half of what has been told to us. We really can’t
afford NOT to listen.

Here are four things we should do:

1. LISTEN WITHOUT JUDGMENT

We have to drop our pre-conceived notions about what we
would do if we were in the same situation as the speaker
and listen in a totally neutral and open way. We need
to put a stop to our 'self-talk' -- making judgments
about the other’s opinions or observations.

2. LISTEN BEHIND THE WORDS TO THE FEELINGS

Your partner comes home full of excitement because
he made a big sale and tells you the story. Respond:
'You must be so proud of your accomplishment.'
He didn’t use the word 'proud' but you know he
experienced it. By stating the emotion, you are
accentuating the positive and sending the message
that you really heard him.

3. GIVE THE OTHER PERSON YOUR FULL ATTENTION

Doesn’t it drive you nuts when you are talking to someone
who is doing something else - -browsing through the
newspaper or keeping one eye peeled to the TV? Be
totally alert to your partner’s comments. Your partner
will know that he/she is appreciated and understood
Haven’t you ever heard some famous people described
as great listeners? That’s because they give full
attention to the person that they are listening to and
make that person feel important and unique. You can
do that too.

4. LISTEN WITH PATIENCE

Your partner comes home and tells that same old story
about his/her boss. You’ve heard it a thousand times.
Don’t say you haven’t done it yourself. Have
patience. Keep listening. You’ll find something new,
by asking good questions -- 'How did the situation
affect you?' or 'What do you think you can do to deal
with… ?' It may encourage him/her to see things in a
new light.

When you do all of the above, you’ll be listening with your
eyes, your ears and your heart.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">

<small>[ July 24, 2002, 04:40 PM: Message edited by: Spacecase ]</small>

hmmmmm......

I'm usually a pretty good listener, unless I'm annoyed with the person before they even start talking. In that case I am lousy at #1 and no too great at #4 (I tune it out).

The thing I hate most is when someone interrupts me or thinks they already know what I am going to say before I even complete a sentence.

#3 is the one I need most from H.

He really hurt my feelings once by telling me with a look of contempt that I "talk and talk and talk and don't say much of anything. I talk pretty much like I post. Is that really how I come across?

Anyway, thanks for this thread, as I need to pay attention to MY behaviors.

replaced