I am just spending another night awake and can't sleep. Were thinking about the stuff and for some reason started thinking about my, as a BS, drunken fit shouting matches with my wife, WS.

Are they abusive? I guess I wonder, they have basically stopped since christmas, but I can't forget getting drunk off my [censored] and yelling from midnight into the weeh morning hours when I finally collapsed..

I always waked up feeling horrible, but then something more always triggered them again. My WS also became good at triggering them by herself with more lies though.

I have in the last 2 years lost my wife once, we lost a son, and a dog, only the son was a natural death, so I can deal with that, except for the part where she told the OM that he was the father.

What do ppl think? Were my falling downs abusive or not? Can't help thinking about it tonight for some reason. I am just glad that this year, there have only been 2 incidents so far, and the last one was back at end of jan. For some reason the anger went away and became more somber.

It all really scared me, because I have always been a happy drinker, if there is such a thing, but during those bad times, the alcohol just allowed me to shout out what I felt was inside, but in a bad way like a coward.. =o

Ok, back to trolling.. =}

Were you abusive? Yes. You lashed out in anger because of the pain she caused you. You had every right to be angry and every right to speak your feelings. But no right to be abusive. There are ways to communicate our pain without hurting the person we're talking to.

I too have been verbally abusive to my H. I didn't see it as being verbally abusive at the time I was doing it. I felt justified for my words, he hurt me, hurt our marriage and I felt I had every right to lash out. The fact that my H caused me pain due to his A, it didn't give me the right to be verbally abusive. I felt horrible about it afterwards and regretted the words that fell off my lips.

Would you have been that way had you not been drunk? If not, you can't blame it on the drinking but the drinks sure made it easier for you to act that way. It clouded your mind and your rational reasoning didn't kick it. If you apologized for your actions then you shouldn't feel bad about it now. If you never apologized, it's not to late to do so now.

Sorry your having a rough night.

Yes, your lashing out was abusive. But, as long as you're under control now, then you shouldn't keep worrying about it. Make sure she knows you're sorry for the episodes, and how about...no alcohol. Alcohol has ruined many lives, and it continues to do so daily.

Keep your chin up and your head on straight.