It may be a bit modified for kids stuff... but no more nice from me... it is not working. I will start workingo n my letter.

H

Honey,

I feel the same way you do. ((((HUGS)))).

I don't know if you have read any of my posts lately but I am trying to implement a pre-Plan B. I am just not ready to give that letter, I guess. I have been told that what I am doing may be manipulatingk but I feel like I will be more manipulating to write the letter (this is just me, I guess). I am trying to distance myself from WH, you may get a laugh at my post "I accidently called WH"!

I have written many Plan B letters, but have kept them. If you are going to write that letter, I would suggest you do the same for awhile. Post it here for others review, keep it tucked away for a few days, and reread it. I think sometimes this letter can be written under way too many emotions. When you reread it and it feels comfortable to you, then I think that it does express your feelings, and is ready to be given to WH, JMHO.

I have seen alot of examples on here, I know that KK002 had put one up here for review, I am not sure if the final one is posted up here or not.

In one of your posts to me, you gave me your email address, I have set up one just specifically for MB, kind of a privacy thing too, I guess. Email me if you want

mb_going_crazy@hotmail.com

Hang in there, okay????????

Good for you, Honey...

Sounds like you're going to really stick to your guns on this one... right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Yeah, I think you've fought the "good fight" for a long, long time now. I think you'll find Plan B a welcome relief...

Look forward to seeing your Plan B letter draft!

Honey - Good for you - but now you have to stick to it and I know that is hard - But like J.R. said you actually might find relief in not worrying about him or the marriage 24/7 - Good Luck

thanks, I know I will be slow to draft, but I am sick.... I am going to do the pre plan b for a while.... I know my h, and I know only when he has lost me will he begin to notice. Sick of this game.

H

Have you read the "Divorce Remedy" by Michelle Weiner-Davis", it's called the Last Resort Technique. She then calls what we call Plan B, the After the Last Resort Technique.

I think that she and MB share alot of the same principles, concentrating on working on yourself and how you can improve yourself. Also, how to concentrate not solely on the affair itself, but the reasons why the affair happened. If these underlying issues are not resolved first, an affair can happen again.

I would go ahead and write a Plan B letter for yourself, even if you don't give it to him. I think just getting your feelings out on paper really helps and can make you stronger. I really wish that I would have started journaling from Day 1. A close friend of mine keeps telling me that it could have turned into a book one day!!

Hang in there Honey.

I think you will find renewed strength in Plan B. You will feel more in control of your life. You will have peace because he won't be in it as much. Writing a Plan B letter is healing in itself. Take your time. Write it and sit on it for a while, revise it. But once you give it...stick to it. It will be hard but it beats the alternative (putting up with his abuse!)

Keep posting. We're here for you. You don't have to go through this alone.

Ok, so my plan b will be gradual... I plan to hold onto the letter for a while... about to write one here at the office... I am so mad! maybe that is good to get mad! starting to think we should all, me and kids.,.. stay away from this monster for a while! agghh! he makes me want to vomit!

I have the DB Book and read it a while back, and tried some of it... I am working on me fercociously... I am ANGRY over lack of fin. support.. and need to do something about this crap... have to save for retainer... !

AGGH!

hugs, H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
honey

Honey I would think that you would be able to go to the court yourself or some sort of family services department and get a child support order without a lawyer - there has got to be a way - alot of people get divorced without lawyers... Question - are you really angry ?? or are you still just so hurt that you cannot find anger?? I still haven't been able to find anger but I know that I am hurt - but I feel sorry for him that he is throwing everthing away and I guess in some wierd way I am worried about him - but I know that I need to only care about me and my kids - Maybe you will find if you start your Plan B you might realize that hey maybe I really don't want him back after all - Maybe you will see that you deserve better..

hey I will make a call right now about temp orders for moeny to the courthouse and see what they say. H thanks, starting to write plan b letter and it turned into an anger vent... maybe I am too mad to write it right now! Thanks, h

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>Ok, so my plan b will be gradual... I plan to hold onto the letter for a while... about to write one here at the office... I am so mad! maybe that is good to get mad </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have a really good book at home, can't remember the name off the top of my head, I'll post it on here later. The author says something to the effect that he would rather see BS angry than feeling sorry for yourself. You have emotions, and it is taking a toll on you. Just remember, it is when we have these type of emotions that we do the stupidist things!! Of course you can be angry, it's natural, just don't act on those feelings!! I do agree that you need to get some type of financial support agreement, but this needs to be talked about rationally, could prove itself better in the long run.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Honey:
<strong>I have the DB Book and read it a while back, and tried some of it... I am working on me fercociously</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have both, and I really think she did a better job on "Divorce Remedy".
Good for you, that's all we can do, work on ourselves, to improve ourselves, for ourselves. I remember your post a couple of weeks ago, you cannot change your WH, BUT you can change yourself to be the best person you can be. The effects on your changes will trinkle down to everyone involved in your life, your husband, children, etc.

Have you checked out the local library or Discount Bookstores?? I was so surprised, my library has all the Harley books and alot of the Christian based Marriage/Divorce Books. I have also been able to pick them up at half price bookstores.

hi going crazy, can I have your name? I have a diff. time not contacting my H, in fact my frequent fix it contact is a big issue for him! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I am so sick over all of this crap! I hate it! I hate it, I hate it! ok, can I just scream. I am getting sick to my stomach today, his am email was awful... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I know it was raw emotion filled anger, but still.... AGHH! I am tired of his tyraids and fits... sp?

I just ordered off amazon used 2 do it yourself in tx divorce books, maybe that will help.. I will start reading.

I think i have divorce remedy book too? I have sooo many books, will have to sell one day, hopefully soon, when this mess is OVER... or keep in my library.. who k nows?

Thanks for the encouragement.... when I back off it seems to work.

Thanks, H <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

send me an email, you never knows who's lurking out there <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

mb_going_crazy@hotmail.com

I know exactly what you mean with the personal bookstore!! I have so many of them, there's so many good ones out there. My problem is that I haven't sat down and read many of them straight through yet!!! I look up the chapters and read what is applicable, however I know that's not the best way!! Because I have found when I do read the whole thing, I discover so much more about myself that I had no clue I had issues about!!!

If someone was to walk in my house and look in my bedroom , on my nightstand, inside my nightstand, in my computer room, they would see relationship and self help books everwhere!!!!

Honey, have you ever heard of the Divorce Care program (www.divorcecare.com). I went to one as soon as WH left, it is awesome!! It's for the separated, divorcing, and divorced. I'll post a little later with more details
!!

Hi Honey! Just had to say, again, that I had a great time yesterday at lunch. Girlfriend, I think what you are doing is great - no one has the right to abuse you. Whatever you do, don't call him. Call me (gave you my numbers yesterday) if you need to talk to someone or have an overwhelming urge to call him - it doesn't matter the time of day or night. I am here for you.

Brit's Brat

Honey,
I will call you tonight after 9. I'm here for you, to talk anytime. Oh, and I want to hear about those divorce kits.
KK

Hi and thanks for the support.. waiting for my carpool to take me home... my Dad.. he got me this job after the infidelity.... anyway... I am so agravatted with this man... no calls thank goodness so far, please call me kk, thanks bb, I will call you too! thanks! H

Honey:

The name of the book is called "When the One You LOve Wants to Leave" by Donald R. Harvey. This author must have been in my mind this whole entire time, he knows exactly how I feel!!

Also, I really do think that it further explains Plan B (even though he does not call it that).