I have gotten a barrage of emails from WW this morning, hoo-boy!, there is a lot of anger coming out which seems to indicate she is ready to end our M, made a lot of comments about how she is moving on and it isn't about him, but because of me. She doesn't even seem to remember how good things were the last couple of weeks, guess the fog is still pretty thick. In a way, I'm glad she is venting like this, maybe she is finally getting things out in the open. I'll have to admit, she has shared a lot of her feelings in these emails and has said a lot about the condition of the A. If I read things correctly, she is even telling me some more about her needs and what I can do to meet them. I'm glad this is via email and not in person, not sure if I could handle this in a loving way

I replied that I love her and want us to remain together and work on the M, but if we are going to stand a chance, she has to break it off completely. I even mentioned that all the experts (Harleys, Davis, Dr. Phil, Dobson) agree that this is the only way it can happen.

I get the feeling that the email I sent OM's W really did something to cause this anger to come out. I'll bet her and OM had a tiff as well and W is directing her anger at me. I'm not going to initiate anything right now, I'll let W come to me if she wants. If she wants to talk, fine, but I'm standing by my guns on the no contact issue. My gut tells me something is happening, something big, I'll just have to stand by a see what develops.

Who knows, in my situation, the sky is the limit, isn't it?

loveherstill,

You are doing good ... sit back and watch. Don't expect anything but like you say you have some inside about how to plan A ... study her email.

-RH-

Sounds encouraging, hold on tight, look,listen and study, remember we have two ears to listen twice as much as our one mouth should speak in these situations.God bless your hopes and guide you.

loveherstill,

Hearing your story sure does bring back the feelings I had. I sat back and watched and listened while the A started winding down. My WW would tell me of the discussions they were in at the end. Found one of her final lovey dovy emails to him on her computer. Very sickning. Took the life out of me.

The hope in my heart would build as I saw the A coming to an end. Unfortunately, the A coming to an end was not the end of it all. Now I have to deal with living with a woman who is unsure of why she is staying with me. At times it seems she is trying, but only to have her real feelings come out later.

I say all this to remind you to guard your hope and your feelings here. Just because the A is over does not mean you two are successful couple again. You still have to get over all of the hard setiments and feelings she has developed over the course of the A (and you have developed) to deal with her guilt. The A will eventually end, with or without your intervention. Statistics are against the A and for the M. You need to save your strength for when the A is over. My guess is that it is nearly over, and she is like you said taking her wrath out on you. Do not take this with a grain of salt. Do not think that all of what she says is because of the "fog". What she is saying is truely how she feels and will be for quite some time even after the A. I think I used to discount what she said because people here said it was because of the fog she says this. Her feelings (or lack thereof) for you are real and what she is telling you is real.

You are doing such a great job with your Plan A. Keep up the good work.

loverherstill,

You are doing great so far. She has been knocked down of her pretty fence and she is furious!
She can say whatever she wants, let her have her tantrum, don't get involved on it.

You have had it, YOU are the one that is through. YOU are the one that needs respect now.

Thanx all for standing by me through this. I am definitely going to need my friends here at MB to help me through this one. I got another email form WW that was actually quite nice. She was very honest with me and did a good job explaining how she feels right now and what she wants to do to get through this time right now. Even though it didn't really include me in the picture, at least I am getting a better idea of where we stand, at least from her perspective. Things calmed down a lot after that.

Until…

Now WW wants me to let her assume the mortgage, basically sign it over so I have no more claim to it. That means I loose all the equity we have built in it. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> I told her I wont do anything until I consult with my attorney. Things went downhill quickly after that. WW then called me and tried to get me to agree to this again and when I stood firm on it, she let out with a barrage of insults and trash talk that I finally told her I was done talking for now and hung up. WOW! she is going from one extreme to the other in a moments notice. Thee is no way I'm going to sign or agree to anything anymore just because WW says so (I think that is what makes her so angry, that I have a backbone now). I've given up enough, it is all going to have to be approved by my attorney from now on.

I really feel in control of myself and the situation now, almost like the tables are turning and things are starting to go my way again. I guess doing the right thing really does pay off in the long run.

Good for you!

You are doing an awesome job!
Don't let her drag you in any discussions, don't sign up for anything at all untill you get feedback from your atty.

Definitely she is mad that she has no control over you anymore. She was fence sitting, cake eating, and you took the cake and fence away. She will swing between love and hate since she will be civil and normal when she wants to squeeze something out of you, manipulative, but oh well.

You need to stand just as you have so far. She needs to understand she did this to herself. She can be all the mad she wants towards you, but it all is misplaced anger. Once you remove yourself from the situation she won't be able to be mad at you anymore and she will have only herself or OM to b#tch around.

Don't let her use you as her punching bag.

Another update-

Since the big blow-out phone call, WW has called me 3 more times. The first time she apologized (and was very sincere) about laying into me. She said she is very afraid that she is going to lose the house and everything else. I reminded her that I still love her and would never do anything to hurt her or do anything to get revenge on her. I also told her that the kids need that place adn the stability it offers and I will never take that away from them. She then told me she is trying really hard to get herself together and make sense of all that has happened.

Second call was for no apparent reason but to tell me D2 is staying the night at a friends house. She then told me about how her evening was going and what her plans were for the weekend.

Third call was to tell me S lost a tooth and if I could call her in the morning to remind her to put a $ under his pillow. I told her I would and that was the end of that.

I am expecting a lot more of this hot and cold behavior from WW. I reread the last email she sent me when she really laid into me and hardly any of it is an accurate protayal of the last few weeks. Seems she was trying to rewrite history a little to fit her frame of mind.

I'm so glad I stayed the course on this and didnt give into her anger. It sure takes the wind out of thier sails when you dont react to thier anger with your own anger. I'm just gonna sit tight and see what happens, who knows.

Anyway, just thought I would let y'all know.

HI LHS,
Well it seems like the A is PMSing in the fog. So you can get them to LB without so much as no contact. It appears that the one bugging factor is that she can't seem to find the buttons to push you. Then when a bit of santity hits her, she realizes she is wrong and tries to apologize. Unfortunately it also sounds like it will happen again.

So if it does, what will you do the next time? Anything different?

L.

loveherstill,

WW will try anything to prolong her A ... addiction to A !. Having financial security probably one of her top EN ... so if she could get that one w/o you she definitly could continue her A ... when they talk in the fog like that stand firm. You are doing well my freind ... keep it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> and they know what they need to do to fix this messed ... it is their choice.

Keep it in mind ... do nothing ... do nothing to retaliate or to engange their fog, let them babled and sit tight. You might have to repeat your stand several hundered times ... WW will comes back w/ more "out of this world" one ... just sit tight ...

-RH-

O- If it happens again, I'll do the same thing, basically use solid MB principles and concepts to counter her irrational tirades. Also, I refuse to be bombarded with the vulgarity and name calling she used yesterday, as adults, we deserve to treat each other better than that. If any conversation with her goes south like it did yesterday, I'll just tell her that I don't deserve to be treated like this and until she can talk rationally, we don't have anything further to discuss. I know the more she talks like this, the more ridiculous it has to sound to her.

RH- good to hear from you, haven't seen too much of you lately. I have always admired WW's financial smarts and her ability to plan and be in control of her life. She always seemed to find a way to make things happen, even if everyone (including me) said it was impossible to do. But now, everything in her life has been turned upside down and she isn't in complete control as she would like to be. She also isn't in control of her finances like she used to be, heck, she is barely living above the poverty line as it is now, something we went through a long time ago and she vowed never to allow to happen to her again. The A didn't turn out like she expected either, and I believe that there is a lot of pressure from OM's W now to end their 'friendship' as well. So in a way, I can understand her anger and frustration, it is real to her. I don't think she is quite at the point where she can accept responsibility for the A, and since OM is too wonderful to blame, I guess I'm the only one left to direct her anger at. But, as long as I refuse to accept this, eventually she will have to realize who it is that holds the ultimate responsibility for this.

In one of her recent emails, she admitted that things were going very well in the last few weeks, that we were really starting to reconnect. Then she said that I screwed it up when I confronted her with the hotel receipt and accused her of still seeing him. She also said that the only reason that I was hanging around was for sex. Funny thing is that on the one occasion it did happen, she sure didn't tell me to stop, quite the opposite. I hope she sees all the contradictions in her arguments.

WW knows where I stand, she knows I still love her and am still committed to the M and that I want us to work things out. And, she also knows what needs to happen if any chance of recovery is to take place. I asked her to find one expert that says being friends with the OP after an A is acceptable if marriage recovery is too take place, wonder if she will find that person. I'm just going to let it ride right now, I'm not going anywhere, well see what this weekend brings…..

Stay tuned everyone, even 'The Osbornes" aint this good….

last night was my night with the kids and while I was waiting for them to get ready, WW kept trying to inititate conversations about how her job hunting was going and such. I kept avoiding getting too involved with the conversations and only offered very short replies. Then WW asked me if I would be willing to help her paint a room in the house since she cant reach some of ther areas to easily.

I just looked at her and said "WW, I am no longer going to put any more effort into this relationship, the events of the past week (all the hateful emails and phone calls) and these past 10 months have taken everything out of me, I have no more to give. You know that I still love you and am still committed to the M, but something has to change if we are going to stand a chance. I'll let you decide which way you want to go with this." The look on her face showed me she just doesnt get it yet, I think she believes since nothing physical is going on between them, every thing is supposed to be ok between us.

Maybe someday soon it will finally sink in, until then........