Well, this was a month of many anniversaries. One year after D-day, 13th wedding anniversary,

Where am I at now:-
After the roller-coaster emotions which was never ending and which I thought would never stop....... I still exp emotions but not as severe and I can pick myself up and carry on.

The pain: That hollow feeling in your tummy and that terrible pain only a BS will know what I am speaking about. That hollow feeling is gone and yes I still feel the pain but that sharp edge is gone.

The grief: I still grief for my marriage but as in death you are forced to move on. Time waits on no man.

The resentment: Identified what I resented and when I go there I stop and take stock of what I must be gratefull for, my life, my beautiful daughters, my family, my supportive friends, my country and to be able to see the dawn of each new day.

The guilt: Yes, admitted to myself that I had to deal with a lot of issues in my life. I was not perfect. I also contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. This will be an ongoing process as I am learning about myself.

The shame: I have no reason to be ashamed. Nobody is perfect. Not me, neither my parents, neither my husband. For those out there that think an A is shameful, maybe their ignorance is bliss.

The forgiveness: After looking at all my faults, I had to ask myself who am I to judge. Who gave me the right to be disrespectful towards my WS. Before I could forgive my WS, I had to forgive myself for all the wrongs I did in my life. Only then I could forgive my WS.

Acceptance: I have accepted my situation. I am not giving up hope but I realized that I am powerless over my WS. As this has changed my whole pespective and outlook on life, his life is also forever changed. My marraige of 12 yrs is dead I have mourned it and I don't want it back. What I ask for now is for God to bless me, and bless me indeed with a new marriage with my WS but in God's time and not mine.

Through all this I have found myself, and I know now that I will never find the happiness that I was looking for in somebody else be it your H or children. My happiness depends on myself.

A year ago, I thought my life had come to an end not realizing it was the beginning of a new dawn for me.

WS and OW still living together and still planning a future together but my future is with me and my children.

"The guilt: Yes, admitted to myself that I had to deal with a lot of issues in my life. I was not perfect. I also contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. This will be an ongoing process as I am learning about myself."

Reply - False guilt is when you totally assume responsiblity for someone else's behavior.

"The shame: I have no reason to be ashamed. Nobody is perfect. Not me, neither my parents, neither my husband.For those out there that think an A is shameful, maybe their ignorance is bliss."

Reply - An affair is and should be shameful. Your XH should feel shame. If someone does something wrong, they should be ashamed. Today, there are no outright societal consequences for bad behavior. This comes from the next point....

"The forgiveness: After looking at all my faults, I had to ask myself who am I to judge........"

Reply - That is today's society favorite Biblical commandment. But it doesn't exist. We are to judge right from wrong. We are instructed to assess right from wrong. The next time someone's kid does something wrong reply with "who am I to judge?" If no one is to judge, banish all laws.

I would like to see all BSs look at adultery for what it is and stop putting the burden on their shoulders.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Okieman:
<strong>"The guilt: Yes, admitted to myself that I had to deal with a lot of issues in my life. I was not perfect. I also contributed to the breakdown of our marriage. This will be an ongoing process as I am learning about myself."

Reply - False guilt is when you totally assume responsiblity for someone else's behavior.

Response: I only take responsibility for my part in the breakdown of the marriage and that I am dealing with, as far as H's behaviour he is repsonsible for destroying a family not me. It was a decision made by him and he must bear the consequences.

"The shame: I have no reason to be ashamed. Nobody is perfect. Not me, neither my parents, neither my husband.For those out there that think an A is shameful, maybe their ignorance is bliss."

Reply - An affair is and should be shameful. Your XH should feel shame. If someone does something wrong, they should be ashamed. Today, there are no outright societal consequences for bad behavior. This comes from the next point....

Response: Yes, an affair is shameful but I will
not walk around with a bowed head or hide myself because of my H affair. Where I live which is a third world country and even though liberated people still think you must bow your head in shame. H must do that but I refuse to be part of his shame. I walk with my head held high.

"The forgiveness: After looking at all my faults, I had to ask myself who am I to judge........"

Reply - That is today's society favorite Biblical commandment. But it doesn't exist. We are to judge right from wrong. We are instructed to assess right from wrong. The next time someone's kid does something wrong reply with "who am I to judge?" If no one is to judge, banish all laws.

Reponse: Right is right and wrong is wrong but I am not going to walk around judging him for his decisions. If you make decisions you are the one responsible for the consequences. Like wise I have made decisions that I am responsible for.

I would like to see all BSs look at adultery for what it is and stop putting the burden on their shoulders.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Rsponse: If I had to put the burden of H affair on my shoulders I would not have experienced so much growth. Yes, adultery gave me a chance to look at my life and the purpose of it. Adultery can ruin my H's life but it is not going to ruin my life neither my children's.