I almost have to laugh. H has done nothing but tell me he wants to recover, he can't picture his future with anyone but me, blah blah blah. Calling me all the time, sending supportive text msgs, leaving me flowers, etc.

Talked to him this morning and we got in a fight because he needed computer help last night, and I didn't get his call because he didn't leave a msg. Somehow, this is my fault.

Then he said he saw my friend at a restaurant and mentioned that he's surprised she didn't tell me she saw him. I said, "Why, were you with someone?" He said yes, he was. I asked who, and he said Lisa, this girl he's been dating. Then he tells me he's having sex with her. WOW! I wasn't aware this was part of Plan A!!

So I just told him to go ahead with the divorce. This has just gone way out of control. I'm done.

And he expects me to call the Harleys while this is going on! This is classic!

"Yes, Hi, Steve...I'm trying to recover with my H, but he's screwing a 22-year-old right now. Can we be helped?"

Puleeze.

inafunk:

Was he serious? Can you confirm?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Gosh!!! What kind of thing is this man on?????

I mean, sure ok you screwed up, you are the WS and all, but this is so darn disrespectful and scornful!!!!!

Oh he's absolutely serious. He said that I've been screwing OM for the last 5 months, so why am I mad?

He says I've been giving him nothing, so what did I expect?

Hmmm... if I remember correctly, he's baited you in the past... I'm not condoning his actions (either having an A or lying - two distasteful options), but it seems he wants you bad enough to behave - uh - badly?! Not very attractive, but I do think he's "medicating" his hurt. Sup to you on what to do... I elect the MB 2 x 4. I might give it a little bit of time too, call his bluff like you did, etc.

inafunk:

Well, even if you were still with your OM, he's M'd to you and he shouldn't "retaliate". It ain't right.

Mr. Funk, if you're lurking... ...well, I can't say most of what I was going to say, so:

You're DUMBER THAN A BAG OF HAMMERS!

Are you out of your tree?

What you're doing really blows the $h!t off a flat rock!!

I agree with JR, call his bluff, if he is not bluffing, then make it clear the contact with OM was cut totally and he has made a fool of himself.

He is the king of LB'ing isn't he?

I am sorry he is being so hurtful inafunk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

He's not lying. I know him.

Just remembered another thing! The other day I said to him, "I can't believe how you are here for me when I need you". He said, "That's the vow I took."

HA!!!!!

Well said 2long!

I am sorry inafunk, he is really INTHEfunk. Gosh what bit him??? I am sorry I know this is not too MB like but I'd be kicking his sorry friggin [censored] down the curve. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> Sorry I just got really mad, that is just too much disrespect for me to stomach. I am sorry.

ALW:

Too much for me to stomach as well. I know I was wrong, but I'm struggling, really struggling to clear my head and make things right. Yes, it's taking me a really long time to do this, but he's done nothing but brag about how "patient" he's being.

This is really the last straw. If I was on the fence about divorce, then I just landed on the other side. His excuses as to why he's screwing her are just pathetic. Let him justify it anyway he wants. As long as it makes HIM feel better.

Then he has the nerve to aske me 20 questions about where I was and what I was doing last night! Is this comical or what? Whatever.

OH THIS IS GETTING GOOD

Because I'm mad, and asking for a divorce, NOW he's threatening me with "So, you want to make this an expensive divorce?" I said why does it have to be expensive. He said, "Because you're being nasty and not talking to me".

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAA?!?!?!?!

I wonder why you'd be mad sheesh, Hmmmm lets see!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> He is demostrating a maturity of a 4 year old. I am sorry Mr inafunk, but you are putting us BS's to shame. You claim you want to figure your M out and repair it, but all you are doing is sabotaging your chances.

All of us BS's have had to have an extreme amount of patience, for crying out loud, I went through 2 friggin years of withdrawal, lies and deception, did I go turn into a vindictive b@tch? NO!!!!!

Make yourself a favour, stop, breath and get a grip. Now YOU are the WS, YOU are the one at fault. Has that made you feel better? I don't see it!

STOP IT!

inafunk:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Oh he's absolutely serious. He said that I've been screwing OM for the last 5 months, so why am I mad?

He says I've been giving him nothing, so what did I expect?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And what did you expect? It's too bad that this has happened, but it's no worse than your affair. It's just people making bad choices.

One of the things you need to learn about MarriageBuilders is that the first rule of thumb is to not 'react' to what your spouse is doing, but rather "act" in a way that will rebuild love. My advice would be for you to call Steve and start to work on this. Whether or not he's screwing a 22-yr old. His poor behavior doesn't absolve you from working on the marriage.

And if you think it does, then you haven't learned a whole lot here.

Inafunk,

I have a rubberized 2x4 used to slap folks upside the head, and in his case it would be used on the little head that is thinking for the big head <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Im a BS and have been tempted to meet the strong SF need. But I decided I would NOT treat my WS as I was treated. The forum helped me reenforce this and come to realize later this was a good thing to do.

I will make no excuses for your H, he is being stupid, stupid, stupid. and for sure does not truly understand that time and work is needed and how important it is to your recovery.

He is trying to hurt you, will you let him??

He says he's getting nothing (physical) so what did you expect? Honesty, trust, open communication, caring, sharing, protection from hurting each other, committment to recover, working to meet eachother's needs, him working on him (not the way he did), you working on you, the two of you working on "us"....

Does he still read the forum? Did he see your post about how your feeling.....?

I'm sorry for you, it sounds like his very unnecessary childish immaturity has done some damage....but I also sense you have become a stronger person since the start....and can make the decisions needed.

Prayers

DRS

K,

I agree and disagree at the same time.

The problem here is as follows:

inafunk had an affair, she does know this, and she has been trying. She comes regularly to a marriage building site, acknowledges her spouses efforts, and is distressed by how slow this is working.

Mr Inafunk, has tried, but taking into account it has been less than a month? since NC was stablished things are due to Sloooowly look up, but this just sets back recovery.

It was SH who mentioned that the continued abuse of any of the parties would take him to recommend to abandon building efforts.

The WS are guilty of their own actions, they had an affair, they betrayed their spouses and sacred vows. The problem here is that, when inafunk is trying he BS not only threw the A on her face, which I am sure she is very aware of everyday, but also went and had a revenge A just out of spite it seems.

Ok now I'll shut my pie hole before I say something crazy.

*Goes to recess over at the corner*

<small>[ July 26, 2002, 09:19 AM: Message edited by: Alostwife ]</small>

K:

Two wrongs don't make a right, and by what MB teaches us, what he has done has just sent me flying. Absolutely the opposite of what he should have done.

And I'm sorry, but I'm scraping to make it from month to month because I'm paying for the whole house & utlilites by myself with no help from him. I don't have the $165 to pay for Steve. And I'm definitely not talking to ANYONE with him as long as this is going on. Just like he refused to go to MC with me while I was seeing OM.

Desert:
When he said he's getting "nothing", I don't think he meant just physical. He meant at all. No affection, no effort.

I guess my post from the other day was "effortless".

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He is trying to hurt you, will you let him?? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">No. I'm done with this roller coaster. I've been on it way too long and I'm getting off.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Does he still read the forum? Did he see your post about how your feeling.....?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes...everyday. I'm sure he's reading this right now, because the phone calls have stopped. Yes, he saw that other post. Like I said before...nothing I do is ever enough.

I just can't believe the nerve. The he has the gull to tell me that he knows this realtionship with this girl will never amount to anything. UM...OK!?! Then WHY would you lead her on and jeopardize any chances of recovery for us?? What a [censored].

Look, I understand that you would be livid at this current information...I also understand why he's in the position he's in.

You guys have done nothing towards real reconciliation...otherwise...why is he still living apart from you?

You two are HELL BENT on being right instead of being married.

Yes, he's being immature...I noticed his major issues from the first time I saw him posting...blame blame blame...don't you feel sorry for me.

But guess what...YOU'RE DOING THE SAME THING!

Saying your done at this point has more to do with anger and hurt, and less to do with reason. Now you feel validated for dumping him and that helps ease your guilt. But...hardly gets you what you wanted in the first place, does it?

There are better ways...you two just have avoided them at all costs. I'm sad to see that happen. I do hope you will continue to look inward and hopefully find a good counselor so that your patterns won't repeat. Even if you get rid of him...you still have your half of the issues.

Good luck, sincerely.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Two wrongs don't make a right, and by what MB teaches us, what he has done has just sent me flying. Absolutely the opposite of what he should have done.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You'll get no argument from me on this point---except that MB "teaches" us not to react. And you're reacting, and throwing your hands up and saying "I quit".

And that's not MB policy either.

Alostwife---

I won't beat you up. What you said:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">It was SH who mentioned that the continued abuse of any of the parties would take him to recommend to abandon building efforts.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">is very true. Steve will recommend separation with "continued abuse" (not physical abuse, but marital abuse). However, that's usually the "Plan B" point, and the key here is "continued" abuse.

This isn't "continued". This is a setback. It doesn't feel good to inafunk, but a lot of recovery is pretty tough. If Mr. Inafunk was here, I'd verbally "kick him in his nuts". But he's not. Inafunk is. My advice to you is to let this whirlwind die down, and then get with a real plan that will help recover your marriage. For inafunk to approach her husband's affair as an "unpardonable" sin is pretty incongruent.

I don't remember ever saying anything about it being "unpardonable sin".

The thing that chafs my [censored] the most is that he leads me to believe he's there for me, waiting patiently, courting me all the way, with cards, flowers, e-cards, e-mails, etc. All the while he's screwing someone else. No wonder he's being so damned patient!!