Q: How on earth did you do it though?
A: Well, I did it up in a text editor first, to get an idea of how many questions, etc. - then it was a big "cut and paste" exercise to put it in the poll itself... now that I look at it, I could have asked a few more things!!
Q: What is IC?
A: "Individual Counseling" as opposed to MC "Marriage Counseling" (I guess I could have asked about that, too!)
daoren, Q #6 is mentioned in the first post on the thread. Not sure if you're an OP or WS based on your comment... this poll was most suited for answers by WS's, by design.
Now that we have some data to look at, here's a quick assessment after 27 votes (very non-scientific I might add)...
- Lots of female WS's visit MB... quite a few "recoveries" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
- The median was for EA to exist 6-12 months prior to d-day and PA to exist 3-6 months before
- Modal response was for full A life-cycle to be 6-12 months
- Seems most WS were surprised by how their BS's reacted to the A - I think mine thought I'd bolt and she'd be free to carry on at-will! Sorry babe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
- Surprisingly (to me), SF seemed to improve with BS after d-day for many... it also ended somewhat less frequently (as in my case)
- Most significantly, most WS ended (or attempted to end) their A's almost immediately after d-day. I know mine did as well - but obviously failed miserably <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
- For the few WS who went through Plan B, it seems to have a major impact
- For the death of the A, it seems that self-examination and fear of losing the BS are most significant; interesting... fear of loss appears to be coming into play for me right now! Next closest in significance are practical issues and the BS's behavior (let it stand as a lesson - no LB'ing!!)
- Interestingly, it seems that OP rarely end an A on their own! I was a little surprised by this, but I guess once you're getting something "for free", why end it?
- Withdrawal and depression were very common but not universal
- The median response for W/D intensity could be characterized as "hard but I managed"
- The median W/D length appears to be 2-6 months
- There's a wide range of feelings left for OP... but the most common is not for them to be missed terribly
- At one point in the voting it wasn't so obvious, but now it's clear that there's 2 things that delay the A's ending (of those who voted)... foggy thinking and basic feelings for the OP. Since both of these things are driven from the WS, it becomes understandable that for the most part, these A's just had to run their course - although that wasn't by a huge margin... there appears to be some power a BS CAN exert, although it isn't clear what the best route is, other than possibly being tougher
- Counseling appears to be important for those who did so
- Most regret having the A in the first place - which tends to agree with the fact that these A's have DIED and the fog has cleared. I don't think such an admission is even possible for most WS engaged in an active A.
- In terms of sacrifices, things other than changing jobs and moving appears to be "in bounds" quite a bit
- Positive contact during separation seems to be more of a positive than a negative; this could speak to the policy of Plan A'ing whenever you do need interaction
- And most MB WS's are indeed trying their best to maintain NC - good for you, folks <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
By all means, keep voting! I may do up a "Part 2" sometime, too.
<small>[ August 02, 2002, 08:57 PM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>
