I am new here and am not sure which forum I should be posting this in. If anyone knows which forum would be of more help, please let me know.

I have been married for 23 years, I was married at age 18. For the last 2 years I have been chatting/voice emailing/ emailing with another man. He does not know I am married. I know it is a big lie on my part. He filled my lonely nights and days. We fell in love. I know he doesn't know the real me since I have withheld the fact that I am married. He wants to meet and it is suppose to be within the next couples weeks. I have never kissed/slept/touched another man since I have been married. I know I need to stop this crazy web I have weaved. I wish I could just drop out of internet sight but I know how much he will worry about me if he doesn't hear from me. He is single, no kids, never married. I cannot tell him I am married. I will be hurting him enough by losing all contact with him. I just want to move on with my life. I am very sad about ending it but I do not plan to end my marriage and I cannot keep living a lie online. Has anyone else ended an online relationship? Is just disappearing online the cowards way out? I feel since I cannot tell him I am married that I will have to tell more lies on top of what I already have in order to end it. I need help! Thanks, Lorianne

Maybe this is just me, but I fail to see any attraction to someone on line.. You do realise that he is probably lying about things as much as you are..
I have seen my husband do it a dozen times... and why because he said women are stupid and they feel sorry for him when he makes up crap and it is easier to get them to bed...

what if you meet him and he turns out to be not just an idiot like my husband can be .. but a true phsycho one who might hurt you or worse kill you or your husband.. I know that seems extreme, but good grief rething meeting any one on line... aside fromt he fact that this man probably has dozens of women whom he worry about, what would your husband say.. how do you know he doesnt have an std or worse... how do you know what his real intentions are...
you are playing with fire and you should be scared to death..

if your smart just dissapearing from on line is the only way out..
sorry to be blunt, but people who do things like this scare me. my husband has brought several crazy people he met off line into our lives and it caused great pain all around.

Hi lorianne,

I agree with mom of five that he has probably been lying to you as well. I also STRONGLY agree that you MUST take your safety--and your BS's safety--into consideration.

If it were me, I would consider a No Contact email--one that simply states that I have not been honest with him and that this is the last contact we will have. I would also wish him well and tell him that I hope he finds someone more honest than I was.

After this, I would close down all avenues of contact (get new email, etc).

THEN--I would confess everything to my H, including that I want our marriage. I would follow EVERY bit of advice in the information sections on the Harleys website on what to expect, what to do, and how to do it--in other words, I would start rebuilding my marriage.

If you haven't already done so, start reading the info that is on the MB website. There is oodles of info on dealing with infidelity that can start you on the road to a better marriage than you ever dreamed possible!

Best wishes to you, and especially to your betrayed H.

<small>[ July 27, 2002, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: YetAgain ]</small>

Originally posted by lorianne:

<strong>I am new here and am not sure which forum I should be posting this in. If anyone knows which forum would be of more help, please let me know.</strong>

I think you've come to the right place.

<strong>For the last 2 years I have been chatting/voice emailing/ emailing with another man. He does not know I am married. I know it is a big lie on my part. He filled my lonely nights and days. We fell in love. I know he doesn't know the real me since I have withheld the fact that I am married. </strong>

I can understand you being attracted to him if he has been fulfilling your need for conversation and probably other emotional needs too. But what I'm wondering is... how can you call this love if, as you say, he doesn't know the real you? If the relationship is based on that much dishonesty about something that makes all the difference in the world, that's not very loving. What you've been doing behind your husband's back for the past two years isn't very loving either.

<strong>He wants to meet and it is suppose to be within the next couples weeks. I have never kissed/slept/touched another man since I have been married. </strong>

But it sounds as though you have had an emotional affair going on for a couple of years.

<strong>I know I need to stop this crazy web I have weaved. I wish I could just drop out of internet sight but I know how much he will worry about me if he doesn't hear from me. He is single, no kids, never married. I cannot tell him I am married. I will be hurting him enough by losing all contact with him. </strong>

There is no painless way out of this situation. Since you know that you need to end your relationship with your online other man, I honestly think the best thing that you can do at this point is to send him one last message. Tell him the truth about you being married. Hopefully you can also tell him truthfully that out of respect for your marriage and your husband's feelings you cannot be in contact with him ever again. Then block his name in your chat programs and his email address in your email reader... basically, do everything you can to make sure that he *can't* contact you. From what you say, it's possible that just revealing the fact that you're married may be enough all by itself to keep him from contacting you again.

<strong>Has anyone else ended an online relationship? Is just disappearing online the cowards way out? I feel since I cannot tell him I am married that I will have to tell more lies on top of what I already have in order to end it. I need help! Thanks, Lorianne</strong>

Pulling a disappearing act probably feels much easier for you to do than to send one last message to end the online relationship. But it will probably result in him sending many frantic messages trying to find you and trying to find out what happened to you. It will give him a reason to try to keep your online affair alive. And what you really need to do at this point is put an end to it.

You don't have to tell more lies. And you shouldn't. It's time to tell the truth.

BenFoldsFan

"As weeks went by
It showed that she was not fine.
They told me:
'Son, it's time to tell the truth.'
She broke down, and I broke down
'Cause I was tired of lying."
-- Ben Folds, "Brick"

Lorianne,

I think the best way to end this is the way that Ben suggested above. I also think that this will happen again as soon as the sting of this affair [and yes, it is an affair] wears off. This affair happened because of needs not being met in your marriage and unless you address them, this is going to happen again. You need to have the needs that were being met in this online affair to be met in your marriage. This affair is only a by-product of problems in your marriage.

I would suggest ending the affair immediately and then reading everything you can here so that you can steps to fix the problems in your marriage.