Well, here I go.

I think I have all my finances staight. I have tried to prepare the kids. I have a great network of friends who of course stand by me even though I have taken my fair share of the blame. I am happy with myself for the most part. I still have work to do but am keeping up the counseling. I am gaining my self esteem back (most days). The letter is ready.

I don't think my WH has a clue that my waiting game has about run its course. I know the A has cooled but he has never told me it is over. He is in deep depression but talks of our future constantly. I don't know if I have the guts and I am sure he doesn't think I do.

Should I use this time to prepare him that a decission must be close or else he is out of the house or would this be destructive? I don't want it to sound like an ultimatum but what is the best? Also, he is putting up such a great effort but sometime in August the EA started 2 years ago!
He's addicted or in love. He has told me if I kick him out he will stop trying and the marriage is over. Is that a fog threat? I guess it doesn't matter because I am ready.

All comments graciously accepted. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I think it would be a good idea a few days before the Plan B letter to have a talk with him about the A. Find out if it is really over. Get your boundaries out and ask him if he is willing to do all the boundaries. You can do this without being demanding and without telling him of your Plan B timing. Remind him though that the current path he is taking is going to lead him one day to the Plan B and why plan b is necessary. He should know this much.

About the threat about the marriage being over, that is probably just an empty threat. I have heard that one before myself and from many BS's here. He is very obviously protecting himself from that uncomfortable position and trying to control you.

Hi. Thanks for the reply.

Actually, my counselor gave me the save advice. He thinks that my WH still wants to work it out but he sensed that I have become the one that is withdrawing now. I am confused again or tired of it all. As I explained, WH is giving me all he can for where he is. He is not abusive just withdrawn and emotionally detached. Any affection he initiates. It is not welcome from me even though he has gotten more possesive of me and my time. He never felt threatened by my time away from home.

Anyway my counselor said I should approach it as how do you see the future? He asked me the same question and I could not collect an answer when before I automatically said with my WH in a fufilling marriage.

Where am I? In the WH fog?

I think you're in withdrawal. And its where you should be.

Remember the states of marriage? Conflict...then withdrawal.

Well after 2 years of this, I think its pretty natural and understandable that you would be in withdrawal.

I think your LB is draining. And you've gone for a very long time without your own needs being met. You're at a point where something needs to change. And since he's not willing or able to do it -- then its up to you.

This situation is so disrespectful, and its long past time that you stand up for yourself and get some respect back.

As for his threat about the marriage being over -- ahem -- why are you letting him dictact anything anymore??? Its time for YOU to make some decisions and choices. The marriage is over if you make him move out?? WHAT MARRIAGE?? Is this a marriage??? THIS particular marriage SHOULD be over. Time to create a new one (with him if he gets his [censored] together or maybe there's someone else out there who knows how to treat a spouse.)

Lexxxy...
You always make me smile. I had a friend tell me once that you are no longer in love with your husband, you are in love with your life as it use to be and your WH is no longer willing to be the person he once was. What do you think about giving him a warning?

I miss my WH as he used to be but his presence without emotional attactment is wearing on me. I need affection from the man I live with and even whwn the A was in it's hot and heavy stage, he was very affectionate to me. He attactment stopped when he told me.

I never thought of myself in withdrawl but I guess you hit the nail on the head. I am a great person but obviously not for him anymore. And futher more WH thinks he can buy me back and has never understood that all I want is for him to give of himself.

Thanks for the advice. Did your marriage survive?