Been reading posts here since first of the year. Here is my story. Please feel free to offer advice.

Married for eight years. Most of them very good. Six year old son that we both adore. About two years ago sensed displeasure in relationship from both of us. I thought things would get better with time. As time went on it only got worse and my drinking esacalated. Wife began spending more and more time at work. Drinking kept me company and made me happy while waiting for her to get home. Attitudes twoard each other continued to get worse however never have been the fighting type. Very social in neighborhood and able to put on pretty good show around friends and still capable of having a good time together.

D Day occurs 12/28/2001. Had enough of the cold treatment and slept on couch prior evening. Next morning she realizes where I slept and came to talk. She admitted EA/PA with boss had been going on for a year. "Liked the way he made her feel". After short discussion and many emotions I had to get away. Son still asleep.

I wound up at a hotel and after about an hour she calls mobile phone. She was worried about me and we had a long conversation about many things. Somehow I was led into a natural Plan A. Quickly realized I was much to blame for her looking to someone else. However we realize her actions were not appropriate either. Not long after we end this conversation she calls back still worried and feeling a lot of guilt for her actions and wanting me to come see our son. I agreed to come later to see him.

She offerred to stay in another room or on the couch if I wanted to stay at home that night but I needed to be alone. Made arrangements to stay with a friend nearby on a temporary basis while things get sorted out. Both went to work the next day. Next morning she calls and asks to talk face to face about us after work.

I pick up son and make arrangements for him to stay with friends for a few hours. She comes home and asks me if I would be willing to try to work things out and come home. I'm very willing but cautious. Unfortunately we need her income. She states she ended relationship with OM and one of them would change jobs.

We both go to counseling and after several sessions counselour and us agree that we have paved a good path and counseling should become on an as needed basis. Life is good and the love and enjoyment of each other returns quickly. Travel frequently as a family and enjoy every minute of it.

OM is not as eager to go away. Continues to try to persuade her to continue relationship even though he tells WS he is happy at home. WS refuses but is in the uncomfortable position of trying to continue her job while having to face her biggest mistake as she refer to the A. Obviously he is not attempting to change jobs. Job market is tough and wife has still not found anything. I choose not to push her in fear of her resenting me down the road. Sad part of it is that she works for a great company, enjoys the work but hates the atmosphere. I think she has learned what he was really after.

This brings us to the present. Still no change in WS job. She says the comments at work have stopped. As much as I wanted to I never contacted OM. WS is stressed and our relationship is still good but could still improve.

I have learned through this that I love her more than I thought I could. I have very high expectations of people and sometimes expect too much. My drinking is much better. Only on a social basis. I want to make my families lives the best they can be. My real concern is that WS needs to be completely away from OM to truly heal from what happened and move forward in our relationship.

I know many of you are in the same situation with regards to the need of income and the OP continuing to be a presence in the workplace. I think we are doing real well but are being held back due to the circumstances. What have you done to continue progress when things seem to be stalling?

First I want to point out that the two of you are doing wonderful. You have made a lot of progress through the past few months and that is to be applauded and acknowledged.

Is your WW still looking into a job change? Sometimes it's hard to up and switch jobs. My DH doesn't like where I work too much, but it's a bit different - XOM doesn't work with me, but he has been known to work in close enough area from time to time (he's a contractor). Anyhow, if she is still looking then that's a good sign. I know it must be hard, and it is something the two of you should discuss. Let her know you are not trying to push but that you need to discuss your feelings. It may help to talk more than you expect. Also, try to come up with some things that will help during the day - e-mails, calls, maybe lunch once a week if possible.

Trusting her is hard, and that's natural. I bet right now you have this feeling in your gut that you want to trust her so bad, but you don't trust her and you feel you ought to by now. Well, that's a bit off base. You have no reason to trust her yet, and I bet she would understand. The thing I asked of my husband was that he just believe in me a little. It will help all concerned.

I'm not sure there is much else I can offer. I think you guys are doing a wonderful job. Keep moving forward, and be sure to keep the lines of communication open. I wish you the best. Take care!

Thanks for the reply. Yes she is still looking which I agree is a good sign. Had an outstanding interview last Thursday. Job would require more of a commute but with great company with more opportunity.

We do lunch together about once per week and try to do "date night" when we can but have been on the go so much this summer that it's been harder to schedule. We have also have put more emphasis on our beleifs and faith. That has been very comforting and made us closer.

Sounds like you guys are doing great. The best thing I can suggest is to continue to keep the communication going. If something is bothering you and cannot be changed anytime soon, it can help tremendously to just talk about it and know she understands.

My best to you both. Continue the good work. Take care.