Best one I've read so far is:

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'd say something like "I'm sorry, what did you say your name is? You kind'a look familiar but I can't quite place you." </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Laughed for an entire minute at that one...

Don't think I'd say anything at all. I gave her a piece of my mind a couple of times (when she had the audacity to answer his cell and once through an email exchange). Also, this OW is such a piece of work (manipulative as all get out) that it wouldn't be worth my time. She'd twist everything to her advantage any way without listening, no matter how it was phrased or said. Everything would be twisted to support her viewpoints instead of learning anything about herself... so don't think I'd waste my breath.

Well maybe under my breath, barely heard... I might say "loser..." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

Well I actually faced my WW's OM, and gave him a very civil, well-constructured "lecture" (wasn't intended to be one, but he was as silent as a church-mouse, so I had no choice). Here's some paraphrased parts of our talk... I wish I'd recorded it now, but this gives a general idea:

"So, OM... You want to marry my wife, is that right?"

"Yes. I fell in love with her very fast."

"One small problem - she's still married to me."

"Yes. She says she wants to divorce you, but you don't want that."

"You do know that I can't stop her... I've done nothing to hold her here."

"Oh.......... She never told me that."

"In fact, I just want her to be happy, and I'll support her in any way to be happy."

"Uh... I have a question."

"Shoot."

"If she wants to be with me, and then she decides not to, you would take her back, right?"

"Well... there are no gaurantees in life, are there? I can't make any. She can't make any. You can't make any."

"Oh............"

It went on and on like that for about 30 minutes. Gawd this guy is naive.

Anyhow, that's not exactly venting... If I'd vented at him, it'd be more like:

"Hey, Flunky Giggle-Lizzard... If you're so great, why does WW REFUSE to move out?"

and

"If you're so great, why does WW say, 'I can't lose you'?"

and

"If you're so great, why does WW say, 'I know it'd be stupid to be with him'?"

and

"Why has WW dropped hints to me that sex is better with me than you, huh?"

and

"Why did WW suggest to me around the time that I left that she'd gladly do my laundry if I came back and gave her a 'special kind' of SF that your child-brain's probably never dreamed of?"

You get the idea.... (Just Venting, though!)

<small>[ July 30, 2002, 12:37 AM: Message edited by: J.R. ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by robyn1965:
<strong> I asked her why she would kiss someone she had no feelings for who was married with 2 young daughters, and was 19 years older than her. She said she was just like that!

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Robyn... I didn't read this thread as carefully as I should have all the way through when I posted to PB and then I noticed your comment here.

This gal sounds like a really DUMB BLONDE. (Of course, I could be wrong.) Yup, I'm blonde and I know all of the dumb blonde jokes. Vapor between the ears, you know? Really immature. There are days I want to dye my hair and forget the fact I'm blonde <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I think you were very generous and giving to this person... how in the heck did you find it in you to give her clothes?!!!! You have one big heart.

bluekeys

You can rest easy, she is not blonds! Shes actually a brunette and funnily enough she looks a little bit like me in some ways....

I gave her the clothes for her daughter about a year ago (one year after the A started) but I of course didnt know that the A was going on. I just thought she had a crush on WH and I knew she didnt like me for some reason, so stupid me washes and irons some really lovely clothes my kids grew out of and gave them to her. Thinking maybe it would break the ice and make her like me. I even said that to WH.

One thing that really hurts now is that obviously he knew the full picture and let me make a total fool of myself. Then last christmas I was at carols by candellight with my girls and husband and OW and her daughter came and sat with us. OW totally ignored me, her daughter was wearing my kids clothes and OW didnt even bother to say thanks. 5 months later when D.Day came I understood what her problem was!

Robyn

I met with OW. At first she denied everything but after I told her about some of 'her' secrets that H had told me (which could cause some serious issues in her life if told to the wrong people), she became amazingly honest. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> After that we had quite a comfortable conversation and left on friendly terms. Even hugged each other when leaving and wished each other well. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Now if someone wants to start a thread on what you would say to your WS if you could vent without LB'ing being a issue, boy oh boy I'm sure I'd have the longest post there. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Mr. Lumpy MonkeyFanny would get more than an earfull.

When I finally got around to talking to my Hs FOW, she bawled with guilt and remorse. (Or maybe it was fear that I would kick her butt...who knows) Anyway, she had the nerve to tell me that they started out being really good friends who talked a lot about her break up with the father of her two kids, and that it grew into something else. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> I told her to write a few things down on piece of paper tonight before she went to bed;

1). Your "FRIEND" was having a problem in his marriage.

2). You knowingly and willingly became part of that problem

THAT'S NOT FRIENDSHIP. It's pure unadulterated selfishness. She knew it was wrong and that the revelation of their A would cause a great deal of pain to someone he TRULY loved and she continued the relationship so that she could get what she needed from him (a sympathetic ear, to be told a lot of pretty things, etc.) At best that's a warped and twisted relationship, but not friendship.I told her not to kid herself about what they had. My husband now realizes that basically he used this woman to get what he needed until he could communicate those things to me. I told her she got "rented out for a few months". She said it kills her that he won't even look at her or speak to her. (they still work together.) I told her that's because he's finally keeping his promises. I explained to her that during their A my H became someone he said he never wnated to be... a liar, a cheat, and basically someone who coudn't be taken seriously about anything, so while she may have gotten what she needed from him, she did absolutely nothing for him. I also told her that it would be stupid to put herself in that situation again and that the next time she decided to "reach out to someone", it shouldn't be a married man. She said she realized all that and was going to try and reconcile with the father of her children because she wanted what my H and I had with him.

I have asked myself this question at least 100 times a day! I have seriously thought of calling her and asking her what she was doing! When I first confronted my WH, the OW even sent me an email telling me to work on my marriage and that my WH valued my and my boys' love!! She claimed that they were "just friends". I would tell her how much she has hurt me and, indirectly, my boys. I would tell her that she has stolen the most precious first days of my new son's life from me. I would ask her how she thinks her husband would feel if I told him about the A. I would tell her that she should tell him and she should work at being a faithful wife (two of his previous marriages ended because of Affairs).

Finally, I would love to be slim and looking great and I would walk up to her and say, "wow, I didn't realise you were so plain!!" (Wishful thinking, but wouldn't it be great?!)
Fishwife

I'd just pretend she isn't even there if I ever saw her. My husband would most likely hug me or kiss me.

I think that would be more than enough to let her know nobody cares what she thinks or what is she doing. And to that xOW there is nothing more hurtful than that.

I was so focused on ow maoving away, that I haven't thought about the fantasy of confrontation in a long time. I have thought of using US Search to make sure she is far and away...but then I talk myself out of it because I know the power rests with my h, not with her...and we have come so far. I don't want to SAY anything to her, but I do wish she could have the visual of us sitting in bed late at night playing gin and enjoying each other to the fullest. Does that make me immature. Probably. This was her 3rd affair and she had 2 very young children. Yep, I'm pretty sure I still hate her guts.

This thread is interesting.

But after all of this, as angry and resentful as I got... I don't think I care to confront OW any longer. Why? Maybe just me being egotistical... maybe me just being uppity... don't know, BUT

OW's attitudes, ethics, outlook, ideas and morals aren't those that I'd think would contribute to my life. I don't think I really want to hear it from her any longer. It sounds like she had a bad background or a rough time growing up, but you know what? Ya gotta learn how to deal with those problems as an adult in a healthy way. This OW has had a number of relationships and is in a common law marriage right now. Her SO is slinkin' around on her too. She whines that he's "Disney Dad", doesn't care about her, and tries to control her... but she had the audacity to tell me to look in a mirror. What has she done to make that situation better--went in an contributed to a meltdown of someone else's marriage. Now, I don't blame her 100% for that A--both she and my H are/were involved (can't figure that one out yet), but I hope my H comes to realize that she'd probably be the same way (skankin' around, unconcerned for her children, etc.) if she and he stick together long term. She's just a fun time gal to him.

Hmmm... I was monogomously married 23 years before all of this, never had any real significant threats that would have undermined our marriage before this, yes there were times before when it was d*mn HARD... but we pulled through before. My kids are all headed to college, we had a VERY stable home and family before this A... so tell me... who needs to look in a mirror? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Ok, so I got on a stump there. But, it's why I don't think I'd want to confront her again or meet her. Her life isn't stable and she is a significant cause of why her home life sucks as well. Her telling me to look in the mirror is a lot like the pot calling the kettle black. (If anyone here's old enough to remember that saying from your grandma!)I didn't mean to end up sounding so high minded and moralistic here, but I can choose which ideas, whose ideas, and such that I want to put in my life--which of those do I think can positively contribute to it. OW's I don't think can!

I have one more thing to tell the OW with regard to children...my husband is definately staying for me contrary to what she believes. We are having another child because he and I decieded together that we have enough love to give to one more. We have dicovered how much we do love each other and that our marriage is better and stronger than before. That it is a marriage of reality not based on fantasy. That we have real problems and that we have been able to work them out as two adults. No I did not get pregnant to keep him as you believe. I am a mother already and would never use a child that way. I am sorry for her, and I suspect that using the "stay for the children" is one way she can save face. I really don't hate her, I kind of feel sorry for her. My H strayed and she believed that his marriage was falling apart. She was wrong. She was just a fling. That has to damage your self esteem, esp. because many who choose to be in an A have low self esteem. Anyway, thank you for letting me vent. I'd never say it in person, but it feels good to get all my ugly thoughts out. I hate what she (they) did, I do not hate her. I hope she finds a nice single guy and figures out what life is really about. Affairs are fantasy. No day to day problems like a real family has. That is why they are such an escape. Had he left, eventually they would have had day to day stress...the fantasy can't last. That is why so many relationships fail between the WS and OP. It may take a while, but it is unlikely that they will be successful. Thank you all for my daily vent. I feel much better now and can go on with my day! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />