I have not posted a vent in while – perhaps I’m having withdrawal pains on that level as well?!
My DW has been moody of late – and we have slowed down the SF pace. We have not had any real battles for a good while either. Feels like we have actually fell back into old patterns or routines.
I have not been calling her very much at all - -even on her days off when she is at home; opps, I guess I cannot actually say that I know that - I ask no questions as to what she does -- she does not volunteer much -- lets me know on a need to know basis - -I have gotten to a point where I don't really mind or worry about anymore.
This "no call" thing, I would classify as her "No Chit-Chat Rule." She has validated this by reference to one of our lady friends who evidently told Cindy that her & her husband only talk during the day two or three times a week & it is always restricted to specific plans they are coordinating. Now how is that for an authoritative source as to how we are to manage our relationship, makes sense, don't you think! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
My Post would not be complete w/o a comment about her dress. This has not been a topic between us for a month, when I told her if she insists on skimpy bikini's to pool, I will not be joining her --
The authoritative source for her on this one is that her boss's husband wants her (the boss) to dress in provocative fashion. I guess the logic there is that therefore that should be our standard as well! I did remind her her that I was not married to her boss or perhaps more importantly she is not married to her boss's Husband --HMMM I did not actually tell her that! --I did say, "So, she complies with her husbands whishes or preferences? Evidently that is not the point! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
So, Harley principles, or any other books I have introduced are not appropriate -- we are to go with which ever of her friends agree to whatever principle she likes. For example, her boss & husband prayer together, and are very active with lots of church projects, together, but that is not a principle Cindy chooses to embrace. She has her own mind of course and should not have to do anything that she does not want to -- I can be content to go with the flow! Why muddy the water with my silly little, needy kinds of things, right! I don't need to hear the words, ILY -- I don't mind really. I don't have to hold her hand or get a kiss, now & then. We have lustful se*! I will draw a line if she decides to start fooling around again! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> And for the most part, she is pleasant. I still get a lot of SF -- not twice a day like it was, but 4 to 5 times a week -- this is good! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I do not feel I have not been obsessing as such, but I was wondering about something – Not a big deal, but something that has me a little annoyed – wanted to get some feedback to see if I have any basis or justification here or not. I can just as easily “chill” on this issue –
My DW was raised in a very modest lifestyle & She has spoken before that she felt somewhat deprived in her teenage years with the cloths she was allowed to buy -- I know this was one source that she felt somewhat insecure or inferior to in reference to what she perceived was important to her status or attempt or need to feel a part of the “in group” or of being popular. Her dad was very domineering & I have a sense she was highly motivated to get out from under his rule. When in high school, she did not have much of a clothing allowance & was restricted to buying cloths from “K-mart” & this was why she baby set – to earn more money to buy cloths. So, what I am about to discuss may be as much about her perceived need for tangible things to give her a sense of personal worth versus any real contempt for me -- ??
We married at a very young age as a result of her pregnancy. For years she professed a desire to wear a diamond – she felt slighted to only wear a wedding band – like she felt it was an outward sign of poverty or a big social stigma or something. So about 7 years ago I shelled out a fair amount of money & got what I considered a nice diamond. I bought this diamond from her sister at wholesale. Her sister works at a Jewelry store & it has become a custom for me to get her Christmas gifts from her sister. My W (Cindy) still wears a pair of diamond ear rings I got her a few years ago, quit a bit still! – I forget exactly, but I recall I spent $500 -- $600 on the diamond ring. Not the biggest rock, but not the smallest – it has a few small ones on the side, in addition to the bigger one on the middle. At the time, she said that she liked it and seemed very content and proud.
A couple years ago (Perhaps 2 &1/2 years ago?) But, yes, along the same time, maybe a little before her MLC change – (01/01/2000 – her official declaration of changing to a new woman!) she came home & said she found this diamond on the ground, when she was leaving a flea market she attended. I do not doubt that this is true. I guess you could say that she fell in love with this ring. It is actually a little plainer that the one I got her, just the one rock, but it is slightly bigger.
Here is my question, she wears this ring she found much more than she wears the ring I gave her. In fact, I cannot recall when I last saw her wear the ring I got her – I do not always make note of which rings she wears however.
I know, I tend to over-analyze -- just a question. Not an obsession as such --
I don't think anyway.
If it were you, would you be a little put off? Or would you consider it no big deal? She is wearing a ring, which was more than what she was doing at times, during her A’s.
Is not this ring supposed to symbolize something between two people & not just a piece of decoration to make some kind of social statement? Or do you think I am just being a sentimental, self-pitying slob?
I know that she does not think about things the same way I do & I am wondering if I am being a totally sentimental slob here? I am curious what others would think of this -- ??
Here is a quick update, before I even get this on the board. I had to go home and when I got there she was just changing her cloths form work. Low & behold, she is not wearing any rings! (Now I am not upset, I did not catch her in the ACT HERE!) Just wondering! A bit later, after she has completed her change, she comes down stars & is wearing the ring she found. In a very calm way, I said that I noticed she was not wearing her ring earlier. She said, “I lost it in the doily on the dresser. I sometimes take it off to put lotion on my hand and forget to put it back on.” Now, she was calm & not defensive (Whew, that is different, when I ask a potentially threatening question!). With that calmness, I ask a second question, “Do you still have the ring I bought you?” Her, answer, “Yes I do, but it gets caught on the cloths I wear.” There you have it – I guess forget about the ring I bought her – it’s the ring she found that she’s wearing.
I guess for me to explore this anymore I am going back to my old ways of being “Mr. Controlling” – she does have a right to wear what ever rings she chooses, right? Who am I to suggest anything else, huh. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Please, let me know what you think?
Sorry, I thought I was going to be brief! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Later, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Bob
<small>[ July 29, 2002, 04:31 PM: Message edited by: Hurrian Hoosier ]</small>
