Hi there a question for you guys out there// Steve Harley said Admiration was the bestway for me to deposit LB deposits in H account.
Well any suggestions as to how I can do this more. I've run into him & said hey you look great which seemed to really please him but as he's with OW & I don't get the chance to see him (usually only if he's at the bar or if he needs something from me)
I know you don't know the guy but any ideas from a guys perspective ya can only say you look great so many times eh. We were never ones for sending mushy cards etc so now i feel that my hands are tied. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry Wrungout - Im not a fella, just wanted to say hi - Im online now too.

I hope the guys give you some good responses.

Dancer

In today's world a pat on the back seems to be a rare thing at work and sometimes a guy needs to know if he doing good or not. Sometimes coming from one's spouse is worth more than coming from one's employer. Every time My GF has done something good I tell her so and if it is really special I tell her I'm proud of her.She in turn tells me things like how kind hearted I am or how good at fixing things or comments on how hard I work. One time I cooked dinner for her and her comment was "Oh my god where did you learn to cook, this is so good"
Guys whether they admit it or not sometimes need a positive input from their better half and if they have screwed up at lest critize them in a construtive manner instand of running them down. My GF give me constructive critizium in a positive manner that gets the point across without making a fight of it.
Other things like if he is cutting the grass on a hot day take him out a cold drink just to show you care and even throw in you are doing a good job.I not saying be a servant just show him some appreheation once in awhile.

231

I don't know how well this plays into Plan A, but, flirt with him a little when you see him. Not overboard or it will come across as needy, or clinging. Make sure you look your best when you know you are going to see him. Don't have to put on an evening gown. Just make sure you aren't looking like you just got done cleaning the toilets. How much have you worked on yourself. I don't know your story. I do know that one of the to 10 EN is physical actractiveness. Men of course are very visually stimulated. So if you feel the need to work out or go out and get a tan, or anything that will make him see you in a different light. If you can afford it, go out and get yourself a few new outfits. Something a little different than what you would normally wear. Even get some sexy underwear. Even if he doesn't see it, it will make you feel better about yourself. And who knows, maybe he may "accidently" see it laying around next time you do the laundry. Make it a point to be dressed nicely, maybe even a little sexy and have plans to go out with some friends or something like that next time you run into him. Don't let him know everything you are doing. Make him wonder a little.

Good Luck and God Bless

Old thread...might be some help:

www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum8/HTML/001594.html

I'm not a male but I can tell you what seems to perk my husband up. He wears cologne and likes to know he smells good. I also note if he is wearing a color I like. I admire his skill at doing his hobbies, note that he has a good memory for certain things. Kinda have to look for strengths that you see and then comment on him, hopefully this will lead to more evident behaviors that you note that you like.

Luci

Right now, my what my WW says to me in admiration has little to no effect. I guess the reaction depends on the state of mind of the guy. I think the biggest connection to a guy is the affection and the SF, but maybe I am confusing this with my own EN's. Pull out from your memory banks what worked the best when things were good and do that. You know him better than all of us put together.

I am having trouble believing that there is anything to admire about a H who continues to openly betray a W. The admiration You deserve from your H is being doled out to the OW.
Your compliments will probably serve to boost his ego, as will compliments from the OW. He will bathe in the attention that he receives from each of you.
His decision to carry on a R with an OW should be shamed, not admired.

Although Steve is the psychologist, and I am not, I thought I'd toss my opinion in here.

Just as most women have motherly instincts, I think the male has a provide, protect, and conquer instinct.

It is with these that I can see where admiration is a big player in the LB$ of men. At least for me. If I were to fill out an ENQ, admiration would be #1.

In the sense of "admiration" to me, that means being thankful for what I have provided, and what I have went through to provide that. Admire me for placing my M at the top of the heap. Admire me for wanting my WW to have EVERYTHING she needed, and wanted. Admire me for what I have done, even the little things, to try to make our M successful.

In other words, to me admiration means more along the lines of appreciation than it does of looks, beauty, etc. So....I think.....when you show "admiration" for the man you love, you have in essence fulfilled 2 EN's at once. Hence the big LB$ deposits.

hcii

I have found this admiration demostrations useful, (admiration is one of the highest EN's of my xWH):

-Admire his capacity to be a good provider.
-Admire his physical strength.
-Admire his capacity to make you feel protected from threats.
-Admire his skill in whatever hobby he is into.
-Admire his character (I normally make it clear I am proud for the complete change he has made on himself since dd#3)

He is handsome and very sexy to me so I let him know very often. I am also big on flirting and he enjoys the attention, overall when I play "I want you, now I don't, no I do" very fast, he knows I am playing and he enjoys that. I am playful by nature <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Hi WO, After talking with you that one night... I still feel so much more like I know you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Call me again sometime if the discount is on!

Anyway.. big, big need of my H.... admiration.

He likes it when I tell him... I am proud of him, he is a hard worker, he is a good provider.. oh- how smart he is... he is handsome, sxy, etc... all of those admiring things he is.... BLECh... I know it is hard to admire when they are a fool..

Maybe remember what you admired when you were in total love... and admire that... find his sincere good pts he still has now though.. not those that are now missing, if you know what I mean.

I really think these weak men do this with ow.. b/c they want someone to think they are all that! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Act like he is... fake it till you make it!

Off to my weight watchers meeting, working on the attractiveness need... but for me too! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> I know you have already got that one going! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Honey

Hey thanx once again for all ya help, I will write a list & work from that.
H never said that my weight was a LB for him but I am thinking that it may have been anyway I joined WW (weight watchers not wandering wives silly!) last October & have now lost 70lbs YEEHA! & not to get to big headed here BUT I LOOK GREAT!! trendy haircut coloured copper red very trendy & getting loads of comments as to how good i look, so when I can get over my fear of heights I will start shouting it from the roof tops. Well only another 30lbs to go & I shall be at my goal have started back at the gym & am also trying to stop smoking (have the nicotine patches) In fact last week when H was here he seemed very suprised that I was going to give up smoking & my guess is that now all this crap has finally come out he will be expecting that I can't because of the stress of finding this out anyway by the big sporting event this weekend I shall be smoke free (am also doing it for me as it's making me feel bad...
I really feel that my H & I seperating was the only way that I was ever going to have the chance to get this OW out of our lives my staying there being unhappy about the "friendship" was only putting me in a bad light & allowing her to move into my territory which she now has free reign over I am also begining to see who my real friends are in all of this. It truly has been a learning experience for me & which ever way things turn out I will be all the better having learnt so much about relationships & what it takes to make them work.
Honey I sure will ring ya if ever there are any more international specials on..Chin up everyone... Stuff the roller coaster lets ROCK N ROLL!!

I think hcii has some good points. A man likes being admired more for the things he has done instead of the way he looks but an occasional "You look good in that shirt" doesn't hurt. The man is naturally the bread winner and the problem solver. It is how God created us. So compliments along those lines really are nice sometimes.

Sometimes just saying thanks for something we have done is all we need to make our day.

When I filled out the EN sheet that was at the top of my list.

Do you think people think a man is to macho to want compliments? Just a thought I had.

Love in Christ
cajunky