I sent WH an accusing sms the other night. I accused him of taking our baby with him to buy OW a birthday present with a gift voucher I had given him recently. Yes - I can see you all cringing in your seats - bad Dancer, Bad Dancer. He replied that if im trying to hurt im doing a good job.

Lately I care less about how much he sees OW. The thing Im upset about is that hes getting our child involved in her life.

What is it about a mothers guard over her child?

If anyones got any suggestions as to how I can deal with this feel free.

Dancer

<small>[ August 15, 2002, 08:20 AM: Message edited by: Dancer ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dancer:
<strong>Yes - I can see you all cringing in your seats - bad Dancer, Bad Dancer.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Actually D, I was thinking of saying that "you're not perfect, none of us are, don't worry about it". [[[hugs]]]

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>What is it about a mothers guard over her child?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Nothing. Oh except that it is one of the most powerful, fulfilling and wonderful emotions there is in life. Glad to see you've got it. Your child will be stronger for it, for it is a gift of yours to them. I have first hand a partner who's Mother did not guard <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Now sensibly try and take care of yourself, leave them to it. Focus on you and your child and stay well. Do nothing rash. [[[hugs]]]

Ben.

Thanks Ben - I like that name - very powerful.
I wont do anything rash - tonight - kidding! Im off to bed now to talk some more to God about it. Why do I care so much about it sometimes and not others? What motivates it? Warfare? bitterness?

Feeling much better.
But still open to more ideas.

Stinky Gigglebuns
(Dancer)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Dancer:
<strong>Why do I care so much about it sometimes and not others? What motivates it? Warfare? bitterness?</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well we are up and down beings. I'm sure when you're feeling confident in yourself you don't worry about it but when you're low you do. Bit like riding a wave, you go up and are OK and come down and are not, repeat ad nauseum.

We all succomb to feelings of bitterness, panic, hate and we have to get thru them. I am trying to focus on them as they occur and say to myself this is a passing emotion that will go in time as I heal and recover. These painful feelings are there to highlight when I am low and need support, and also to show (once they're gone) that I am healing.

I often wonder perhaps how it would be if I didn't feel at all for my WS...? That I just did not care. To me caring shows I'm alive...

Ben.

Dear Stinky ...

Yes ... I think you're correct. let go, let ____ , you know the rest !

HEY ! Lookie there ---> Do you see it? There is a weather change brewing over you ... it is:

*peace and patience raining upon your head*

Go outside and lookup into the sky, and as you tilt your head back... open your mouth... ...allow those peace and patience blessings to tickle your tongue.... very refreshing.

(((HUGS)))

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

HI- WS exposing my kids to OWs and his new current lifestyle makes me want to throw up... OK, now lets forget them... do what you can to keep your child away from ow. It is the best we can do, is all that we can do. If your child is very young, likely your child will not remember this bad period.. after your H hopefully regains his senses. Sorry you are suffering, I am here thinking of you.

let go and be a t peace, do not judge- let go and let God take care of it.

Hugs, H

Thanx RM - why is it I KNOW these patterns and HOW to handle them, but seem to forget it at the time? I wrote down some invaluable stuff on the grief process, now where is it? Well, when I find it Im writing it up on the wall.

Pepper (or is that, DR PEPPER?) - your forcast was correct, peace and patience shining brightly today thanx. How DO you do it?

Honey - my little lamb is nearly one.
Stinky

<small>[ August 15, 2002, 08:22 AM: Message edited by: Dancer ]</small>

Dancer,

I do not think the baby really knows what is going on. I used to get the same feelings myself, protective daddy I guess, until I realized that WW was committed to OM heart, soul, and body (I had a small piece of her mind). They were planning to get married and had all intentions to get married. I owned my situation and realized that even my two year old (who used to call him uncle OM) had no clue. If the A did not die, they would soon be married and uncle OM would be dady OM. This made me realize the reason I was mad had nothing to do with being protective but with being selfish. I wanted my son to only like and love me, and now, there was a potential Other Dad.

Just my feelings.

Dreamland
Yes, a part of this is selfish. Its true I certainly do not want my S liking her, and I think thats ok to feel that way.I know that many on MB have to deal with their WS marrying the OP and having children involved. Im concerned they may remain like 'this' (we're only friends business) for a long time and it is NOT the value I want passed on to my son.

Dancer

<small>[ August 15, 2002, 08:27 AM: Message edited by: Dancer ]</small>