I am wanting opinions of other people. I have been married for 31 years and up to the last 6 months our marriage has been a good one. I had gastric by-pass surgery in Jan. to loose weight because of health reasons. I have lost 90lbs so far. My husband comes off as a macho man,but really he is insure because of the his family life as a child. Mother always gave him material things but no love. I noticed a difference in my husband these last few months and just over looked things thinking it was me looking for things to see. My husband has always called me little pet names like Darling, Lovely Lady and always walking by and patting me on the should or reaching down and giving me a kiss and things like that. This summer that has stopped. A couple we camp with for the last 4 years and see ever weekend almost, his wife suddenly got to be called Darling and lovely lady and I got no kisses or patting or nothing. I still overlooked this thinking it was me looking for things to get nuts over. It wasn't until we went to an anniversary party for this couple (which we put on) that I realized that there was a problem. I got a picture from a freind which was of me dancing with my 12 year old grandson, and in the back ground was my husband and this friend of ours dancing. Now all night I set with another friend from out of town and no once did my husband ask me to dance and I just thought he was being the host of the evening. I danced with grandsons and such. In this picture was the two of the face to face and belly to belly, her arms locked around his neck and his arms around her waist. The way two people in love dance. I finally started thinking about what was going on and ask him if there was something between him and this woman. Of course just friends. We discussed the issue at great length for 3 weeks. All the time he was telling no he only loved me and there was no feelings between them. I ask him why he quit treating me the way he had always done, and he didn't realize he had done so.
Now my question is: Should we continue a friendly realtionship with this couple or break all ties. The other couple know about this and they say they could see nothing wrong with them dancing like that, that we are close friends. The woman says she has no feeling for my husband and didn't want it to come off that way.
I am just worried that if we go back to our campers which are side by side that these feeling will flare up again. I am so scared even though my husband said he would start showing me the old feelings again, and he has, but hasn't spent time with these people in the last 3 weeks either. I don't know what to do. Everyone that knows us says he loves me and I am all he talks about when he is away from me. I have never seen my husband act like this is all the time we have been together. I also realize that maybe he was getting scared with my weight loss and thought that I would leave when I got skinny, he has ask me that several times in the last few months. He did say the other night that some guy he worked with told him of two other women that lost weight and now are divorced. Maybe he was proving to himself he still had. He is 50 now. Would appreciate any response on this subject.
Huggy

Huggy,

One thing that I have learned the hard way is to NEVER ignore my gut instincts and it sounds like you have some strong feelings here [and good evidence]. The bad thing is that you probably don't have all of the facts needed in order to make a correct decision about ending contact with this couple. That puts you in a bad spot because with information being withheld from you, it makes you look like the bad guy. For me, I would just tell your H that you no longer feel comfortable socializing with this couple and want to cool those ties. That is reason enough to end contact. Dont' let anyone try to tell you that you are crazy, you don't have to justify yourself.

In the meantime, I think you are right in suspecting there is a deeper problem in your marriage. This is only a symptom of other problems and while you have nipped this dalliance in the bud, it will happen again if his needs are not identified and met. So, please read everything you can on this website and consider getting into some counseling that focuses on MB principles. Maybe that will help him open up to you.

Thanks for your input on this. But if I tell him I don't want to be friends with these people then I am still the bad guy. I do think he has some issues to deal with as far as she is concerned, and don't think he wants to be honest with me because he is affraid it will hurt me knowing these things. He doesn't realize how much he has hurt me anyways. I have tried telling him everything that I have read on this site and some others, but still thinks he can manage this on his own. I guess time will tell. All I can do his meet his every need as his wife and if it happens or continues while he is around her we will just deal with it then. He has been his old self the last couple of weeks here at home and when these people stopped by I noticed he wouldn't even look at her, he said it was because he didn't want me to think anything was going to happen. I think he couldn't because he is trying to control his feelings and didn't want anything to happen to cause me any more worry. I don't really think he can control this for very long when he is around her. She is not happy in her own marriage by the things she has told me over the last 4 years.
Thanks again.
Huggy