Brief update:

Married 13 years
Dday 3/5/02
I moved 4/2/02
Separated Plan-A

WW saying the same stuff - I want to rebuild but dont know. Last night, she rewrote history, told me all the things she did not like about our M. I listened and let her get a lot of feelings out. No lbs. I know time & patience is the key. WW filed for child support even tho I have been giving her more amount the schedule would require me to pay with my 50/50 children args with her. I told her yesterday that I would file for legal separation so we can have some solid structure in our separation. WW was ok with that. I ,on the other hand, is waffling about to do the legal separation or straight to D. I know my WW , she will sit on this fence for a long time and Im prepared to go either way with this. I believe 3 months ago, the OM moved back home out of state with his W, and I dont know if my W is waiting for him or waiting for her feelings for our M improve. I told her I dont know how her feelings for our M would change if WE dont try, but she is not ready to try.

The legal separation are being prepared. Has anyone went through that process that can share some thoughts?

Any help or comments will be appreciated

Take care.

LiveAnew,

DO you know the name of OM ? .. which state he goes to ? ... check it up ... contact OMW. Call her up w/ prepared script. Explain who you are and let her know that is it in her best interest that you could rebuild your M rather than having the possibilities of your W chasing him again. Also snoop on your phone# ... see if there is contact. Meanwhile ... please proceed to protect yourself.

-RH-

Thanks Redhat! Hope you are having fun.

Ya I know M/OM's name and phone #, but I so far decided not to call. I don't know if he is calling my WW but I do know in the last 2 months, my WW called him a total of 3x. The M/OM emailed my WW 4x in the last 2 months. So I know there is a tremendous drop in contact, thus I decided not to rock that boat to see if contacts would end on its own.

You see, here is the situation: The M/OM was in town for 3 months, had an EA/PA with my WW. I feel they knew both of them were M and never had REAL intentions of breaking off their Ms. Unfortunately, I found out about their A in March - did a plan A. And in April, read an email from the M/OM to my WW, blew my mind and I moved out. I could not deal with it. I felt I had too much pride/self respect. Also financials were not an issue- I just felt i had to "get out" at the time.

The move was good and bad. Good it gave me space, room for my WW to breathe. Cleared my head that I got out of seeing the deception/lies of the A. Bad it took 50% of the kids time and also the future custody issue.

Well, a week after I moved out - the M/OM went back to his W out of state. My W is not calling him, but I dont know how much he is calling my WW. I don't believe it to be frequent. Knowing most OM, they are after the PA not the EA.

My main goal at this point is getting joint 50/50 with the children. If we are able to make the M would be a plus and if not Im ready to move on. WW know this, but she is not ready to make a decision, I wont beg or push her. My lb$$ is taking a hit daily as I connect with myself more and more. I am filing for leg. sep. to get some structure with the kids since WW agreed to Jt 50/50, i dont want her to change her mind in the future.

Still think I should call the OM W?

Any comments

LiveAnew,

If your goal is to get 50% coustody, you are in a good state. CA belives w/ 50-50 (co-parenting)then it is the other party to prove it otherwise. I would not too much worry about it. Now if you still want WW back ... you need to know what is OM & WW 's plan. If there is none then you action might push her more. Call me tonight ... I will reply to your email addy. check it up. Does OMw know about this A ?.

-RH-

Hi RH,

I dont know if the OMw know. But now I know since my WW is not contacting the OM, should I still make contact with OMw? or just let the A run its natural death?

Also, I didnt call you last night- I been busy supporting my bf with funeral stuff, his mom just pasted away.

I will buzz you this weekend tho.

Thanks

Hi Liveanew,

Well how about this....... give her a list of things to do. In other words, make her do the sep or D work. Then she won't have to keep herself on the fence. She will have job to do (filling out paperwork) and it may help her decide.

When the WS babbled to me about sep or D stuff and the OW was giving him the 5 easiest ways to do so (remember we are in CA also), then I told him to go ahead and get it. I did not volunteer and when he tried to urk me into doing it for him, I gave it back and told him sure.......go do the paperwork and I'll sign. I just didn't say what I would sign nor when but in the fog, it still sounds like a pretty good answer. See I was getting the hang of how to babble back.

Well the next stupid response I got was that the WS said it was too hard to do the D paperwork. Now why is that? In CA, it is very easy to do. But the real reason was that the OW was pushing the D and I was pushing responsibility of the D ( I was prepared to hit him for all I was entitled to - plan B and a touch of D). Oh yea something about not wanting anyone to tell him what to do.

Well that one worked in the family's favor and to the demise of the A and the OW. Then she found some choice words to call me that I can not repeat here. Safe to say the WS started seeing the OW for the witch that she is and pulled away. However the PA took a while to break......... not that she had a great body but the A attraction is addictive and just plain ol' took a while. Well the nutso PBR used that time to claim 2 more pregos (that would have been a freak of nature but she did claim it). Then when she was asked to prove it, poof! No more prego.

See again, I learned how to babble and call their bluffs. But I had to be prepared to take a few hits also.

So you ask if you should contact the OM's W? Well you would need to decide what the real reasons vs the real worth. Write it down if you must then ask, would I want to be told even if it was dying? Hm.........

JMHO,
L.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LiveAnew:
<strong>Hi RH,

I dont know if the OMw know. But now I know since my WW is not contacting the OM, should I still make contact with OMw? or just let the A run its natural death?

Also, I didnt call you last night- I been busy supporting my bf with funeral stuff, his mom just pasted away.

I will buzz you this weekend tho.

Thanks</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If you are sure that there is no contact ... keep your option of contacting OMw under your sleves. The purpose of contacting is to expose it and also to see if they have a plan.

Waiting for your call ... -RH-

Thanks my friends.

Im doing much better now that I have a plan for custody. I have also detached myself from my WW infidelity. Knowing I did not cause it, can not control it or fix it helps me to understand the best thing for me was to detach. I believe I have reach the acceptance stage. Its a feeling that I don't care if the M works or not.