I kept telling myself I was going to be strong, and not cry. And what did I do, the first word that came out of his mouth and accusatory, and I started bawling! We went to a restaurant so we could be away from the kids, and I cried during the entire conversation we had. He kept telling me what I'd done wrong in the marriage, which resulted in me lb'ing . At one point WH said, well, I thought there might be a chance for our marriage, but now I'm sure there's not with the way you're acting.

Oh guys, I've been crying ever since. I love him so, but I have to let him go. I got so upset at one thing he said about me that I pulled off my wedding band, and said "This is not a marriage that we have !! When you are ready to work on our marriage, you can give me the ring back and we'll talk. Now I really want my ring back and I want to call him and tell him to bring it back to me! I'm sitting here crying.
WHy is this so hard?
Now I've got to pick up the Plan B again, and be serious about it.
KK

KK...so sorry things went badly. Don't feel too bad, we all break down and blow it. This is a very difficult thing to do what we're trying to do, and nobody can say they were flawless.

Pick it up again, dust yourself off, and back to work again it is! You can do it!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

KK its OK

Ive heard that 'well I was thinking about coming back but now after how youre acting I dont think so' routine a couple of times. The sad thing is, he was thinking about it, but can you imagine what it would be like to live like you have to be perfect everyday or else? Its a threat, you be a good girl and I'll let you have me. Gee, wow, thanks.

Id message somehow, not verbally, that you want the ring back. BREIFLY explain you did what you did in the heat of the moment.

Hope it goes well,

Dancer
(Stinky)

(((((((((((KK))))))))))

You were ready to talk, but not be with him. And if he was accusatory, he was not ready either. Very not ready. He wanted to air all the laundry, not reconcile, he's not ready.

Sorry, so sorry for the pain, you had some hopes and expectations from the meeting, and ....

I think, it was just to early Plan B from only July 7th??. It hurt you very much, but I think giving him the ring was a very strong signal......you are serious!!!!

I see where you where upset, but could STILL see the convo being nothing different from before and took action. You kept going, did not stop, the convo took a turn you did not want, and i think inside of you something was saying, "there has been no change" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

If you think about it, did the either of you do anything different? He said he thought there may be a chance, but not the way the both of you (really) were acting, the same as before.

Sure, there may have been more emotional reacting instead of cool headed thinking. Cool headed thinking would have had you get up and leave. But the final conclusion of how serious you are would not have hit him until much later, if at all.

You told him by action, YOU WILL NOT PUT UP WITH IT, You told him he can give the ring back when he is serious. You said this in the Plan B letter, I think he did not believe you. Now......

He now has the thinking to do, and his mind is probably very busy right now.

It hurts, I know, sometimes I wish someone (her) had just died instead, then you could just get on with life....

Praying for you

DRS

hi kk, sorry about the ring... been there, done that. I did not do it this time, but in the past in my marriage I took it off for other reasons... I stopped wearing mine when I thought everyone that knew me would think I was crazy..... it is in my jewelry box....
I am sorry it is so hard.

I know... I found some awful pics on the web today, one at least of the maid... hot for jim is the highlight. I am so so sorry, these men have lost their minds.

Honey

Spacecase,
Your answer made me feel better. I CAN do this, I CAN do this!!!! (with a little help from my friends)!

Dancer,
I'm glad to know it was the "fog" talking and other WS have done the same thing. I have let him know that I want my ring back, he's coming to get more of his stuff, and maybe he'll leave it for me then.

DSR,
Yes, it was way too soon to talk (since July 7). I'm really serious about Plan B now, because NOW I see the necessity of it. And if anyone wants me to explain further how it helps, I will do that. It's terrible when you have to say that NOT seeing your spouse feels so much better than being with them.

Honey,
As always, your sweet reply touched me. You know the pain I'm going through. This group of people here is a lifesaver to me!!
Take care everyone. I'll let you know how things go.
KK

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by kk2002:
<strong>I....... He kept telling me what I'd done wrong in the marriage, which resulted in me lb'ing . At one point WH said, well, I thought there might be a chance for our marriage, but now I'm sure there's not with the way you're acting..........

Now I've got to pick up the Plan B again, and be serious about it.
KK</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dear KK,

I am sorry you are in such pain. When they babble that stuff about trying but it not working, it is a ploy to put the guilt on you.

Now I ask you to dig deep back and recall what he has done. Then keep that in your mind as you execute plan B.

About the ring. Well you gave it to him and you may need to resign to the fact that you may never see it again. If so, then move forward. Can you get yourself another piece of jewelry not to replace your wedding ring but to be able to have another valuable piece of jewelry to focus on.

I don't wear my wedding band because I have a nerve rash on my hand that made my fingers swell. H gave me a diamond ring for our 5 year anniversary but it looks more like an engagement ring so that is what I wear now.

While I understand that rings are cherished and symbolic items the real thing that touches our hearts is a good spouse. Right now he is not there. If push came to shove you could always get another ring but the good spouse is up to him.

So let him remember that he pushed you to that point of taking off your ring but don't let that experience stop you from moving forward.

It will be hard but it will help you heal.

Hugz,
L.

Thanks L.!
You are so full of wisdom, I just wish I knew half the stuff you know!
I've got to learn to detach from him, how do I do that?
I'm going to have to go through seeing him several more times until the kids and I move (Aug. 9), and I pray I will have strength.
KK

(((((kk))))))

So sorry for your pain, you have been very strong and plan B is no fun. I went to plan B just after you and I think I would do the same thing as you if H wanted to talk. I know I'm still very fragile and if he rang me now I'd be very tempted not to answer.

I think you may have got your hopes up. I think Orchid is right and he is trying to put the guilt back on you. Remember KK, its his issue now, you've done your plan A its up to him now to grow up and take some responsibility for your marriage.

I don't know what you should do re your ring. If it were me I would not ask for it back to show I'm serious.

Re letting go. Ask God for help KK, accept that you are struggling and hand the situation over to God. I don't know that there is any other way and it takes constant effort. Somehow, I just don't think any of this is meant to be easy.

Please tell us more about how you feel. You said you know now why plan B is important - I'd like to know what you are thinking, please.

Seahorse,
Thanks SO much for your encouragement. You are precious! I am going to God, and I do feel his presence. I had a group of friends anoint me and pray over me and my marriage the other night, and it was awesome. The support group I have around me is great. But this board is what really helps, because you all know how I feel.

About the Plan B. It is so important because it is about the BS, not the WS. It releases the WS, it frees them to go and do what they have to do, hopefully get it out of their system. But, it's okay, because the BS doesn't have to deal with it anymore, the wondering and the worrying. That's when you can let it go, and let God have it. Plan B protects our feelings, allows us to grow, and finally see a life without the wayward spouse. Does that make sense? It helps me feel more in control. In plan A, and the other night also for me, the WS could still push our buttons, and accuse and criticize us. Now, we don't have to hear that cr*p, and internalize it like I have so often.

And that's how I feel. The end.
KK
Hope that helped a bit.

It seems to me that you put the ball back in his court. Give him time to think about what he will do and let God do the rest. He is the only one that knows what is best for you. With my 1st marriage I did everything to keep the marriage together and all he wanted to do is drink and run with other women. I did all I could do and he never did think I would get a divorce with 3 little kids, but I did and supported them and me too. I have been married the second time to wonderful man that excepted my 3 kids as his own and we had two more. Giving him the ring back made you serious. Let him stew for awhile. Be strong. I know it is hard and I will keep saying prayers for you and husband for it to work out for the best for the both of you.
We don't always know what is best at the time but someone does and he will take care of it if you let him, the problem is we are thaught to take care of our own problems and that is when we get into trouble. Let God have it and handle it. I am glad you have friends to step in and help you.
Keep the faith.
huggy

Thanks Huggy,
It's good to hear the other kind of success stories! I know that God is in control and I want him to handle things for me. You are so right that when we try to handle our own problems, that's when we get into trouble.

I'm glad to hear that you are being treated well.
Your reply cheered me up.
KK