It is looking doubtful that my H and I are going to reconcile. I need to talk to a lawyer. I live in Canada. Yellow pages?

What kinds of questions should I ask when choosing a lawyer?

Jen

Hi Jen, sorry you've reached the point that you are going to be needing a lawyer. When I looked for one, I went to my clergy for advice. Although he couldn't give me one specific name, he obtained several for me to choose one. I looked those names up on the internet in the register for lawyers and that gave me some clue as to the kind of experience the lawyers had and so on.

Hope that helps and good luck. Take care.

Hi Jen...

Sorry I haven't been able to keep up with your story lately... why the belief it's lawyer time?? ARE YOU SURE?? Just when I thought it was maybe going to be lawyer time, things are a changin' - but only after about 11 months... yikes.

Well, my H and I have been on separate vacations for the past 3 weeks. He came home one week before me. I got home today to an empty house. I called and left a message saying when I'd be home, and based on checking the incoming calls, he was here within an hour before I arrived and then left to avoid me. Also, he has moved into the downstairs bedroom in a more permanent way - he's moved his toiletries all into the basement bathroom, and his clothes into the closet.

I just want to know what my rights are and if some of the supposed facts my husband has told me are true. For example, is it true that he could have a divorce tomorrow because he has proof (the sheets that were on the bed)that I was unfaithful? Is it really legal separation if he lives in the basement and I live upstairs? If I move out of the house for my own sanity (it's so hard being around him when I can't treat him like he's my H, and when he's being mean to me), does that "9/10ths of the law is possession" rule apply? (Am I kissing my rights to the house goodbye if I move out?) I know my H has consulted a lawyer, I figure I might as well check with one too to know what I'm up against.

But I'm going to be breaching the MB total honesty policy on this one - I don't want my H to know I'm smart enough to check with a lawyer. I prefer for him to continue to think I'm really quite unaware of my rights.

I still love him dearly and pray we can work things out, but I figure prepare for the worst and be pleasantly surprised if things turn out well.

So, that's why I'm considering consulting a lawyer.

Hopefully my H will come home tonight and I won't have to be left hanging and wondering even longer about whether he's made any reconsiderations about our marriage while we were apart. I haven't talked to him in just about a month.

Jen

I went the yellow pages route today. Most lawyers charge a fee of 100-150 dollars for an initial consultation. However, I found one that gives a FREE half hour first consultation, and made an appointment with him for next week.

However, I still would like to know if any of you have suggestions for questions I should ask. I plan to go in with a list.

My H did come home last night, late, and started out being mean again, but then said he couldn't promise me anything, but wanted to sleep next to me in our bed last night, so we did. By this morning he was minimally communicative again, and has been out all day. I still really don't know where we are at.

So again, any suggestions for questions I should be asking a divorce lawyer?

Jen

Tell the lawyer the situation, and what brought you two to this point. Be brief, since the first 1/2 hour is free. Ask about the sheets, ask about infidelity and how that affects the rights of the WS. Ask how it affects property settlement. I know there is a poster out here, who lives in VA, he states in VA, if the BS has sex with the WS, that indicates forgiveness of the A, and invalidates all claims of infidelity. If infidelity is a factor in divorce, ask, under what circumstances can claims of infidelity be invalidated.

I personally don't find anything wrong with asking questions of a lawyer. Getting information regarding your rights is not the same as filing and then, "surprise" they get served.

His wanting to sleep in the same bed with you, do you think this might be a positive sign on his part towards your M?

I don't know about Canada, but I do know in MN, this is a no fault state. My H, can have a million A's and it does not matter. The division is the same.

Hi, I am a legal assistant working in Ontario, if you would like some general advice (on how to find a lawyer, etc) please e mail me at Lyndy666@yahoo,ca and I will try to link you up as best I can. Best wishes and good luck

Sue - thanks for the suggestions. I really do wonder if my H having sex with me means legally he's forgiven me. BU, do I need some sort of physical proof that he's been having sex with me? (I mean, how on earth do I prove that? He could just say I'm lying.) We certainly have had sex, on at least 3 occasions. We've spent 2 entire nights together in the same bed as well. I definitely take that as a positive sign, even though he hasn't verbalized any commitment to me again otherwise. I figure maybe he's in a "fog" like many people say the WS goes through. I'm just not a typical WS I guess. I want nothing more to do with the OM, and want to rebuild my marriage, yet my H is the one who continues to claim we (probably) can't work it out.

Lyndy - thanks for the offer, I just sent you an email! I'll look forward to hearing from you soon.

If anyone else has more suggestions for things to ask the lawyer, please post them!

Jen

bump

I'm going to see a lawyer tomorrow. Any last minute suggestions for questions I should ask? I only get 30 minutes for free.

Jen

Jen,
I also believe it's better to be prepared and know what to expect by consulting a lawyer than to be caught off guard...some resources you might want to check out are: divorce source , divorcenet , and divorceinfo. They all have a section on what to expect when you talk to a lawyer, etc. so even if you live in Canada, it may give you some ideas on questions. For Canadian law, you may try this link: Access to Justice Network.

I feel that seeing a lawyer doesn't necessarily mean you want a divorce, it means you're being smart and educating yourself.

Hopefully your H will see that you're serious about your marriage and come around VERY soon! Good luck to you!

avondale - thanks for the links. The last one is chock full of useful information!! Very helpful!!

Jen

Good luck to you. Hopefully you won't need the lawyer. I don't have any other suggestions or questions. Decide before you go, what is the most important issues and get those out of the way first, then proceed to the lesser important issues. Go in with a list, that way you won't forget anything.