This is so funny I laughed for five minutes... last Friday when H and I had a fight because he half-a$$ed repairs at the house, he kept asking me "am I a carpenter?"

WHICH WOULD U CHOOSE? CAKE OR BED?????

A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS,

HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW.

HE LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY; FIX THE LIGHT, NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

THE WIFE ASKS, WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT. TO WHICH HE REPLIED, FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE WESTINGHOUSE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

FINE, SHE SAYS THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK. I'M NOT A CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX STEPS, HE SAYS. DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE ACE HARDWARE WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO.

I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!
SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE OF HOURS. HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT.

AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED.
AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING.
AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

HONEY, HE ASKS, HOW'D ALL THIS GET FIXED?
SHE SAID, WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE.

HE SAID, SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?

SHE REPLIED, HELLOOOOO.......DO YOU SEE BETTY CROCKER WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO!

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

<small>[ August 01, 2002, 10:48 AM: Message edited by: Jelly Girl ]</small>

My apologies if anyone found this upsetting or offensive... I'll be glad to take it down if that's the general consensus...

Sorry. The carpenter thing got me laughing so much that it didn't occur to me until just now that this might not be so funny to everyone.

It's a joke, JG...I think everyone understands that <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Thats funny.

OK, since that flew, I got one too.

Husband comes home and finds best friend in bed with his wife. So he headlocks the friend, drags him down the stairs, out the back door and into the shed out back. There he takes his friends "thing", puts it in a vise and clamps down on it hard. He then breaks off the handle.

THe husband is standing in the shed looking around and finally finds the hacksaw. He went and grabbed it and turned around, walking back towards his friend, the friend pleads, "you aren't goin to cut off my "thing" are you?"

The husband replies "NO," as he hands the saw to his friend "YOU ARE, I'm starting the shed on fire!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

wwl

<small>[ August 01, 2002, 09:39 PM: Message edited by: wrestlingwithlove ]</small>

I got this one in an email, but it really makes you think - and appreciate the MANY things a woman does around the house. Husbands - respect and appreciate what your wife does when you're off 'working'... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

One afternoon a man came home from work to find total mayhem in his
house.
His three children were outside, still in their pajamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front
yard.
> > The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house.
> > Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been
> > knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall. In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door. He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He
was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He found her lounging in the bedroom, still curled in the bed in her pajamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?"
> > She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
> >
> > Send this to another woman.

LDB,

That was a good one. I am printing it up and sending it out.

wwl