I found out by accident Monday that my WW had an appt with an attorney. She doesn't know that I know about this.

I went and saw an attorney today. WW has threatened to take the boys and move out of state with them 1800 miles away. If I want to prevent this I have to file a petition for divorce and a stop order so that she can't leave. I am considering moving back in our home after being gone for the last 6-7 wks. If I do she will throw this threat in my face again. I would have to move in and file this petition within a few days of my moving back in. This would protect my custody rights if she goes ahead with divorce.

I know this could and will be ugly. I don't see it as an option if I don't want her to continue to hold this over my head. I also think that if I'm living in our house that she will not continue to have OM over.

Need some input. I am stressing over this and probably won't make any moves for about the next 7-10 days. At that time I will have the chance to calm down (saw OM pull back his car into our driveway last night at 11pm). I will have seen my counselor again and I have an appt with another attorney next Thursday. She is supposed to be tough.

Thank you and God Bless.

This is a bogus action on her part. I hate so much when people use their kids like that. Urgh! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Ok, now that that is said. Check with the attorney and see if a legal separation would prevent her from leaving the state. I believe in a separation you can also have a clause about co-habitation and having the children around OM until a divorce is filed and final. Check into it.

However, if your only alternative is to move back and file, then I would say to do it. Your boys need their father as well as their mother and she should not use them to control you. That is not in their best interests at all. Plus, your boys are old enough to understand what is happening and this could hurt them more than she is giving credit to.

I would say have the papers drawn up. Move back in on a Friday and have the papers scheduled to be filed Monday. That should cover your time periods. If she wants to leave, let her, but keep your boys. She can abandon you guys. I'm sorry this sounds so brutal, but I think she is being selfish, childish and I hate the fact that she isn't even considering what is good for her boys. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Anyhow, I'm not sure how much this will help, but I do wish you the best and hope that things work out amicably.

Biscayne,

My heart goes out to you. I've been following your story and I agree that you should move home. I wouldn't want anyone my spouse was involved with to be around my children...especially in my own home! You are nicer than I, I would have pulled my car into the driveway so he couldn't leave and had a discussion with the man. Is he married? If so, does his wife know about this relationship?

What did your attorney say about moving home? With no job, it'll be easier for her to leave with the children that is if she has support elsewhere...like her parents or family members. All the while, I doubt she would leave om while she's still in the fog. Do you think it's just idle threats?

You know this relationship is most likely doomed to fail...do you want this man around your children? Do you want him to be a role model for them? I know I sure wouldn't.

I told my H that I would leave with my daughter before I would ever let her be around psycho xow. At the time he couldn't understand it but he sure does now! He can't believe what all he did, believed, and the pile of garbage he thought was the most wonderful person on earth! He couldn't think through the fog and I suspect your wife can't either or she wouldn't have this man around your children.

By living somewhere else yet supporting your family, you're making it easy for them...and making it so much harder on yourself. Go home!

Biscayne... if you haven't already... you might post this on the Divorce Board... many people there have gone through or are going through what you are experiencing and will give you their sage advice.

I don't have experience in this stuff. Good luck.

Cali

Bis,

I can't say it enough -- GO HOME!!!

BEFORE you do, please take a "deep look" at your emotions and your demeanor. Make sure you can go home without creating chaos for your family and for yourself. I agree with everyone else here that he will most likely not go there with you there. This is a "boundary" they have crossed and they should NOT be doing this. Can you be sure they (he) is not taunting you only to get you upset with anger so you'll do something stupid??? It is 100% possible!

As far as attorney's go, in most cases they are great and they're worth their money. Double check the filing for D thing. Filing puts a whole bunch of weight to officially end the M because "you made the move first." Use the knowledge they give you and make YOUR OWN educated decision based on what you want to have happen in your M. Personally, I hate divorce attorneys only because they are standing near a "small fire" with a full can of gas just waiting to be the hero and pull you out. "Tough" is not what you need right now (they have bigger gas cans).

Biscayne, I've been following your story as many others here have done. I know and almost everyone here knows all to well the HORROR that you are living right now at this very minute. Your moving back home will only destory their plans (it doesn't matter what they are) so of course she will use threats and anything else she can -- As Harley puts it, "How dare YOU!!!!

Moving back has to be handled delicately with no demands or anger (on your part). Just go back and setup a cot in the kitchen like you said before! But NO CONFRONTATION and stay separated as much as possible in the house. She feels threatened by you right now. Set "boundaries," such as a room you will not enter when she needs time and also no phone calls to / from him on the property, and of course he cannot come there. Looking back to my expierence, my WW looked pretty stupid SITTING ON A CHAIR ON THE STREET talking on a cell phone to you know who. A boundary that had to be set and I was quite shocked that she actually respected it after a day or so. The hard part was when I began speaking to her I said, "I would appreciate ---." No anger, No demands! Help her feel secure and protected, then, after some days (or even weeks) you can ease into the "hard work" of conversation. STAY IN PLAN A as much and as hard as you can.

It's all about PLAN A!!!
IT CAN SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE!!!

MITT

Biscayne,

I think that you should file the petition for the sole reason that you have to protect your kids. Granted, it will be a lovebuster, but so is moving back in, so you may as well get it done in one fell swoop and get it over. Your first priority is to protect those kids and protect your interests. After the dust settles down [and it will], you can work on your marriage.

With you out of your home, you are basically facilitating her affair with the OM and exposing the kids to it. You really need to be home. And I know you feel pretty certain that she would move with the kids, so I vote for getting the petition. You can't sacrifice your kids in pursuit of your marriage, they come first, so take steps to make sure she won't run with them.