Hi there just recieved a text from H asking me what days I have off work next week. I know he has some papers to sign (transfers from business) Am not replying right away as I need some advise from you guys. I'm in plan A his affair with OW has now come out although they are trying to make out it was just a friendship because both marriages are now seperated (ours & OW & her H has OW they think it's ok for it to come out now. question is should i just get H to drop the papers off & pick them up when i'm not here or should i wait till i have my session with steve on mon nite??? I don't want h to think i am LB by not replying but then i also don't want to be seen to be dropping everything just because he needs something done this is the only time i ever hear from him when he wants something, I will probably run into h 2morrow nite at the bar if i do that & he asks me should i just say i didnt reply cause i don't know what my days off are?? this is a tricky one but H never had the decency to tell me about this affair I heard it from my son & we put 2 & 2 together then other people started telling me about it. I want h to think that I am getting a life for myself so he doesnt need to know what my days off are does he??????? Any ideas

Forgot to ask!! What if H brings up anything about his affair what do i say how do i react without LB do i just wish him all the best!!!@@#$

Wow that is a tough one. I think you should just send a brief, cordial email saying what you said about not knowing what your days off are.
Just leave it at that, no questions, nothing.
And be sure if you run into him at the bar to be looking upbeat and cheery.
Remember if you get tempted to LB just keep your eye on the bigger picture.
You are plan a'ing to save your marriage. If you LB and get angry, you are just fanning the flames of anger instead of rekindling the spark.
If you think you can't control it, can you take along a supportive friend or hang out somewhere else?
Hope it helped, I am very tired but wanted to get you a reply.
Good luck.
Hugs,
layli
Read my hugs for everyone post.

Well sent H a pager message back saying will get back to you & recieved one back saying he has to go into hospital next week gave me the day he was going in & the day he would be back & said his dad would have to stay with me (h hasn't told his dad that he is in a relationsip with OW now) I just sent a reply saying ok take care & that was it no reply so will keep ya posted. H didnt give details about why he had to go into hospital but my guess is (OW is a nurse) that she can't stand H snoring so is doing something about it (H can snore for england) so will wait & see if he gives any further info. My thoughts were that h is scared about going into hospital after all he didnt need to tell me that info especially when he would be back.. She often talked to H about it & told him he had sleep apnomea & that he could go into hospital for tests & she could get him in....Well am off to the bar now looking like a million dollars i might add.. catchyas all later!!!

OK went to the bar H was there on his own & was talking to a couple that have both been in other relationships, H only seems to involve himself with people like that nowadays as i guess he is looking at ways of getting OW accepted in the community. I acted happy as could be & didnt look in H direction all night walked past to go to the ladies & right as I had to walk by H with a big smile on my face H said to the couple OW & I have plenty of money (I wonder if this was said for my benifit as H told a friend last week that he didn't have much money!!) I still think h is trying to bait me into saying something but I'm really not interested in that sort of crap he can make a fool of himself if he likes but i sure won't be.
It amazes me that he can be thinking this way so early in the A I mean wouldn't you be very protective of any amount of money you had going into another relationship. This A has obviously been going on longer than he cares to admit! we have only been seperated for 8 weeks & H was trying to say they were just friends1 i was not born yesterday it's looking like H has totally lost his marbles this is a guy that was always so careful with money I find it all very hard to believe. Anyway I am just leaving them to get on with it they will eventually crash & burn it's pretty obvious to me looking at all the rash decisions H is making & guess who will be waiting there to pick up all the pieces.... won't be too long b4 OW starts to LB of that I am sure.. Any comments would be much appreciated.

Do things really happen this quickly, it all seems like H is rushing this thru thrying to gain acceptance in the community obviously talking finances with OW i am so scared that he is gonna lose his money (not that its any of my business I guess but hey i care about the guy)
It seems like he is now doing a 180 going from I will never marry again I don't want a woman in my life i ve had enough hassles was this all fog talk or is it all fog talk. I am determined not to LB & I thought that last nite in the bar I will keep my distance & let him enjoy himself (OW wasn't there) he only seems to be out on her weekends she is working she doesn't like drinking & thinks that everyone round here is an alcholic i am really confused by this & cant wait to talk to steve harley tommorow nite about this. We have gone from you know we can't live like together I am not gonna be miserable for the rest of my life yada yada yada to having an all out affair with OW has this happened to anyone else I can see i am just gonna have to sit back & watch it all unfold but at the same time keep thinking well maybe h has found happiness & maybe it will last but then i can't do anything about this so why do i ramble on...