Hi....I am the BS, only he still doesn't admit to the "friendship" going to the physical level. Of course, she has her own side of the story to tell which has lots of details.

For starters, what I do know is that he treated me horribly for 2 months, during those 2 months he took her roses for her birthday and a trip to San Antonio overnight which for 3 months he lied about until I confronted him with the bill that he said would reflect a "cancellation charge". With all this he still maintains that it was never physical....that she always wanted that, would cry when he would come to my house or talk to her about me....got mad at him when he finally cut it off to come home (which is when she made contact with me to give me all the gory details) but he insisted it was over and he wanted his marriage back.

He says that's what he always wanted. He says he never lost sight of our marriage, but he needed someone to talk to and admits that he picked the wrong person because she fell for him. But why did he have to go and give her all those false pretenses? I ask him and his answer is he was stupid...in control and liked it. Also, he was on some meds (free sample from the doctor) which he says had him feeling no emotions. I want to believe him but after he came home he still made contact with her one more time.

Can a WS really be sorry....or is he just sorry for getting caught. I know you can't speak for him but I could use some help. Things have gone really well for the past 2 months but all of a sudden I have hit a rock. I feel like the walls are just going up double-time. The best way I can describe it is that I feel like I was letting him "in" and have now "closed shop" because I am so scared of "finding out" something new.

I have been doing a bunch of LB's (ignoring, being mean) and I don't want to, but I feel like when I don't he is getting the easy deal. I know my mean streak was my fault when he left the first time so I hate to make the same mistake twice but my question is why does HE deserve this wonderfully sweet wife now?? Shouldn't he have a bigger b*itch that before?? I am so confused....I love the man....I believe him when he says he is sorry, but I believed he would never do what he did either.

Leti --
It sounds like your filled with doubt (which is TOTALLY understandable.)

You've got two stories. And both have good reason for telling you the version that they have told. OW is trying to make it worse so she can have him back. WS is trying to make it not so bad so you'll be more likely to get over it.

Does he buy into the MB principals? If he does, this is a case where radical honesty must be used. You can't get "over it" if you aren't totally sure what you're being asked to get over.

And NOW is the time to deal with it. Later is not better.

I think he is sorry. And I think you're one of the "lucky BS's" (if there is such a thing) because he is showing remorse and is willing to do what you need to recover.

Have you done a lot of reading here? Please try to read some of the emotional needs stuff. Work on finding out the needs that weren't being met for both of you. And part of the work you need to do is to DEAL with this -- if you need answers, then he needs to start talking.

Good luck Leti!

I guess my main problem is I don't believe it will end? I feel that the old saying, once a cheater, always a cheater is where we are headed. I want to give him all the credit in the world...and I do....there's been roses, romantic nights, he is with me when I vent and promises never to walk out on me again....even when I am screaming my head off in pain. I just never thought we would be here (guess noone does) and now with his choices, I HAVE to deal with it.

He has done lots of reading on this site...he even has posted once...MR. G....I know he is trying I just feel he is hiding so much of what he really felt when he was with her. I don't know how to get him to talk to me, honestly, without saying things to make me feel better or no more pain....hell, I don't know if I really want all the truth sometimes. Am I just torturing myself by asking questions? Am I pushing him to her by not bowing down and letting him get away with what he did? That's how it feels. I feel ready to make the most of what we have...no more lost time one day....then the next I am furious about all the garbage he has brought to our lives (and the children).....

Thanks for your reply....hope to hear from you again.