After two weeks of complete he**, things are calming down, mainly because I've stepped back and said I can't keep trying to control everything. Which is very hard for me to do. I felt like I was going to end up in a hospital, was having anxiety attacks, couldn't eat-just because I was obsessing about my H. and the OW. Talking to her H. and getting more worked up-and it just is not worth it. I think my H. finally came to the same conclusion, we were both at each others throats when we did see each other, and how much can you take? He did admit tonight that things were not the same between him and OW, even tho he is still talking to her, but I am not getting into that with him. He knows what he needs to do if we are to work on our marriage and I had thought about plan B, but I can't do that right now. Our two older children are very upset with him and don't want to talk to him, My D. has a 4 mos. old and they live with me, so he hadn't seen the baby, a girl, for about a month. So I went out with him and the baby so he could see her. I know this is difficult for him as well, since he is out of the house. Everything he knows is gone right now and he is alone, but I think we both needed the time away from each other. Just to think and clarify things and I know I have really thought about things hard this past week and know what I want, even tho I may not get it, I will be stronger because of all of this. I am mainly sad now, the anger is gone-most of it-I don't feed on it like I was, and the vengeful fellings. They can really make you sick-physically and mentally and I just can't live like that. So for anyone out there who is really wondering if they should give up-really search yourself and try to get rid of your own negative feelings-I know it's hard, and I guess that is where plan A comes in-which I couldn't do when he was here-it hurt too much. But now that there is some distance it's better, easier just to say I don't need to know everything-some of it you just don't need to know. Thanks for listening-these boards are great for getting a dif. perspective on things- everyone wants to try and tell me what to do with my life but it's time for me to do what is best for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> So for anyone out there who is really wondering if they should give up-really search yourself and try to get rid of your own negative feelings-I know it's hard, and I guess that is where plan A comes in-which I couldn't do when he was here-it hurt too much. But now that there is some distance it's better, easier just to say I don't need to know everything-some of it you just don't need to know. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I agree. And allowing a little more distance does give you a better chance to work on yourself. I have just accepted the fact that I am going to let the affair die a natural death. I don't want to know all the details, I cannot control them, so no reason to dwell on them.
During this time, I am trying to focus on myself and make the improvements I need to make, for me.

Going crazy, My hausband said a lot of times a decision was going to be made soon-well his decision was to move into an apt. but at least OW is 12 hrs away and she has small children and now her H. has filed so she won't be out here too much. Hope not anyway! She stands to lose a lot and I think they are both finally realizing what they have done to everyone. Even tho they are placing alot of blame on her H. for being mean having EA's etc. but it still doesn't justify what they did. I'm just trying to stay out of their mess and focus on me and my kids and friends and granddaughter, not getting into too much relationship talk. Hang in there-it's really hard tho isn't it? this is the hardest thing I've ever gone thru and sometimes I don't think I'll survive. DBD