My WW gets ticked off at me every time I back off and give her more space. During those times I purposely avoid much conversation. When necessary I talk with her, otherwise I just leave her be when I'm feeling a lot of anger toward her.

I emailed her the status of our bank acct. Telling her how much is available and how much will be coming out from the acct in the next few days.

She emailed back "is that why you're pissed off at me about, or is this the way it's going to be all the tme?)

I can't figure her out most of the time.

She feels guilty and is trying to manipulate you into molly coddling her. She wants you to say: "Oh no, I am not pissed at you at all! You have done nothing wrong!" That would assuage her guilt and allow her to continue on her merry way.

It is very common, also, for the WS to act angrily towards the BS and manufacture perceived "faults" and grievances. These manufactured greivances are used as a justification for their bad behavior.

So, just continue to be civil to her and don't let her manipulate you. A good response might be:

Dear Wife, I don't know what I could have said that would lead you to believe I am "pissed off" at you, but am only trying to convey the status of our bank account. Have a nice day. Biscayne

Yup, pretty typical.

She wants to believe what she did wasn't all that significant. It's UNBELIEVABLE how little a WS "feels" for the BS's feelings after a betrayal. I had no idea either...so I fall in to the unfortunate category. In my mind the betrayal was ONE thing and our marital problems were another. So when we'd talk about one the other wasn't even in my thoughts.

I've come to believe that WS MUST go through specific phases... and so no matter what you do during their "anger" phase, you can't win, and will have to endure it.

I think that way because I see our WW's reacting differently to "backing off". For me right now, when I do so, she generally tries to be nice - or rather it's starting to become a more general "trend". But there was a time, in the same timeframe after d-day as it appears to be for you, that she was a real first-class b****.

Honestly, I think the best approach is to Plan A (if that's what plan you're in), and no LB'ing (regardless of Plan). By not LB'ing, you give her NO AMMO to shoot you with. Eventually they start running low on their anger if you give them nothing to be angry about. I found that sometimes just simply agreeing with her, no matter how stupid the point, helped diffuse her anger. I usually did so when I felt like agreeing was in my best interests, and just let the issue slide off my back.

Sounds pretty typical, B.

Just one more way they cover their guilt; making anything you do/did/might do into another issue. Adds more ammo to their justification for the A.

Best course of action is to probably let it slide; certainly DO NOT get into an argument about it. No matter how logical, you won't win, she won't get it, and it'll be an LB.

You don't need to win these, B. They are really meaningless.

This isn't the first time that she has lashed out at me. I've just decided to ignore and not respond when she does this.

I've posted on here that I will probably be filing a petition for divorce and a stop order in the next few weeks. My only reason for doing this is to keep her from leaving the state with our boys. She, from time to time, will make some statement that tells me not to push her or she will leave to move ou of state to her parents. She actually did this about 3-4 yrs ago for an indetermined amount of time. She ended up coming back after about 4 mths.

I feel like I need to move to some sort of plan B. I am feeling a lot of resentment towards her. At this point I don't know how I would react if she told me that she wanted to get back together. I think I would tell her that ONLY if she was willing to get some counseling and start going to church with me and the boys.

I have begun to see her in a whole different light lately. Sneaky, lying, coniving, VERY selfish. She is not the woman I married or fell in love with 19 yrs ago. She has become someone that she and I used to look at as something very undesirable (for lack of better words). At one time our boys were the world to her. Now, even though she wants to keep them with her as much as possible, I can see that she doesn't have their best interest in mind at all. I firmly believe that despite their ages, this whole situation going on right now will affect them when they get into their adult years.

I realize that it will be a major LB to have her served with these papers. I don't know if this will help to wake her up from where she is now or not. I am still debating as to wether or not I want to move back into our house. I certainly can't Plan B from inside our home. I feel like the more I'm around her while she is like this the more I dislike her. The love is fading.

I know that it probably not be a good idea, but I feel like writing her a letter telling her how I feel about her at this time. I am sure it would be a major LB and at the same time maybe it would give her something to think about. Probably wouldn't get throught that fog bank surrounding her at this time.

Thanks for your continued support and God Bless.

My WW finds fault with every little thing. Sometimes she will isolate on one item. On thing is for certain: there is no way to change her view or rationalize with her. My WW has started to make a real effort at reconcilation, but has a long way to go. I've learned not to let her fault finding get to me or even to bring it up next time.

I called her today at the OM's just to see how she is doing knowing already that she is dealing with some family issues. Two agos ago she was picking on me about this and that. She started off kind of abrasive thinking I had some ulterior motive but then began venting about what's going on with her. I just listened and hardly said I word. I offered no advice or judgement except the obvious which is she needs to do what is right for her and the kids. I didn't say anything about what I thought was right. Then she started to apoligize for venting and I said not to worry about it. I called to see how you were doing and if you wanted to talk or not. I said you needed to vent a little and I'm here to listen.

She made some comments about how we screwed up our marriage and surprisingly acknowledged she basically blew it. She began crying and said she had to go. I said okay and left it like that.

I have encountered the WS babble too. Now what I do is say please leave my house. We are not divorced as yet, but going through the process. Yes, he has used the manipulation, turning words around, blaming me for everything, my nickname is F*c*ing B*t*h. I tell people that is what I have heard for the last 2 years. I met someone in the store recently, her divorce will be final very shortly, her WH did the same as my WH, the internet and meeting their very special soulmate. Her nickname is the same. They don't seem to see how they are trying to destroy us, put us down at every inch of their life. By the way, her WH and the soulmate ( <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ) are not together any more. He found the real truth about her. Most Wayward spouses don't even realize that they are being taken, used, and convinced that this is for real.

I would like to call the WS babble a word, and get it published in the dictionary. Would be great to hear other peoples definition!!!!!!

(((Biscayne)))

I think you should try balancing on a pink ping-pong ball with your left big toe ~~ while you twirl a flaming baton in your right hand ~~ as you juggle 6 porcelain tea cups with your left hand ~~ as you play a patriotic John Philip Sousa march on the harmonica ~~ as you hand the bank statement to your wife with the toes on your right foot!

Think that will work? Or, will she be pissed off no matter what circus act you perform? Sometimes ... people are just determined to be angry ... and you better not try to talk them out of it .... cuz THAT really makes them mad <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Go practice your banjo (or something ... LOL!) .... she is in a mood unto herself .... let her enjoy it without your interference.

Pepper <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

J.R.:

"I found that sometimes just simply agreeing with her, no matter how stupid the point, helped diffuse her anger. "

I've done this. It can be very effective!