Sorry about the corny title!! Anyway....

Life in Maine is great. Unfortunately moving away didn't fix all of my problems (I knew it wouldn't but sometimes I would fantasize that it would!!) The latest dilema was this weekend. Miss Julie (OW) called my YD on her cell phone and begged her to come to WH and OW new house. So my daughter gave in. She and my son went down Sunday afternoon. They arrived at 6 pm and left around 11 pm. I was hoping they would have an awful time, but my D said she had a "great" time. It was "fun". ARGHHHHH. It just isn't fair. OW has my husband, my OD and now has won over YD. They talked a lot and sat in the hot tub for a long time. Sounds just swell doesn't it??? My S wouldn't talk to her and when Miss J tried to hug him, he stiffened up and just stood perfectly still. GO VINCENT!! It is a horrible feeling. You want your kids to be happy but you also don't want them to be happy w/ her. I feel betrayed yet again. I know YD would be feel terrible if she knew how I was feeling but I also know I won't be able to tell her because I want her to feel free to do what she needs to do. Does that make any sense???

Then I had an argument w/ my oldest sister over this whole situation. She doesn't think I am handling things the way I should. She thinks I should tell the kids they shouldn't go down to see them, that their father should come up here. In some ways I agree with that but I don't want their relationship (YD and WS) to suffer. It was our relationship (me and WS) that failed, so why should she suffer more than she already is? Anyway, I told her I am doing the best I can and she doesn't know how she would handle things unless she was in the same situation. Everyone handles things differently and we agreed that I wouldn't tell her anything about my situation if I think she would get upset about it.

I still don't have a job but am working on it. Has anyone ever tried Hot Jobs.com?

New state, new house, new car, new life. Now all I need is the new job!!

Well, just wanted to post a little update and let you all know I am doing OK. (thanks Dawn for asking!!)
BH

BH,
Much as it hurts you, I think you are doing the right thing in not interfering with the way the kids want to handle the relationship with their father.
If you interfere, it is easy to start "using" the kids to "get" at each other, and that is the worst possible thing for the kids.

As for job sites, HotJobs is pretty good, my favorite is monster.com and a close second is headhunter.net which just merged with careerbuilder.

Depending on your "field" there are many "specialized" sites too. I know about computer/IT related ones if you're interested.

brokenhearted,

Thanks for the update!! I am sorry that you are having a hard time, I so understand the feelings that you are going through right now, as I am dealing with some of the same.

The girls are there with dad, she is not to be around girls and he was not to ask if they wanted to meet her, but they are in apartment that is filled with her stuff, they know that she has been banished from their presence. I worry about how they are feeling, but don't want to ask either. I told them both as I was leaving them there that if they wanted to meet her they could ask their father, and if only one wanted to that was ok, it was totally up to them. That what I felt didn't really matter in this, it was what they wanted and needed and if they liked her that was ok or if they had fun that too was ok. Hardest speech I've ever given.

This is all so hard and so unfair!!! But I am not going back there to the Why question.

What type of work is it you are looking for? What is there in the area that you are living in? Is this a place where you knew people or just a place that you picked?

I came home, and moved across the street from my parents, so I have a pretty good built in support system. They are also the landlords so that helps.

What ever you do don't let the kids pull at each other, I am sure if you think about it OD is probably thinking that she is protecting the family interest per say by living with WH.

Keep posting!!!

Take Care,
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

dear broken hearted-i'm with space on this one. stand strong in your beliefs, dont involve the kids. i did that with my ex-husband and told myself that the more people that love my son the easier it will be for him. i know the speech you gave well-i've been there. the sad part is when ex-husb. and her didnt work, son lost another extended family-her kids. it was sad for him.

anyway hang strong and be as supportive as you can-its for you kids.

Thanks for the suggestions and support Space, Dawn, and Nikko.

Space - I appreciate your support and advice on job sites. I am not really specialized in anything but secretarial type jobs. I was working in accounting at my last job but prefer secretarial. I will try those sites out! Thanks for the help. You are absolutely right about putting the kids in the middle if I intefere. That is the last thing I want. This is so hard on them without adding my interference.

Dawn - so sorry you are going through this too. I too have moved closer to my family. I am six minutes away from my mom and 4 minutes away from my oldest sister (the one I had the argument with). It is really great being so close to them. I know just how you are feeling about your girls being there. It is a horrible thing to go through. You handled it great! It is the hardest thing we have to do as mothers. We have to let them make their own choices whether we like it or not. Hang in there hon. We will both get through this!!

Nikko - You are right. It would be the worst thing for me to intefere. I am really trying to be strong in that respect. My kids actually lost their best friends through all of this. Now with them going to see OW and WS they will be able to see their friends at the same time. (I'm not sure if you know that the son and daughter of OW were my kids best friends. How is your son now? Is he OK? It is so sad that the kids have to suffer through all of this. They are so innocent and yet have to go through so much.

Thanks again!
BH

oldest son is doing well-well enough for a smart mouth 13 yr old. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> unfortunately he gets that from me.

Dear BH,

Good to hear from you. The one thing is that the OW will always be an OW and you will always be mom. She can't take that away from you. Try as she might, she still can't.

Should we wish for their A world to crumble? Hm...... Children though are resilient and do care for their parents regardless of how bad one's parent may get. That's the hard part.

For you, stay as you are. Resolved and stable. Your children will need to see that when that A world of the WS' comes a tumblin down.

They have fought before and will again. Just as long as you are their for the kids. That is what is important now.

take care,
L.

Thanks Orchid! I hope their A will tumble down, but at this point I believe they will get married once both divorces are finalized. I am dragging my feet on ours hoping that things will get messy with them. Why make it easy for them, right! I know you are right when you say that I will always be mom, no matter what. What bothers me is the feeling that Miss Julie thinks she has won. She has the approval of both my daughters and that hurts me. I am trying to keep this new situation in perspective and keep reminding myself that this is a natural progression. I think it's Honey's sig line that says something like "I don't have to like the situation I am in, but I can like me in it." I don't know if I have it right, but you get the idea!

I appreciate your response and hope everything is going well with you!
BH