Does anyone have any insight into how best to de-fog a WS? I mean more than working on yourself, etc.
How does the fog typically end and can anything be done to speed up the process? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

<small>[ August 05, 2002, 08:50 PM: Message edited by: pb511 ]</small>

Nice thread! I wish I could contribute to the answer, but my H is SOOOOOO fogged up it's sad! But I will keep this post close at hand to see if you get some good options!

PB and PQ;
Wish I could offer you a "solution" or the "magic bullet", but I cannot. A few months ago, I was asking the same questions, with the same urgency and despair....I know it is not what you wanted to hear, but it is the truth nonetheless.

They will "de-fog" ONLY when they are ready; and that means either the A ends on its own, the OP LBs enough to damage the R they have, or they feel they have lost you (or are losing you) and "wake up"...pretty much nothing you can "do" to help them along.

Learn as much as you can about this, Plan A your rear ends off, make it a perfect Plan A, improve it all the time, try to detach from them and the pain they cause, leave them "alone" in the R&M talk department, and generally move on with your lives...throw in the occasional 180.

Before you know it, "things" start to happen; you start feeling better, you need them less, they start noticing, you'll have a few "fog-less" conversations, and G-d willing, you will have chance at recovering your Ms.

Post here, learn, ask, question, argue, vent...but do it HERE! Not at home. The MB community is here for you!

Dear Spacecase,
Your post was very helpful. It's always comforting to have someone who's "been down the path" guide you along.
I guess I just have to try to remain patient........

To defogg anyone is not going to happen till the affair is over, and that takes its time too. My WH is over with his affiar, physically, but emotionally he told my kids that he still loves her. So my WH is still foggy and I guess when he finally gets burned maybe he will defogg.

There is no magical pill, or key to defogg. Either they want to defogg or not. My WH-stbx doesn't want to defogg. So I finally said enough is enough, and decided divorce is the only solution. It is getting easier to tend to life now. I was tired of being abused physically and mentally and emotionally by my WH.

It is a hard road to carry on your back. I hate to say this, but you are going to get stressed out and emotionally you might become a basket case. Consider this person not the person you married, consider this person from another planet. The goal of defogging is to admit 100% remorse and guilt. Admit they are equally wrong for the situation, and admit they want the marriage back. Without all of the above, the fogg will get heavier and heavier. Until you break, or file. I broke some, and decided the physical abuse was enough and filed. Was not easy, cried the whole day, threw up, had a severe migrane headache, but I filed, and now I feel good about filing. Yes, I would love tohave my previous marriage, yes, I would love to have this man back in my arms, but not who he is now. He is cruel, abusive, and emotionally a selfish man. Not a good marriage material person.

Consider what it would be like for him to defogg. What changes would you have to see, and then decide how much you can endure. Hopefully your future will turn out the way you want. Work plan A to the hill, work it hard, and then do a good pplan B if appropriate. Either way, you will finally come to a conclusion. Good luck!