I'm new here and need some help! My marriaage is in crisis. Please explain how one can turn the marriage around when the other one won't even talk or interact? This is a ten year marriage with two small childern. We are both in our 40's.
Both employed, working oppossite shifts to save on child care. The spouse is very negative and resentful of any attempt at working things out and is contiuely treatening to live or file for divorce. I can deel with this situation much loger before I give up and agree.

mommylove,

Can you give us a little more info to go on. Does he want to end it because there is an affair (A) suspected or ongoing? Why does he say he want to leave or divorce (D)? Any history would help although it sounds like an A is suspected...

NO (A) AT LEAST I DON'T THINK SO. MORE ANGERY AND DISRESPECTFUL, WE'VE BEEN THROUGH ALOT OF NO-NO'S. STARTING WITH LIVING TOGETHER AND HE WAS STILL A MARRIED MAN WITHOUT SO HE SAYS "NOT KNOWING IT". THINGS JUST BLEW UP FROM THERE. AND I OFTEN THINK I SHOULD HAVE LEFT WHEN THAT PIECE OF NEWS WAS ANNOUCED. BUT I WAS AFFRAID AND I WAS IN "LOVE". TOO MUCH HISTORY TO GO INTO WOULD TAKE ALL DAY. YES I STILL RESENT THAT FACT! BUT IT WAS MADE WORSE 3 YEARS AGO WHEN HE DECIDED TO CONTACT THE X ABOUT THEIR 17Y/O DAUGHTER, THROUGH THE X SISTER-IN-LAW AND SHE STARTED WRITING LETTERS THAT WERE NOT JUST SIMPLY FRIENDLY. THEN HE GOT THE X'S PHONE # AND STARTED CALLING HER AND SPENDING AT LEAST2 HOURS AT A TIME ON THE PHONE WITH HER. PROBLEM WAS HE WAS WORKING OUT OF TOWN. SHE CALLED ME ONCE AT HOME AND LET ME HAVE IT GOOD. THE DAUGHTER SENT ME A HATEFUL E-MAIL ABOUT LEAVING HER DAD AND MOM AND HER ALONE. THOUGHT WE HAD THAT AERA STRAIGHTEN OUT AND THEN WE LOST OUR HOME AND HAD TO MOVE AND HE STARTED TRYING TO CONTACT THE X SISTER-IN-LAW AGAIN BY PHONE WHEN I WASN'T HOME. THINGS DON'T LOOK TOO GOOD FOR (a) NOT TO BE THE ANSWER DOES IT BUT HE SWEARS IT ISN'T.

Hi,
Sorry your upset.

I'm a little confused, so correct me where I am mistaken

You have been married for 10 years, you lived together first. He was married, now, did you know or not know he was married when you dated and lived together? At some point, you found out and continued the R. Correct?

Within the last 3 years, he started contacting XW. Didn't he stay in touch with her during the last 10 years? Didn't he want to see his D from his first M in the last 10 years? Why does D from first M, think you are bothering them? She is a teenager, probably resents your presence.

Just wanted some clarification on your situation.

hey mommylove,

How are your two children doing?

I am sorry for your pain. You know what happened to your marriage, you forgot that a relationship takes care and maitenance. You took opposite shifts and spend very little time together. You both withdrew from each other slowly over time? Right?

You need to sit down and spend some time learning some basics about emotional needs (EN).

You also need to learn about A's. Your H is having an emotional affair.

DL - Cham