Ok, I am in the middle of packing for our trip to Wisconsin, today is my birthday. had a great day, went to dinner and a movie with my husband and friends. He actually remembered to get me a card. I am throwing his pants in the washer and find a reciept from the post office from him buying a stamp to mail a letter to OW.
Only comment I made was , "Did you pick up more than one stamp at the post office?"
He seemed kind of constipated when he answered but said no. I went about my buisness, crying for about 15 minutes. Then I decided to come post, hoping someone could give me a boost before I leave in the am.
What am I supposed to think when he is being so kind and generous, always saying how much he loves me, supoorting me through a current family trauma and making plans to include me more on that damn game where he dwells so happily with ow?
The mixed signals are messing with my head. I am not making this up or reading more into what he is doing. I try to be brutally honest here so I can get the best advice possible.
What do the I love you so much and kindness mean when he is still carrying on with OW?
Am I stupid to continue plan a-ing?
Is he playing me for a fool?
Please help me before I leave tomorrow.
I really need you guys desperately before tomorrow.
Thanks,
Love you all,
Layli

Layli...listen to me verrrry closely.

Is he playing you for a fool? No, not exactly. He is playing both sides of the fence...but because he CAN right now. I think he loves you very much...but right now he also loves her. BUT...he loves you for who you REALLY ARE in his life...he loves her for how she strokes his ego and makes him feel like he's someone he WISHES he were. She offers fantasy..YOU are the reality. They are the ONLY fools in this game...YOU are not.

OF COURSE he gives you mixed signals..he's CONFUSED!! Wayward spouses ARE. Shoot...seems to me he's WAY less confused than I was. He atleast KNOWS he loves you. He just doesn't have a CLUE about the other emotions he's having. He's lost right now.

I say HANG IN THERE and have a GREAT time on the trip...and then work double time when you get back to get yourself a new place where you can either Plan B, or atleast distance yourself. JR sent me CarolK's thread about getting your WS to pursue YOU. It's great! It might be something for you to consider once you get home.

http://www.marriagebuilders.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=37;t=014880

HAVE A GOOD TRIP!! EAT CHEESE!!!

PS - DUH, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOO!!!

One more tip about Wisconsin. You not only EAT the cheese, you can wear it too!

Cheese, not just for appetizers anymore.

layli,

I am sorry but I am really not up on your story.

But you sound like you need some love and support, and those are two thing I am really good at.

I would have to agree with h4f though, you are not the fool, he is still home and he is saying that he loves you, accept that and go with it!!!

I just looked at my STBX and laughed when he would say things like that (I really pushed him away early after D day) I was scared, how dare he say he loves me and wants a divorce to be with the other person. Not the best thing to do!!! Continue Plan A thru your trip and re-evaluate the situation when you get back to UT.

Have you explained how it hurts and cuts you deeply when he has contact with her? Don't assume that he knows this, tell him!!! They are kid of ahhhh you know!!!

Is it yur home or his that you are going to visit?

You do have a long car ride to come, think of conversations that you might want to have, plan how you might initiate them. Try and have some tapes or CD's of music that you both like, let that open a conversation for you.

Just be careful with what and the tone that you use to say anything at this time, you don't want to set the trip up to be miserable.

Keep posting I will be here for a while. Have some thinking to do.

STBX e mailed and said that they would be coming Sun, had planned on Mon. I had asked him to paint the girls rooms for them, thought nice thing for dad to do for them, they will appreciate it. He stated that he would really like to help with the girls rooms but couldn't afford a hotel as he still has bills from the 1st to pay, did I have any ideas?

I am not sure what to do let him stay not let him stay. I let him stay for the girls, I don't want him talking with her on the phone or computer or his cell from my house. I don't let him stay, I am the one that took dad time away from the girls. My son would also get some dad time. I am praying for an answer!! Told OD that I could get a tent for the backyard!!! She not funny mom!!!

I will be here for awhile!!!
Dawn <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

thanks to both of you for replying. You know, this will be our first vacation ever just the 2 of us. I am kind of excited. I have been doing a really good job of not love busting and trying to remain hopeful.
Loved the thread h4f. I read it and laughed because I can see WH doing some of these things.
Even his parents notice that he is trying harder. It just still blows my mind that he is still in contact. But I always say the better woman will win. ME.
I am going to stay focused and positive. I will be back on Sunday so i will post on monday.
Please keep me in your thoughts as I do for all of you.
Hugs!
Layli