Last night was substantially better. DH and I had a few relationship talks. We stayed very calm and discussed some things. I pointed out to him that I realize we will fight and the good thing is that we noticed how it got bad and we discussed that aspect. We agreed that we are doing well and have a future together.

At one point we were talking and I started to get on edge. It was discussion about our families, and more specifically my sister's upcoming wedding. Anyhow, I had to take DS to the bathroom and while there I realized I was being defensive for no reason. When we got back to the table (we were at a restaurant) I kissed him and sat down. He asked why I get so upset sometimes and I told him I was sorry and that I just realized that sometimes I start to get defensive. I said I don't mean to but I do. I said I realized this and that is why I just kissed you to ease the tension. He said it did. I said I was sorry and a potential argument was headed off before it even started to smoke.

Also, we talked last night about us making it. He said he thinks we will. I started to get a little nervous at one point in the conversation and he made a point of telling me he's not leaving. I held him and kissed him and told him that he will always be my one and only.

We also talked about how love is supposed to be forever and how nothing is supposed to be able to penetrate that. I agreed, but I said that sometimes one person fails somewhere and maybe this was just God's way of showing us how real our love is and that it truly can survive if nurtured right. He asked how he failed. I said it wasn't him, it was me. Now that we are more open to see how real our love is it's not likely to falter again. I explained to him that what he and I have is real, and it doesn't get better than this (in a sense). I told him he is and always will be my one and only. I also made a point of letting him know he is NOT second best. He thanked me for that.

So, I guess last night was good. Thank you for all of your insights, and for sharing along with me while I work through this roller coaster. It means a lot that you are so willing to help and care about me and my future. You are wonderful people. Thank you.

Phew!

Still...if things get out of control again...you might still consider counseling. If YOU go first and tell hubby it's so you can be there better for him...he might not take it that you're going because HE has a problem and feel more at ease about joining you.

It sounds like you guys are treading water though!!! YEA!!!

Actually Hope, DH and I talked about counseling last night. He said if I wanted to go back that we could. I asked if he thought we needed help. He said he didn't know. We talked about how he pushed for it the first time. I said I know, and that is why I'm asking YOU if you think we need help at this point. I asked him because I have been feeling like things are great and our future will be long lived together. I just needed to know how he felt. If he said we need help then he is uncertain, but if he feels we don't need help then he feels just as good about our progress as me and just had a down moment and a standard relationship fight that could happen to anyone. I am happy to say that right now he doesn't feel we need help. We said that we will go in in the future if we feel we are getting to the point that we could use some additional help. Right now, I have to believe that it's normal for couples to fight, even those not plagued by infidelity, and that's all it was the other night.

Thanks Hope, for checking in on me. It felt so good last night to talk with him like that. You have been one of the faithfuls for me, and I appreciate it so.

Tutter,
Couples do fight, disagree, etc. It is normal.

Also, as I was reading your post I was thinking about the 3 stages of (uh oh can't think of the word, Interaction?) Intimacy, Conflict & Withdrawal. They stay in that order, if you've been in withdrawal you have to come back through conflict to get to intimacy.

Perhaps a little of that going on?

Just keep those lines of communication open, the recovery road can get bumpy. Counseling can help.

Thanks Lor. We are doing well with communication. I think it was just a bad night. DH said he went to bed the other night not to walk away from me but to just stop the tracks we were on. I went up to just be close and hold him, but I guess I said something and things went from there. I don't even remember what I said.

Anyhow, we got through it, and as much as it hurts to fight like that, last night proved we will survive. Counseling is not dismissed, but we are not making it an action quite yet. We have been there, and right now we both still seem to feel on the right track.

Thanks for your analogy. It makes sense. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Thank you.