what do you do if H wants sole physical custody? Since i left the state and took child from the jurisdiction, i either have to return to the state for chance of custody of daughter. we have mediation next week, H says he will not agree to any parenting plan, as he wants custody and i should get visitation, as i live with parents in another state, what do i do? I am plan Aing, i've noticed changes in me, not sure if he has noticed? He will be giving me rides while i am there for mediation(4 days), i'm not sure how i will react to OW calling him on his cell phone. She will probably call to let me see that she is waiting for him. I feel angry, and if i do see her again, i don't know how i will react, i would like to tell her how much pain she has caused me and how she has destroyed my child's home.

Nezi,

Do you have legal counsel or support? Sounds like your H is trying to bully you. If your H is making threats that is not making you and your child feel safe, then you need to speak to the authorities to see about your custody rights.

Right now another MBer is fighting for her rights. Her H threw her out (he is the WS), she had to get an RO to get her child back. In one of his anger bouts, he pulled the phone off the wall and when she told the authorities they told her that was a federal offense and now it is recorded that he has done this. Even with this and a few other things, the BS was at times going soft as the WS was trying to bully his way to get the RO turn to his benefit. The WS tried to change the conditions and tried to be the decision maker. I had to remind the WS (I have been the 3rd party contact) that the RO was against him and he could make requests but not demands. That the WS needed to show good faith but in reality he has tried to manipulate more than cooperate.

The BS needs to realize just how much the WS is hurting the family. Make sure you get proper support and legal counsel. Then you will be in a better position to face your H.

This is not to break up the marriage. This is a protective action to protect you and your family. Right now the WS is not capable of making good decisions for his family. If he was, he would NOT be having an A.

take care,
L.

i'm so depressed today, i see all these people in here trying to save their marriages, i've been separated for 9 months now, yet haven't seen any sign of improvements, we're just kind of going along with the divorce, i wish i could just put a hold on it. I feel like H has moved on with his life, as he no longer needs me, all he wants is OW and daughter so that they can be a family together. Can it be possible that OW doesn't LB at all and they are a perfect match for each other, or will time tell, i know God will watch out for me, as i don't deserve any of this, I love my H with all my heart, he barely calls anymore, i was reading a poll on here, where it shows that most WS want to reconcile in fear of losing BS, however, I feel like my H wants nothing to do with me, and wants to go on with OW, he mentioned that he wants this divorce to go thru as soon as possible. Life has its twists and turns, I guess. I need to take a walk......

Nezi,

I am sorry you are feeling so down. We need to get you to refocus. Build up your strength. I asked you some questions earlier, have you been able to answer them yet?

L.

yes, I do have an attorney, she told me she can go to mediation with me if i feel that my voice will not be heard, i'm considering it, however, we feel the H will not agree to any kind of parenting plan, since he wants sole custody. H is not violent, i cannot get RO or anything, H is very manipulative, he says for me to give him our daughter, else its gonna be harder on me if he gets custody, and they take her away from me. I'm so afraid i will lose her. which is exactly how he wants me to think, i'm sure. but so far, nothing in court has worked for me, we tried to get this state to have jurisdiction, since we were married here, the judge here dismissed that, since child was born in H state, then no support for me since i live with parents, i'm still finishing school, car, etc, i have all these expenses, H hasn't given me anything since march. I'm just struggling to survive and save marriage, seems like no matter what i will survive, but marriage and my freedom will go. I hope atleast i will have my daughter. America known for our freedom, yet now judge will tell me where i have to live and work. What freedom do i have now?

Nezi,

You are in the states?? Your child's birthstate should not be the deciding factor, your child's place of residence is. As far as your having to move, well I would ask the lawyer about your rights.

Now as to filing an RO. Physical violence is not the only type of abuse an RO will work for. Emotional and mental abuse including his threats to get sole custody of your daughter is considered in many areas valid reason for an RO. Please check this out again. Also look into counseling for yourself. Many cities offer free counseling to women and children. Right now another MBer who was kicked out of her home by the WS has done just that. She is being sent to classes, learning her rights and the options of financial aid assistance, housing, schooling, child support , legal assistance, etc.

L.