I am confused. My head hurts. I just want to scream…or walk away. It was one year ago that H came home and said he wasn’t “happy”. That is when I found MB and started to Plan A even tho I didn’t know there was an OW. I survived the crushing blow of Dday #1 and became determined to succeed. I lived through Dday #2 and all of the cr*p in between. I have heard all the cruel fogese and somehow not let it kill the hope I have in my heart. I have worked on me for a year now. I have changed…I have grown (Praise God). I like who I am now…kind of the fun me I was many years ago but wiser. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I still have things I need to work on…I consider my self a continuous work in progress. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Now H says he’s not happy again. I am confused about my H. I took advise from Just Learning and took a long serious look at H and what he was saying. I think he is depressed, suffers low self-esteem and controls in a passive aggressive way. He needs professional help but refuses. He believes he can work through any problem on his own. He won’t talk to me – says I have been through enough. I try to create a safe place for him to talk and be but maybe its too late. He said he feels unimportant to me and D – we don’t need him – we find plenty of things to do when he is not around (Plan A fallout?). This morning I left him an encouraging note in his vehicle (since he has been so blue this last week) and I left my keys there by mistake. He came to me with the keys, held them in my face and said, “why would your keys be in my car?” in a very stern voice. I backed up because the look in his eyes was so angry. I said I left you a love note and took the keys. He said nothing and drove away. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Actions speaking to me here? Back in contact? Trying to hide something? Thinks I don’t trust him and was snooping? H’s rollercoaster of withdrawal? Depressed because H met OW a year ago…memories? Just not meant to be and this was an exit A and nothing I do will help? And that is just a short list of the questions bouncing around my head! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

How do I keep going in Plan A until H will commit to recovery in actions? I can’t Plan B. I asked H to leave after Dday #2 and he said no – he would never leave me. If we separate it will be legally and if I take that step I will be mentally prepared for D. I fear once that ball is rolling I won’t stop it.

Is this a “normal” reaction on my part…or his? Have others been here? How did they cope? I just don’t know what to do anymore. Is my love bank empty? Aaaaaggghhhhh! HELP ME GET BACK ON TRACK!!!! PLEASE!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

T,
Funny...we're at about the same place time-wise; about a year since DDay...Plan A...I went to Plan B yesterday. and I was the one who left...she would not leave.

Don't know if it's the right thing, but it'll determine where she is REALLY at, and what, if anything, she's willing to do for us and our M...but, like you say, I'm close to being ready to walk away forever.

I guess my point is that if you found a way to Plan B by leaving yourself, it may be what is necessary to answer your questions for once and for all. Don't know about your D, how old is she? could you take her with you? could you leave her with him?

I left my kids at home with her, but they are 16, 16 and 20 so it may be different...they can come here anytime, and they know all about what is going on with us...

It is a difficult decision, I know, I tried EVERYTHING before going to this...many here said I waited too long, gave her too much credit, too many chances...

Best of luck!

Oh Space...

I didn't read about your Plan B...peace to you, my thoughts are with you. I have read many who say Plan B is peaceful...I think they are truely ready for Plan B...tried everything they could. Others hate it...perhaps they weren't ready. I know you put much thought and care into your decision.

My D is only 11 so I won't leave her and I won't pack her up and move her from her home and friends unless it is perminent. Although I must admit in some dark hours I had thought about walking away from it all and not looking back. Then God reminded me I could never leave D, she needs me too.

So I feel like I have to continue Plan A - just how do I break through that wall? Will I ever break through that wall? I hear my Takers voice faintly in the background saying...wasting your time...life is short...H has his head in his...oops! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Anyway...I feel like H is just hanging around waiting for me to leave and call it quits. Ever feel that way?

<small>[ August 08, 2002, 01:34 PM: Message edited by: Twinkles ]</small>