For instance:

Do you remember the first time you had sex?

Do you remember the first time you had oral sex?

The reason I'm asking is because my H's stock answer to ANY question about his cheating is, "I don't know" or "I don't remember." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I can remember the first time for both. The girls name and other details from about 25 years ago so I find it hard to believe that anyone can't remember something that happened 6- 12 months ago.

Do you remember the first time you had sex?
Yes, never forget ... I save it for my soulmate ... my WW.
Do you remember the first time you had oral sex?
Yes, my WW gave it me after my 10th anniversary and after that everything goes ... for her too.

Don't ask Martians ... let it go unless you rather have lies or push H further. Keep it down for now ... read Language of Love to try out.

Good Luck -RH-

I remember the first time I was kissed, the first time I had sex, etc. I think when people say "I don't know" or "I don't remember", it's simply a means of self preservation or they are trying not to hurt you. Either way I'm sure they remember but the memory won't be pleasant for you to hear or them to speak.

your Husband and mine must share a brain.. I USED TO ASK questions about my husbands infidelities, and he would say he couldnt remember.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
How does one make decisions that could very well destroy your entire world and not remember ? I would love the answer to this question.

My belief is that is a safe answer for him and he can get out of trouble and not deal witht he real issues.
He remains safe.

Actually I remember very little about many things that have happend in my life...and the A tops that list. If I think really hard I can remember little things that were said or thought...I remember that it all hurt very much and there was a lot of pain and confusion. But ask me a set timeline or specific question and I just can't pin down the specifics for you.

It's been that way all my life. External things spark memories from time to time...but ask me to remember and I won't. For me it's nothing to do with sheltering anyone else...it probably has much more to do with self preservation. It's a defense mechanism. One I picked up from a childhood of trauma and years of sheltering myself from an alcoholic genius.

My brain also works differently from most women's....I'm not sure if that's from being raised by a single male or what. My mind never stops working and is always absorbing information. I just figure forgetting some things has to do with allowing room for new stuff. My H remembers our first date, our first time, our first kiss etc.... far better than I do.

I know EXACTLY what you mean, my husband was all "I don't know, I don't remember" for years and years. It drove of OFF The friggin wall!!!

Finally he told the truth, said he just was covering his butt.

The nerve of him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Are you kidding? MY FWH couldn't even remember what he told me the day before when I was learning about the A around D-day #2. He would tell me one thing and then the next day it would be quite different and when confronted he'd say I was the one who was confused. Got to the point where I started writing things down when he spoke. Didn't help though. He just denied it anyway.

"I don't know" and "I don't remember" were standard responses. Fortunately, since the day he decided to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth regarding his A his lobotamy seems to have repaired itself.

Thank Goodness!

I just find it extremely hard to believe that anyone would forget the first experience of something he enjoys so much.

Don't really care about knowing who/when he first had sex, as that was LONG before I met him.

C'mon, men! Help me out here!

Hi Lady Clueless,

You should rephrase your post to do WS really not remember things....

"I don't remember" & "I don't know" were the most common answers that I got to 99% of my questions... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Eventually, my wife realized that her lack of honesty and openess was hindering our recovery. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Semper Fi,
RIF90

Hey, thanks, y'all! But I don't think I really made myself clear in my beginning post.

I understand that most men's brains are wired differently from women's when it comes to remembering things like birthdays, picking up the dry-cleaning, etc.

What I am having trouble with is the idea that a man could possibly forget important "firsts" to them...like when (and with whom) he first had sex, when he got his first bj (and who gave it to him), the first time he ever kissed a girl...that sort of thing. Not that I want to know ALL of that....just the "firsts" after he met and married me.

How's this? My stbx "can't remember" if he slept with someone else fifteen years ago that resulted in me getting a std. He says it was too long ago <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

Lady_Clueless said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I understand that most men's brains are wired differently from women's when it comes to remembering things like birthdays, picking up the dry-cleaning, etc.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Definately concur on that point.

But on the rest, if it's not A related, he remembers well both pre and post 'us'. He remembers his firsts, our firsts and even some stuff I'd forgotten. He can recite verbatim landmark conversations and experiences we've had. Just the other day we were talking about how happy we were when we found out I was pregnant 6 yrs ago. I made the comment that I had made some silly little card for him and gave it to him to break the news. He responded by reciting word for word what the card said and what it looked like. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I couldn't have done that and I made the thing. He then continued to tell me all the details about how I told him I had a card and a present for him but wasn't sure when to give it to him. He teased me by asking how big the present is and I replied 'about the size of a grain of rice'. He gave me a very puzzled look and said "I can't possibly imagine what that could be so I think I'd like you to give it to me now". The card had some little drawings on it and on the outside it said "Guess What..." and on the inside all it said was "DADDY!". I remembered the general just of it all but could have never told you the details.

So yes, my H definately remembers that kind of stuff well. Too bad he can never remember the birthday of that 'grain of rice' now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />